Chapter One
New beginnings
Things have slowly settled, they're not as they were before though and it's really odd. I suppose that's how it should be anyway.
" Bupe "
I look up at the sound of dad's voice, hating how hearing him say my name fills me with anguish. " Yes "
" We need to talk baby girl " he says as he takes the empty seat infront of me. There goes the peace and quiet that I followed out here.
" I'm listening " I say, my eyes returning to the game of chess before me.
Dad sighs before gently closing the board, ending my game and forcing me to acknowledge him. " We need to talk means that you talk too, not just listen " he adds.
I resist the urge to roll my eyes at his words. I love him but I don't appreciate these attempts at conversations. " Okay "
He leans back and I almost literally see some tension roll off him. I shouldn't be this difficult for him but I can't help it I'm healing too. " Bupe..... I know you're still in raw place baby but I need for you to atleast try "
His words stun me for a moment. Try ? Isn't that what I have been doing ? Trying.. always trying
" Okay "
He stares me in a manner that shows that he is at loss for words. The wrinkles in his face deepen and I know they weren't that clear a few months ago....... He's aged.
" Okay ?..... That's all I get ? I have tolerated this long enough Bupe. You have to grow up " he says flatly but I can feel the anger behind his words.
" Let me grow at my own pace Daddy, I need that much "
He looks at me and it feels like it's the first time he's actually looking at me since she left. " Grief is a part of life, you don't get to stop living and expect the world to stop too "
I snap, every piece of me breaking apart before my eyes " I lost my mother, the one person that was truly ever mine. My friend " I cry and for the love of me no tears fall.
" And I lost my wife ! The love of my life and my best friend. And I will not have this conversation with my 17 year old daughter " he says with an abrupt rise to his feet.
He takes a few steps away from the garden chair and sighs before turning back to me " When we laid your mother to rest, you were no where to be seen. The whole mourning process you were basically absent and I let you mourn. But no more. You embarrassed your family and we made excuses for you but you have to own up too "
" Am I not allowed to mourn ? "
Our eyes meet and I see the conflict in his eyes but he blinks it all away. " I'm mourning too Bupe....I lost a piece of myself but I'm not dragging anyone else down with me. You have your final exam in a couple of months, would you mother want you to give up on that ? "
I tense before quickly averting my eyes away from him " No. But she's not here either "
" But I am. And I want you to live, ' takwaba umuntu ulila umulopa Bupe' remember that "
I glance at his retreating form as his words race through my head. ' There is no person who weeps blood ' I have never hated my mother tongue more.
