Chapter One
Prologue
When his dark eyes slowly moved from our hands to meet my eyes, I suddenly felt an uncontrollable burning rage wash over my soul. My heart began to ache as my eyes swelled with tears. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t break this gaze of burning hatred. Then as I thought I was about to die, he dropped my hand and turned to the door. I fell to the floor and breathed in slowly as I tried to understand what had just happened.
Chapter One
As I sat on our wrap-around porch for the last time, I looked out at the forest around us. Sitting in my seat where my mother and I would rest as we talked about our days. The door opened and out walked my mother in all her beautiful glory. “Everything is ready for the movers, are you ready to leave?”
“Can we please sit here for a moment longer?” I asked.
“Sure.” She said as she walked by me to sit on her chair. “What are you feeling Sariah?”
I inhaled. “I’m feeling a sense of loss, we have lived here for so long.”
“Since you were four, so 14 years as of last week.”
“Do you think I’ll fit in there?” I asked
“In Logan Utah people either like you or dismiss you, but no one will be mean to you, you’re too much of cutie Hun.”
“Thanks,” I smiled. “I’m going to miss Deer Lake; it’s been my home for so long.” I paused; she opened her mouth then I spoke again. “I’m excited though, so excited to see where you grew up.”
“It’s going to be great!” She said with a cheer.
“Right, I believe you mom.” I breathed in deep and exhaled swiftly. “Okay!” I stood up slowly. “I’m ready, let’s go.”
“Right!” She stood quickly. “This will be awesome!”
“I hope so!” I said.
She walked beside me, held her bent arm out to me with a smile. “Ready?”
I linked my arm with hers, "Ready!” I smiled big and walked with her to our packed hatchback, breathing deep, worried about the move but trusting it would be good.
I had fallen asleep, and woke up to my mother yelling, “Sariah!”
“What?!?l” I woke up in a fright.
She laughed, “We are here! Welcome to Logan!”
I fixed my seat to a sitting position to be more able to see around me. We passed a Mickey D’s on the right as we drove on a new road off the highway. To the left, behind a few small buildings there was a grove of trees. I continued to watch the trees as we turned left towards them, crossing over a small river. Going over the bridge revealed a group of townhomes that had trees behind them as well. “What is all that?” I asked, pointing to the trees.
My mom looked as we turned right, away from the trees. “Gosh! I forgot about that place. I loved going in there growing up. It’s called ‘The Logan River Trail’. When I was a kid, I would bring my dog there and go swimming with her. I actually got a service animal vest from a friend's aunt for her so I could take her on the local bus.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, “You did that?”
“Yes I did.” She said with pride. I agreed it was a clever thing for a child to do.
“Is it a good place to swim?” I asked.
“There is a spot where the river turns and makes a perfect spot to swim.”
“So, what happened to your dog? You never mentioned before that you had one.”
“When I moved to New York with your father before you were born, I couldn’t bring her with me. She was getting too old. I didn't think she wouldn’t make it on the airplane. So, I left her with my parents....”
“Are you okay mom?” I asked.
“I will be, after the funeral I should be able to start mourning.” She spoke with sadness in her voice.
“Will it be hard for you living in your parents’ house?” I asked.
“Yeah I think it will be good. I loved living there growing up, it should be fun.” She said.
I looked out the window, “So,” I said as I looked back at her. “Can we go to the Trail sometime?”
She got an excited look on her face as we were stopped on a hill at a red light by Logan high school. “Well,” she looked at me. “If you really feel like going on an adventure, we should go up the Logan canyon and check out the ‘Wind Caves’, it’s beautiful up there! The caves were actually carved out by the wind over many years.”
“Yeah! Let’s do that!” The excitement in my voice was so clear we both laughed. The light turned green and we continued.
“Okay! Awesome! Let’s head over to Wally World for some food and while we are there buy a couple camel backpacks and some shoes.” She said.
The excitement fled from my face and I spoke as a stuck-up poodle would, “Buy shoes from Wally World?”
She laughed so hard she swerved in the street, nearly crashing into a parked car on the side of the road. Which caused a police officer to flash his lights behind us almost instantly. Her face grew sober and she stopped laughing. “I forgot how bored the cops are here in this town,” She said as she pulled over to the side of the road.
I looked through the back window in disbelief, then back to my mother with a confused expression, “Is he really pulling us over for swerving a bit?!”
She reached over me to grab the registration papers as she laughed. “Yeah, in this town there are too many cop’s vs how much crime happens. They don’t have a lot to do most of the time, so they pull people over for almost anything.”
“Oh my gosh!” My tone could have been compared to a two-year-old who was just told ‘no’.
She sat against her seat, pulling her license out of her purse, “I know right?” She smiled.
She rolled her window down as the office came to her window. He had the classic cop glasses, mirror reflective aviators, so he could see us but we couldn’t see his eyes. He had a beer belly that was very prominent because he had his shirt tucked into his pants. His dark hair had sprinkles of white, he seemed close to retirement. “Have you been drinking tonight ma’am?” He asked in with a tone of authority.
“No officer, sorry, I lost control of the wheel for a moment. It won’t happen again.” My mother spoke with so much suave; she had the cop right where she wanted him and she knew it.
“May I see your license, ma’am?” He held his hand by the window.
“Sure thing.” She handed the card to him between her middle and index fingers.
He took the card, examined it, and his tense demeanor lessened dramatically. “Are you the same Michelle Evens that used to live on 'Cliffside'?”
She laughed, “Why yes, yes I am.”
The officer pulled his glasses off and with a smile said, “My name is Roger, I lived next to your parents, remember?”
“Oh my gosh!” I could tell she acted more enthusiastic than she really was, but Roger didn’t seem to notice. “Wow, it’s been so long! I have a 16-year-old daughter now,” she said, gesturing to me. “Her name is Sariah. We are here to take over my parents’ house. I figured it was time to come back.”
Roger leaned over on my mother’s windowsill, folding his glasses and hanging them from his shirt collar. Holding her license loosely between his fingers. “She looks just like you did when you were her age.” That was just about the best compliment one could receive as my mother’s beauty was the closest humanly possible to that of a goddess.
My mother put her hand behind my head. “She has her father’s glowing green eyes,” she looked back at Roger. “But the rest is all me!” We all laughed.
Roger looked in the backseat at all the luggage, making no attempt to hide the fact he was taking a mental note there wasn’t room for another in the car. “Where is Shade these days?”
My mother looked forward over the stealing wheel before letting her gaze drop to her lap. I put my hand on her shoulder leaning over her to look at Roger to say, “That isn’t an easy subject for either of us...” I caught my tone at the end and trailed off, in an attempt to not offend him.
My mother looked at me with water glazing over her eyes. Roger stood, straightened his posture, handed the card back to my mom and spoke with a somber voice, after leaning over the car. “There I go putting my foot in my mouth again...” he gave me one more glance before looking back at my mother. “Look, I may have slipped up socially just now, but I want you to know I still live next door and I will be there for you in any way you need me to be. I’m here for you, Michelle, during this hard time. Me and Sheryl will help anyway we can.”
“Thank you, Roger,” my mother said, forcing a smile.
Roger looked at me then back to my mother. “I just want you to know if you need anything at all, we are here for you, we loved your parents very much...”
I felt my mother’s heart energy feel a sharp stab, she didn’t want to talk about it. She opened her mouth with an attempt to speak words of gratitude, but, when nothing came out, I leaned forward again and spoke for her. “Thank you, Roger.” My mother looked at me as a tear fell from the corner of each eye.
Roger stood straight again, “If you need me and I’m not home, Sheryl should be home to help you get ahold of me...” My mother nodded, visibly too choked on her tears to speak. He touches her shoulder gently for a single moment, before tapping the top of the car as he turned away. “I hope to see you soon.”
My mother rolled her window up and leaned her head against the headrest with her eyes gently closed. She took a deep breath and released it slowly before leaning forward to rest her head in her hands on the streaking wheel. I was quiet for several moments, allowing her a minute to recover. I spoke softly, with a lighthearted tone to ease the mood. “So... is everyone here that personal in their interactions?”
She laughed at her lap, and I smiled brightly. She rolled her head to face me, keeping her forehead on her hands on the steering wheel. “Welcome to Logan.” She laughed again and so I laughed too. She pulled the sun vizor down to check her makeup in the mirror. She wiped under her eyes, pushed the visor up again, turned the car on and paused before pulling away. “You know what?” She said without looking at me at first.
“What?” I asked.
She smiled, “You are going to get your way, let’s hit Wally World later and go to the sports store instead for the hiking supplies, because, to be honest...” she paused with a brilliant smile on her face.
“What?” I laughed.
She looked at me, “I don’t want to bump into others at the main watering hole of the whole valley, I don’t need another interaction like that right now. Is that okay?”
“Honestly mom, do you have to ask? If the cops are that personal with you, I don’t want to see how others who aren’t bound to be professional act!” I exclaimed.
She laughed, “Good!” I laughed too. She leaned over and gave me a big hug, I hugged her back. “I love you sweet pea.”
“I love you too mom.” I said.
She pulled away, turned and with a swift motion flung her hands onto the steering wheel. “Okay, onward we go!” I laughed and she smiled as she pulled away from the curb.
We spent all of seven minutes in the store, grabbing what we needed and high tailed it out of there before someone recognized my mom. We got onto Main Street and headed south for several blocks before turning left, passing a big building resembling a church. “What’s that?” I asked. “It’s beautiful!”
“What, that?” A big grin grew over her face. “If that impresses you, there is something I got to show you, '' she said as she turned left again at the end of the block, going behind the building. “Close your eyes, this is a surprise.”
I closed my eyes and put my hands over them. “So, are you going to tell me what that building is? Is it a church?”
“Sorry Hun, yeah, well no, not really. It’s called the ‘Logan Tabernacle’. It’s where the LDS community holds events and as well do spiritual work in the basement.”
“What is ‘LDS’?” I asked after drawing a blank.
“Oh...” she let the sound fall out between her lips.
“Is it bad?” I asked, turning my head toward her, still with my hands over my eyes.
“No, it’s a religion, the full name of it is ‘The Restored Church of Latter Day Saints’, but you may be more familiar with their nickname, ‘Mormon’.”
“Oh, right, yeah, I know what that is. There was a Mormon in my high school, she was so nice, but everyone was so mean to her.”
“You know... wait... do you know...” she trailed off.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, I guess I never told you, I was Mormon, and technically you were born into the LDS church too.” She said.
“Wait what? How was I? Why haven’t you told me this before?” I asked, facing her with my hands still over my eyes.
“Keep your hands over your eyes okay? We are here.” She said. She turned the key in the ignition and the car was silent. She opened her door, “I’ll come around to get you.”
I was torn between being slightly hurt she never shared with me her past religious beliefs and being excited about the surprise. She opened my door. “Can I open my eyes yet?” I asked.
“Not yet,” she reached over to me to release my seat belt buckle then grabbed my arm softly to lead me out of the car.
“What are you showing me?” I asked with a smile.
She guided me over a curb and into a sidewalk. “I will tell you what it is after you get a good look at it.” She walked me just a little ways on the sidewalk before turning me around in three circles then laughed, “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”
I pulled my hands from my eyes and for a brief second I was blinded by the sun, before I was able to see what was in front of me. It was indeed the most magical building I had ever seen. It looked like a white and gold castle. The energy coming off it was intense and partly intrusive. I wanted to know more about it. “What is this?” I asked with a reverent voice without looking away.
“Come here and I’ll tell you about it,” she said. I turned to look at her as she was walking toward a bench a few feet away. I followed her and sat down beside her. I looked at her, then went back to the castle building. “This is called ‘The Logan Temple’. It is one of the most precious buildings to the LDS community.”
“What do they do here?” I asked with genuine curiosity.
“Here, they get married, sealed, marry and seal the dead and baptize the dead. This is a very sacred building. Me and your father got married here, sealed too.” She looked at me, smiled at my wide eyed expression, then continued. “Because we got married here and sealed to each other before you were born, you are sealed to me and your father. Because I never got a temple divorce from your father, all the temple blessings still apply to you.”
I blinked at her, then looked back to the temple. “So, am I a Mormon?”
“No, you weren’t baptized, so technically you’re not a Mormon. On that note, I never told you about me being an LDS member and being sealed to your father here, because, when what happened with your father happened, I turned my back on the church.” Still looking wide eyed at her I opened my mouth to speak. She spoke first. “I’m sorry Hun...” she looked away from me. “That’s all I can tell you about my own personal story right now. It’s already been such an emotional week...”
I leaned into my mother, wrapped my arms around her and held her right. “I love you mom. I will always understand if there is something you don’t want to talk about with me at the moment.”
She turned into my hug and hugged me back with a firm grip. “What did I ever do to deserve you my sweet pea?”
“Did you finally forget the 37 hours of labor?” I laughed.
“No, you silly girl!” She said leaning back and standing up. “Of course not,” she winked at me then started on her way back to the car.
I smiled sweetly at her as I stood and followed her to the car.
We drove a few minutes in silence before she spoke again. “Are you ready to see your new home?” She asked.
“I sure am!” I said glee.
She pulled into a driveway and said, “Here we are.”
I jumped out of the car to look at the house in front of us. It was a beautiful White House with a wrap around porch and blue shutters. “Wow, what a nice house!” I exclaimed. I closed my door and she closed hers after I did then walked toward the house.
“I don’t know if I told you this already, but your ancestors actually built this house in 1852 when they first came to America from Sweden. But of course, it’s been modernized with electronics and such.”
“That’s awesome, I didn’t know that.” I said as we stopped at the door.
My mother unlocked the door then stopped, “Are you ready to see inside?”
“Yes!” I said with great excitement.
She opened the door and gestured for me to walk in first. The energy of the past residents resides on the walls, it was very comfortable as coming home to a house I’ve always known. My mother walked in front of me, “It’s just like I remember,” she said. “I’ll show you around.”
First she showed me the kitchen made mostly of dark wood. “I love this island counter!” I said placing my hand on it. I sat on one of the stools then placed my thumb and index fingers over my forehead with my eyes closed. “I predict many energy drinks will be consumed here.” I said then smiled after I opened my eyes seeing my mother’s smile.
“You’re so silly,” she laughed then walked away to show me the living room, it had an open wall across from the open kitchen.
“I dig that fireplace!” I said gesturing to a fireplace centered against the far wall.
“Do you predict anything with that little miss psychic?” She smiled and winked as she walked past me toward the bottom of the stairs between the kitchen and the living room.
“Why yes, I do, s’mores!” I laughed.
She laughed lightly. Then led me past the stairs down a hall. She gestured to a closed door, “That is the washroom and linen room.”
“I’m very glad we still have a washroom in the house.” I said following her further down the hall.
“I know right?” She said. She walked to a door on the right wall, opened it and walked in. “This is the master bedroom, and I call dibs!” She laughed.
“Okay mom,” I giggled.
She led me across the hall, leaving her room door open. She opened the door across the hall, “This is another bedroom, you can have this one if you want.”
It looked like the master bedroom, only smaller. “Is there a room upstairs?” I asked.
“I thought you’d ask; I know how you don’t like to sleep on the main floor.” She winked at me and led me away to the stairs. She walked in front of me to the stairs, there are two bedrooms and a bathroom up here.” She opened the door at the end of the hall on the right to show me. “Both of the rooms look the same up here.”
I looked in the room which she opened, then looked toward the other room across and down the hall. “I feel like I want that one,” I said pointing to the other door. I didn’t know why, but it seemed to call to me.
“Good choice.” She walked to the door and walked inside, I followed behind her. It was a nice room, the energy felt lived in by good people.
We unloaded the car, then took turns showering the long drive off us. Then we drove to the canyon. I grew up on top of a mountain, but it was nothing like driving through the Logan canyon. It was as if we were driving through a portal to another planet. The trees varied in shape, size and species. There was a river on the right side of us as we drove into the canyon. I rolled down my window and inhaled the wonderful smells of the trees, flowers and other plant life. The drive to the wind caves trail was twenty or so minutes but felt much shorter as I was so mesmerized by the mountain world which surrounded us. Before I knew it, my mother was pulling off the road into a small gravel parking space, big enough for several cars. “This is it.” She said as she put the car in park and turned it off.
I jumped out of the car to gaze up at the mountain we had parked in front of. I could hear water flowing, I followed the noise to a small stream coming off the mountain below some large trees. I pointed at it, “Hey mom, how high up does that stream go?”
She was by the car pulling her camel backpack straps over her shoulders. “Well I’ve never seen where it starts but we do have to cross it at one point.”
I grew concerned. “Will it be hard to cross?”
She chuckled, holding out my camel backpack out to me. “No Hun, it’s easy.”
I stepped toward her to grab my pack. “Thanks.”
“Ready to go?” She asked, turning to the trail.
I pulled my pack on, buckled the strap over my chest and over my belly, “Yes!” I was growing increasingly excited. I let her lead me on the trail in silence. I could see, but mostly hear, the road below us. Yet it didn't break my reverie of being in a magical place. We had been on some trails in Washington, but nothing like that. Things were dryer than in Washington for one. The smell of the pine trees was different than in Washington, the scent of dirt mixed with the greenery. I was soaking in the magic of the mountain for around twenty-five mins before my mother stopped in her tracks, causing me to run into her. “What is it?” I asked.
She placed her finger over her lips, then bent down to take her camera out of her pack. “Look there.” She pointed as she stood up with her camera. I followed her finger to see a group of deer, including five doe, one buck, and three fawn. She began taking photos of them.
“Oh my gosh.” I whispered. “They are so big!”
“I know, right, I’m so happy I brought my camera. I’m getting some great shots.”
My smile ran from my face as I felt a sudden intense feeling I was being watched. It was like no other feeling I had ever felt. My childhood anxiety, which was bad enough to need medication for, couldn’t hold a light to the anxiety and fear I felt at that moment. I felt as if a large beast of some kind was lurking behind the trees and bushes readying itself to pounce and attack my mother and me. I felt my muscles growing tense, a burning sensation began in my heart. As I felt as though I should grab my mother’s arm and run, I felt a strange pull to the beast which I knew in my soul threatened my life. I felt the lure of a parent to mother the beast, I needed to know it, I needed it nearer to me. Then as if a knife stabbed me in my heart, I clutched at my chest looking down to make sure I wasn’t bleeding.
I shook the feeling off and looked frantically around, seeing only the deer ahead of us. “Hey mom...” I spoke as if I had just run a marathon, “Do you feel that? It feels like something is watching us.”
“No,” she gave me a quick glance before looking back at the deer. Then did a double take at my eyes, straightened her stance as the blood rushed from her face.
“What is it?!?” The fear grew stronger in my heart, feeling as if the knife was churning in my heart. She never looked at me with such distress, I wouldn’t have known she was capable of feeling such distress. “Are you breathing?!” I was on the verge of fainting from the anxiety of seeing her show such fear with her entire being, in a way I had never known was possible for her.
She wouldn’t answer, move her gaze from my eyes, or change her expression. Then behind her, the deer jumped and ran away as if someone shot a gun at their legs. Yet there was no sound that I could hear. She swiftly turned to see the deer running for their lives, then turned back to me. “We need to go!”
But—"
“Now!!” She interrupted with the tone you don’t question. I turned around and began walking fast down the trail. She walked half a step behind me, not saying anything else. I looked back at her every few minutes, to see her looking around with fierce eyes as a protective mother bear attitude. I didn’t know what to think. I just kept walking, trying not to stumble as my legs shook under me as if it was the earth that shook beneath me. When we got to the parking area, I ran to the car door, getting there as my mother pressed the button on her keys to open the doors. I opened the door and jumped inside without even taking my pack off first. My mother took hers off, tossed it in the backseat quickly before getting in the car, locking the doors after she closed her door.
I turned to her as she turned the key in the ignition. “Mom, what’s going on?” There were pills of anxiety in my voice that I made no attempt to hide.
She put the car in reverse and pulled out onto the road as if she was the getaway driver for a robbery. “I’m sorry Sariah. There are mountain lions and bears in the mountains. They don’t usually attack people, but it does happen sometimes.” She didn’t even glance at me as she spoke, simply kept her eyes on the road. As far as I knew, she had never lied to me before, but I couldn’t help but think she was keeping something from me. I wanted to question her. But instead I took a deep breath and decided she must have had a good reason to keep whatever it was from me. I looked out the window, and softly said. “Okay mom.” Looking out the window I caught a glance of myself in the side mirror, catching a glimpse of something in my eyes. I processed the look my mother gave me when she looked at my eyes, so I pulled down the sun visor to check the mirror. As I pulled it down to look into my eyes, I felt the feeling of fear disappearing before I looked at my eyes. But still I saw something. There looking back at me in the mirror were eyes that didn’t belong to me. A silver lining swirled around the green of my eyes. After what was only a few seconds, that felt like a long minute, the silver swirled its way into my enlarged pupil then was gone without a trace. I looked at my mom, who was looking at me, but quickly turned back to the road as I looked at her.
I looked at my now familiar eyes, blinked twice, when the silver didn’t return, I began to wonder if it was real to begin with. I wanted so badly to press my mother for answers. But instead I sank into my seat, wrapped my arms around my torso and used the last of my energy to hold back the tears. -what’s wrong with me? What was that? What is she keeping from me? Am I something other than human? What was that out there? I wonder... will I ever know... I need to know...
