His first love was successful, as he proudly told anyone who was willing to listen to him. While his friends were still grappling with their emotions and uncertainty common to teenagers, he had it all figured out. It wasn’t a mere attraction, but the real thing. After 5 years of being in one-sided love with her, he had finally managed to convince her to go out with him.
He still vividly remembered the day he realized he had a crush on her. They had just started high school. She had attracted his attention within the first few days. She had just transferred to the school, but she had already become a favorite with the teachers and all the classmates. Being a shy person who did not speak unless spoken to, he found her outgoing personality and the ability to get along well with everyone amazing. He noted how she had the ability to get everyone to listen to her despite her soft voice, how she smiled easily, how serious she got when she was working on a problem, how she could talk to a hall full of people looking confident yet you could see the tremor in her hands if you looked carefully. But he did not realise what him noticing all these things actually meant - until one ordinary day.
He had entered the classroom and seen a group of girls crowded around her and chatting while doing something with her hair. And for some reason, as happened every time he saw her, his mind had gone blank. Sitting down at his desk, he tried to focus on his book, but he kept re-reading the same line multiple times. It was so strange. He couldn't understand why he became so dumb in her presence. When the teacher entered, everyone settled down. She sat right next to him and when he looked at her, his face went very warm. She was looking extremely cute. The girls had done something to her hair. Her signature ponytail was gone. She had tied her hair back into two low pigtails. With the new hair-do, her hair framed her round face on both sides. Her long hair, tied so low, fell on her notebook when she bent down to take notes, and she moved it back, slightly irritated. All of it added so much to her cuteness, he was actually surprised he had never considered her appearance at all. While he had spent his time noting the smallest things about her, the thought that she looked pretty had never once crossed his mind. And once he did, it seemed silly how he had never considered that.
But others had. By the time he realized why his mind went blank each time she was near, that for the first time in his life he had considered a girl pretty, and what exactly it meant, other boys had already started whispering amongst each other about how they liked her. Though as far he knew, nobody had mustered enough courage to confess to her. As they progressed through high school, things got more dangerous for him. Some of his more boisterous classmates had started making serious plans on asking her out. While he couldn’t even talk to her further than the usual schoolwork, his friends were talking about dating. But he didn’t dare do anything. He had no confidence that she would ever like him and he couldn’t bear the thought of being rejected by her. It would make him miserable. Every time she talked to other boys or smiled at them, he felt twinges of jealousy. How easy it was for them to just talk to her!
But she did not seem to want a boyfriend. His friends were turned down by her. Although it made him extremely happy each time she turned someone down, he also got worried that if he ever confessed, she would turn him down too. So he kept his feelings to himself. Not even his best-friend knew about it. He was determined to keep it all to himself, if it meant he could at least see her without an air of awkwardness. Every day he felt the feelings deepen. Without knowing how or when, he had fallen for her. His first love. It was completely different from anything he had ever expected or experienced. Such an intense feeling.
But something unexpected happened which changed everything in their last year at high school. He was selected as a school representative for the national debate, which meant he would be travelling to another state for a week. And she had been selected too. A week away in a foreign city chance brought them closer and they talked a lot more as they relied on each other through the week. He was determined to show his sincerity to her, to prove he was not like the other guys she had rejected.
When he finally gathered enough courage to confess his feelings, she rejected him. She told him that she was not interested in dating right now. Her upbringing was very strict so she did not want to get into trouble with her family. But he could not back out. Not now. Not after so many years of one-sided love. So he asked her again, and got rejected. And again. He promised her that they could do it together, keep their relationship a secret if needed. It took some convincing, but she confessed that she was attracted to him as well. They could go out.
After years and years of suppressing his feelings, watching others get close to her, he had finally managed to get his sincerity through. Someone who was so adamant about not dating had finally opened her heart to him. He had a successful first love. He had his happily ever after sorted out.
Alas! If only stories ended at happily ever after. Only 3 months into dating, she told him she couldn’t do it anymore. She had decided to go out with him despite her better judgement. Their friends knew about their relationship so everyone was talking about them. She was constantly on edge in case her family found out. She disliked lying to them. She knew he was a good guy, she said. But she just couldn’t do it anymore. She had to put a stop to it because she wasn’t comfortable. And there was nothing he could do about it. He thought love could conquer all, but he had not considered that there would be external factors at play - things he could not change no matter how much he tried.
His love story had lasted 6 years, and ended in the blink of an eye. 3 months! That’s all he got. 6 years of longing, all for 3 months of smile. He planned to ask her out again, maybe when things calmed down a bit. But it was torture seeing her at school every day. She moved to another state for Uni as soon as high school ended.
It’s been 10 years now. He has seen her photos with other guys. He has moved on too. He has met someone else, someone who loves him and someone he loves too. But, sometimes, in his dreams, or when he is particularly sad, he still remembers her. Not with the raw pain of all those years ago but a bittersweet nostalgia. His first love. His successful first love. A fate not many first loves get. But a happy ending that didn’t stay happy. Perhaps, it would have been better if they had never dated. At least he could have been left with beautiful memories of a first love, memories not tainted by the immensely painful years that followed the separation. He no longer wished a successful first love on any one. Everyone deserved a successful final love.
