What is your opinion?
Ehh
"This is not that bad, but some of the sentences aren't spaced out right or wrong use of punctuation. I like the characters and Alisha, but it seemed as if you rushed the character development. If you could improve your punctuation and add more depth to the story, then it would be a remarkable story!!"
Omega's Instinct
"Firstly, writing in the third person should still be limited to the main character in a chapter. Narrators, even when all-knowing, should not move from the perspective of one character to the next. Stick to Alisha. Secondly, your dialog is extremely stiff. It's not flowing smoothly and feels emotionless and robotic. No one talks like that. It's not a play with bad actors. It's a book. A story. Tell us your story. Show us. Think about how real people would react when saying these words. They have voice tone, facial expressions, small movements or actions, sometimes something they heard triggers a memory and they think about it while the conversation drags on, etc. People are all different, each having unique ways of expressing themselves through dialog and small mannerisms. Characters can be the same. Change up how they speak and react. For example "Alphas" are feared instinctually, so making them sound more aggressive and exert more "aggressive" behavior is already a step forward. Use strong and active words to express either urgency or intent. They don't mess around. "Omegas" are weak and timid so express them through dialogue. Use soft and weak words that can show frailness. The last thing I want to touch on is your descriptions. Your characters can be a sheet of paper with their names written on them living inside a generic paper box for all I care - because no information about them is given to the reader. I've mentioned it to other authors, but I'll say the same to you. Readers connect with your story through the characters. If there is nothing attractive about them or nothing at all, then there is nothing to hold onto. Characters bring life to your story. If they are blank sheets of paper they aren't interesting. Flesh them out more. Give them details. Hair. Eyes. Height. Weight. A bit of backstory like how Alisha used to look forward to going to the alpha but how she's heartbroken because they only want to use her for a baby and throw her away. Tell us WHY she's hurt. Saying it hurts her isn't enough for us to understand. My English teacher used to give me good advice back in the day. I'll give it to you. "Write your book for idiots. Assume they know nothing. Assume they don't know what emotions are. You have to explain what they are and what they feel like and why they happen. Assume they don't know what the wind sounds like, or what the rain smells like, or what the tornado on its way to your house does to everyone around it. Describe everything - but be smart about it - don't write boring. Write epic. Show the world not just the characters." So, dear author, I hope this helped you a little. Continue writing. I look forward to seeing you improve. I'll return in the future and write another review. Write on"
