GLORY

Inspired by Chimeka Garrick’s “river”in his book A Broken people’s playlist .

Glory

(Written under the influence of “Glory”by Burna boy (ladysmith Black Mambazo)

Gloria and I met in my first year, it rained the day she died same as it rained when we first met , she stayed in the room next to mine and I remember our first encounter was when I went to ask how she managed to get the hostel admins to vacate her room seeing as they were using both our rooms for students physical clearance, I remember her saying she pleaded with them that she was an occupant and had no place to stay , so I did same and the hostel administrator promised my room would be cleared by Monday which it was .

Our second interaction would be when i needed a space to keep my luggage as I had just fumigated my room before moving in ,I remember Gloria helping with taking my bags into her room which was next door and we spent time in beautiful silence before I left for my friend’s room.

We’d later turn to be good friends and at some point I’d lend a photocopy of her admission letter for identification as I had exhausted mine and our ID cards weren’t ready.

Id use the admission letter to go to the library and the security would stare me up and down and ask “your sure your name is Gloria”and I’ll say “yes from benue “He’d be confused cause I’m wearing a hijab and it says on your admission letter that your Christian and studying Christian religious studies and everything about me screams Muslim .

I would walk away leaving him confused ,and on my way out he would wave at me and say “Goodbye husseina”and I would say “no I prefer Gloria”.

I would get back and telll you all about it ,and we would laugh about it for hours ......

I’d tease you about your coursemate samuel (who , as at that time was the only boy I knew in your level) and make up different stories .

Faith ,Peace , Audrey and I would all laugh about it with you trying to tell them I’m just making stuff up ,the good old times .....

I remember a few months before your illness you’d be going to evening service with faith and I’d be teasing you about going to see Samuel ,you were drawing your brows and I’d take the pencil and attempt drawing it for you but I’d do rubbish and you’d take your pencil back and laugh me off (I wish I could tell you how much I know about makeup now and how good I’ve become, I even do makeup as a profession now Gloria).

I also vividly remember the day I left my keys and my roommates weren’t back from class and it was just you and I in your room ,you’d just finished cooking your favorite ,Beans, and I’d laugh and say I hope it grows on your short hair

We’d eat beans and talk random and you’d share me a series movie “it’s okay not to be okay”and I’d threaten you to make sure you send me all episodes cause I hate suspense and we’d laugh

It was always jokes between us , I remember one time I was fake angry at all of you in your room but I exempted you cause you were my “Babylove” ah gloria fun times , and you’d send the final episodes of the movie to my roommate to send to me cause I was asleep , and this would be three days before you died .

Then came the dark days ,we’d all fall sick and I’d go to the clinic and find out I had ulcer and got medications ,faith would have to treat typhoid and malaria same as you ,but you’d complain of joints pain about how your lower back hurts and I’d say perhaps it’s ulcer cause the pharmacist asked if my lower back hurt too and you’d smile a sad smile and I’ll find it awkward but never bother to ask .

And when I start to get better I’d come check up on you and find you lying down and say “ahah is gloria still sick”and faith and peace would say it’s even worse now and I’d be worried for a moment but pray you’d be okay .

Then one day my friend would walk into my room and say “haleemah , your friend is vomiting outside “ and I’ll come out and find you vomiting and tell you sorry and escort you back to your room along with peace and faith

The next I’d see faith helping you to the bathroom and I’d even be more worried.

Then that morning I’d come to iron and find peace dressed in all black and she would tell me that she lost her coursemate to sickle cell anemia and it would all click in my head ,and I’d look at you for your reaction and you’d turn your head and I’d pray for the person and I’d iron and go to my room and tell vicky “I think Gloria is sickle cell and she’s having a crisis” and vicky would say probably and I’d be left to think how I’m to ask seeing as you didn’t tell me .

Then later that day at night you’d come into my room and meet me alone and you’d say “ come and spend time with me outside “ and we’d stay outside our room door and talk , laugh and I’d make videos ,faith and faiza would come to join us outside and we’d all talk and laugh.

Looking back at the video I made that night I’ve cried so many times , how could I not see how much pain you were in , you looked so exhausted and maybe just maybe, I feel that was your final goodbye to me as that would be the last time I set my eyes on you .

I’d come by your room and find out that you just left to the clinic , I’d return at night and find out you weren’t back ,and finally that morning while I would lay in bed and Khaleedah would be standing in front of our door ,I’d hear her say “Bunkie ,security is here ,they said gloria fainted “and they were talking to your roommate tawa .I’d stand up and say :”I need to go and see her I didn’t see her all through yesterday “ and khaleedah would say in shock and fear that “Gloria is dead” and Aisha would run to the door and I’d hear tawa scream

But I won’t be able to say a thing I’d walk to the dooor tears pouring out my eyes look at your door ,

confirm what I heard and take a bucket of water to the bathroom and choke on my tears .

I haven’t been one to really express how I feel ,I don’t know how to.

I feel for the longest time that this is the closest I’ve been to gaining closure from your death,I also feel I was never able to properly mourn you ,I had instead directed all my pain and energy towards the exam that started a week after your death ,reading at Mc13became the only time I could survive another breakdown .