Chapter 1
The smoggy air of the dry summer enveloped the city and created a smokiness when mixed with exhaust ascending from the high rises. Men and Women hustled to their offices after late lunches and the sounds of their voices eventually died to complete silence. Taxis passed up and down the wide streets to seduce stragglers to make evening fares, but most people were inside air-conditioned spaces waiting for the workday to end. Candi Briar moved from the heat outside into one of the air-conditioned buildings and up the escalator to G. Wunderman Incorporated. She took off her dark sunglasses and greeted the secretary. Candi then sat down in the waiting area and crossed her long smooth legs.
Candi set her mind to study while she waited. She concentrated on the man and woman waiting to be interviewed sitting in the opposite benches. The narrow glass paned walkway had enough space for the secretary to move between the managerial office and her desk, which she had done over the past hour. Candi checked the time on her small numberless watch. There was one hour before her date. She was supposed to meet her date after work but came early to prepare her mind.
Candi wanted her life to go smoothly and to make good memories after living through the hurricanes that were her past few relationships. Her friend Monica had set up the date and Candi was hopeful the date would go well and if the date did not, she would have a great story to tell about a fancy restaurant. The only things Candi knew about her date came from magazine interviews and news reports.
Candi never thought she would ever meet anyone so successful until Monica called her. Candi brushed from the top of her dark fingers to her recently and intricately retouched wrapped nails. She pressed her neatly painted lips together and batted her smoky eyes. Candi had perfected using light colors to highlight her dark brown eyes and skin. Candi recrossed her legs from left to right and unexpectedly gained the attention of the male interviewee.
She lowered her eyes and let out a soft giggle and understood he interpreted the reaction as her being interested. The red dress that was tight on top and flowed out to her knees from her waistband was loose enough to allow her to turn away from him easily in her seat. She knew the action made him believe she was playing hard to get. Men! They were never this easy to get when she was in college. She had enough stories of rejection to fill thousands of novels, but now she was not interested she was unable to shake them off.
She used the long thin fingers of her left hand to place her bobbed and straightened hair behind her ear. Rejection! She weighed her options. In the past men had threatened her for telling them she was not interested because of her sexuality. She decided to read him and noticed his slight rigid movements trying to hide his anxiety. She knew he was fresh from college. Excited about the future and not love. One night stand? She was not that type of woman. She played out their conversation in her mind.
“Hi,” he would say.
“Hi,” she would reply.
“Are you here for the interview?”
“No. I’m meeting someone.”
“Oh?”
“Yes.”
“By any chance is it someone your seeing?”
“Why?”
“I was thinking we could get coffee after my interview?”
“I don’t know.”
“You can leave anytime if you don’t like me.”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on. It’s just coffee.”
“I don’t mind. I can’t. I have a date.”
“With someone from this office?”
“Is that a problem?”
“Well maybe some other evening?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
Candi then imagined the male intern approaching the other interviewee to salve his hurt pride and suggesting they go for coffee after the interview. Candi thought of the alterations he would make in their conversation. Candi was certain he would portray her as rude. She went through the conversation he would claim happened in her mind.
He would tell the woman he approached her by saying: “Hi,” and she was rough in her reply, “What do you want?”
“Why’re you being so rude?”
“I’m here in the office waiting for an interview. I don’t need to be bothered by you.”
“I was only asking you to coffee.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Fine,” he was rough.
Candi was certain these were the things he would say to get the other woman’s empathy and every time she visited the office the woman would give her dirty looks until they broke up.
Candi moistened her lips and moved her tongue on the edge of her teeth preparing to speak. This was not going to be a knife in his heart! She planned to gently tell him she was unable to have coffee if this was the plan, but what if he wanted a pencil or to talk about the weather? She considered she dreamt herself into a hard place. Why would this man be interested in her? What if she was reading his signals wrong? What if he was gay?
Candi smiled and tapped the center of her forehead softly. She took out her phone from the small silver bag that matched the moderately high heal shoes she chose to wear in case the date went bad, and she needed to get the train. She then heard a male voice above her head. His shadow then darkened her phone’s screen and she looked up.
“Hi,” she spoke.
“I saw you looking at me.”
“I was? I’m sorry.”
Candi wanted to tell him she misread him adjusting in his seat and lowering his eyes as flirting and wanted to apologize. She placed her phone into her bag and before she spoke, he did.
“You’re dressed beautifully. You’re not here for the interview?”
“No.”
“So, you’re meeting someone?”
“Why are you asking?”
“I thought maybe. Well. Maybe you’re meeting someone in the office. Then I saw you staring at me. So did he reject you?”
“Why’d you say that?”
“I know you don’t want your nice dress to go to waste. Do you want to get coffee?”
“Thank you, but I’m waiting for someone.”
“For thirty minutes?”
“The workday isn’t over.”
“You’re right.” He moved his lips close enough to Candi’s ear and spoke softly, “Maybe next time?”
Candi wanted to reply: “Never! And I only want a woman”. She narrowed her eyes. She was not in the mood to offend anyone, especially a potential love interest’s employee. The future of seeing his glaring face in the office every time she visited was upsetting.
“This man must be really exciting,” he spoke.
“He is.”
She wanted to tell him she was meeting a woman. His future boss. Then she considered how would he behave during the interview after learning who she was meeting? She refused to let him embarrass her and a potential lover because of jealousy.
“May I ask who he is?” he spoke.
The secretary cleared her throat from behind her small oval desk and called him into the office and Candi wondered if the secretary was trying to save him from embarrassment. The truth was Candi was not against men, but over the past few years she preferred relationships with women. They were no different than men. She was not going to recount the heartbreaks from the many women she let into her life. It was too painful. All she knew is she needed to be with a woman. Maybe it was a phase and after a few years she would date men and women indiscriminately again. She was unable to predict the future, but all she wanted in her life at that point was a good woman.
The secretary nodded at Candi with lifted eyebrows. She never understood why women like her boss and Candi even bothered taking so much time on their looks. She was certain women did not care about these things in other women. She then considered that maybe the rules were different for those types. She loved Miss. Wunderman. She thought of her as a daughter but wished she would find a good man instead of chasing women. The secretary believed this was the reason Miss. Wunderman was unsuccessful in love. Was it even possible for her to get true pleasure from another woman in the bedroom? The secretary doubted and was certain a good man with a good dick would straighten Miss. Wunderman out.
The secretary took a sip of the coffee she was able to keep hot all day in a thermos. The taste was bitter and always burnt her stomach, but she drank coffee. She used the thermos of coffee as a buffer to avoid any offers of a poured cup from her peers. The secretary checked underneath her polish-less nails for dirt and used a clean tissue to wipe any that was there away.
Candi read the messages in her phone. She left work early to get ready for the date. The day before she directed her assistant on how to properly set up the meeting with the investors and told him to message if anything went wrong. She saw no messages and exhaled in relief. She was busy on her phone and did not see the last interviewee leave and her date come out of the office, holding her jacket back at the waist.
“Candi Briar?”, Gemma spoke extending her hand.
“Hi,” Candi replied. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Monica never said you were pretty.”
“Thank you.” Candi studied Gemma’s small face and narrow waist that led into wide hips. She wanted to tell her she should have been a model. “Where’re we going?”
“I don’t like eating in the city on Fridays. There’s a place by my house that’s good.”
Candi suspected Gemma wanted her to spend the night and she wanted to make her understand she was not that type of woman. She took Gemma’s hand and stood. She thought of what to say to make this clear without offending Gemma.
“I’m not staying over,” she spoke.
“I don’t want you to,” Gemma replied and narrowed her eyes.
Candi read in the expression that Gemma found the statement strange. Why would she want her to spend the night so soon? She remembered that Monica swore that Gemma was looking for a relationship.
“So how do you know Monica?”, spoke Candi.
“A friend introduced us a few years back. What about you?”
“I’ve known her since high school.”
Gemma placed her hand gently on Candi’s waist. She was not testing her. She touched her to see if she was real. Monica never explained Candi was the type to take pride in her appearance. Gemma felt most women had forgotten this principle and this was the reason she dated so little.
“You might think I’m superficial for saying how beautiful you look. I don’t care,” Gemma spoke.
“Don’t you think I am? You’re going on a date right from work and I left my job early to get ready.”
“Thank you for taking the time to dress up for me.”
“I always try to look my best.”
Gemma’s dusty blond hair reflected the light of the setting sun. Monica explained Gemma’s family were part of a dying breed. She was a mix of African and Dutch from a small island. Not the daughter of wealth, but the result of a meeting of two willing souls on a warm moonlit night.
The reality that Gemma was able to overcome her background made Candi ashamed. What was her reason for not being a billionaire by age twenty-five? She worked for the same moderately successful company since college and was too afraid to venture out. She thought of asking Gemma for advice on success then concluded that may be interpreted as probing.
“What do you like to do on you free time?” Candi stepped onto the elevator first.
“I’m a homebody. I think if I was straight, I would’ve been a housewife.”
“My dad’s a house-dad.”
“Yea?”
“He lost his job when I was in junior high. I think during a merger.”
“He didn’t want to work anymore?”
“He couldn’t find a job. I think he crossed a lot of people. It’s so bad I had to use a different last name.”
“Briar?”
“My last name is actually Bumble.”
Gemma recalled her mentor mentioning the last name Bumble and grew concerned associating with Candi could become an issue.
“Don’t mention it to anyone else,” she spoke.
“I know better.” Candi mentioned her family’s past to Gemma to test her reaction and she was certain there was no way for Gemma to use her past against her.
“Do you want to go someplace more private?”
“Are you worried? A lot of my dad’s business associates are retired, dead and don’t even know who I am.”
Gemma decided to still look up the Bumbles. She worked too hard to get there and she was not going to risk everything on a woman. The city had millions of women and she was wealthy enough to even make straight women gay. Gemma smiled. The thought of marry a straight woman was not appealing. She placed her hands on her narrow waist. She had chosen her black and white striped suit with a low cleavage for today to make her feel powerful. She learned long ago it was okay to use a sexuality to her advantage.
“I’m not afraid,” she spoke.
“To be with me?”
“No. To get to know you.”
“My dad wasn’t wrong for what he did.”
Gemma knew she would eventually know the truth and decided she would end the relationship if Candi was lying. This of course depended on if the date went well.
“What does you mom do?”
“She was an N.P.” Candi remembered what Monica said about Gemma’s parents. “What about your parents?”
“I grew up in a loving home. Doesn’t make me endearing? It shouldn’t. I don’t choose to be. My dad loved me and my brother. My mother’s a hot mess, but I still love her.”
Candi wanted to know more, but she knew Gemma would not answer and decided to wait until they got closer.
Gemma led Candi to her sportscar and held the door open for her on the passenger side. “Let me know if I’m driving too fast.”
“Aren’t you afraid of the police?”
Gemma understood one rule and that was she could buy anyone’s loyalty and the police were no different. She was able to get her brother off for murder a years ago. The cost was not cheap, but it was worth it and after some time she made double what she lost. She chose to keep this knowledge to herself because she knew Candi would not agree or would not understand.
“This is your choice,” she spoke.
Gemma counted the seconds and was about to close the door when Candi got in. She moved to the driver’s side and realized it was the first time in years anyone hesitated to do what she wanted. Gemma took out the too clips she used to hold up her hair and shuck it out.
“How long is the drive?”, Candi spoke.
Gemma decided she would have her driver take her home if the date was bad.
“An hour without traffic,” she replied.
“Do you drive into work everyday?”
Gemma understood Candi was trying to make small talk to rid the car of the silence that had taken over during the past fifteen minutes. She had not realized how deep in thought she was. She had briefings to give on Monday and contracts to review on Tuesday and needed the entire weekend to prepare.
“Sometimes I let my driver take me,” she spoke.
“What’s your home like?”
“You won’t be seeing it for a long time. You won’t even be seeing my town.” Gemma recognized the disappointment in Candi’s face and decided to tell her a little about herself. “My town is one of those old black towns that line the river. And my house is the highest one on the hill.”
“Must be nice.”
“No. Its work. Hard-work.”
Candi understood Gemma was not only talking about the hard-work she put in to become and stay on the top, but also the work she put in to keep up the appearance of wealth.
“You see for me. Its not only looking like I have money. I am rich. What about you?”
“I’ve been working at the same company for the past few years.”
“In publishing right?”
“Monica told you?”
Gemma wanted to tell her no. She had hired a private investigator to look up Candi and had not found anything about her father. She thought about the lengths Candi might have gone to separate herself from her father’s past.
“Not everything,” she spoke.
“I started with editing for the magazine and soon I’ll be an agent.”
“Is it stressful?”
Gemma doubted Candi’s job was as stressful as hers.
“Monica told me you own your own company.” Candi moved her hair behind her ears. “What’s that like?”
“I saw a market. Nothing special.”
“But now you’re the richest woman in the world.”
“Is that why you wanted to go out with me?”
“No.” Candi decided to be honest. “Partly. I thought you’d make it a fun date because you’re rich.”
“Most people aren’t honest with why they want to spend time with me.”
“Me liking you has nothing to do with your money. If I will like you.”
“Everyone says they love me, Candi.”
“Unlike everyone else I meant it. I want to get to know the real you. It will take time, but I’m patient.”
“Only time will tell if that’s true.”
Candi agreed. She was experienced enough to understand relationships between strangers took years to build and she expected a woman with Gemma’s achievements to move even slower. She knew they would not sleep together until they were dating for a few months. She believed that Gemma still might not even introduce her to friends and family. Candi pinched herself on the forearm. Why was she judging a woman she did not know?
“No sex on the third date sort of thing,” she spoke.
“What’re you talking about? I’m a virgin!”
Candi laughed because she believed Gemma was joking. Monica had told her that Gemma had broken up with her girlfriend of six years a year ago. She doubted anyone could be with someone for that long and not have sex.
“What if I wasn’t joking?” Gemma parked the car in the outdoor driveway of the restaurant. “I could be saving myself for the right woman.” She switched off the radio she had put on the play soft blues during the drive.
Candi knew from Monica that Gemma was tied to many women over the years. Candi was certain it was impossible for her to give in to temptation. Candi took Gemma’s hand.
“There’s a chance I could be your first?”
“Maybe.”
“You’re a strong woman.”
“I know you’ve been with men.”
“You want to know what men are like?”
“No. I know who I am. I have known since I was a kid. I didn’t need to be with my first girlfriend to figure out I was a lesbian.”
“I wish I saved myself. Might’ve cause me less heartache.”
Gemma got out of the car and held the door open for Candi. She never minded taking the lead in relationships. She believed in pursuing everything she wanted. The worst thing that could happen was failure and she doubted she would fail. Gemma watched Candi’s small back, narrow waist and wide hips sway to the entrance of the restaurant. She bit her lip and tried to ignore the man and his wife watching them on a bench nearby.
She followed Candi to the entrance and was about to reach for the when Candi held the door open for them both. Gemma confessed to herself that she wanted Candi. She had dated a lot of women, but Candi was different. Gemma understood Candi was not the type to give in easily. She was certain Candi was not going to show up at her house in the middle of the night to get into her bed and this was not that Candi was hard to get. Candi instead was not constrained by the rules that guided every action of Gemma’s daily choices. Candi had the freedom to choose between man or woman.
Gemma envied Candi’s freedom during the few minutes it took for the hostess to show them to their seats in a private area of the restaurant. Candi had no need to read cues in other women to figure out if they were interested. She was not hindered by the social circle that created a familiarity between lesbians of the city. “The oh you’re dating her. I dated her last year list.” Gemma then felt sorry for Candi. She was too free, and Gemma liked knowing where she stood in the battle for love. She preferred women and she was not confused.
Gemma leaned back in her seat and unbuttoned the sole button of her jacket. She requested the private room to escape the stares from the couples she secretly believed were looking on in envy because she was free to be herself. She felt the soft cool touch of her long gold necklace pressing on the skin between her small perky breast.
“Do you like our table?” Gemma sipped from the glass of wine the waiter placed in front of her. “I told them I wanted a private room. In the evening I like to relax.”
Candi considered the town’s people were intolerant, and Gemma wanted the private room to hide.
“Next time I’ll take you to one of the places I hang out. Lots of young professionals. Great music and good food.”
“The food here is good,” spoke Gemma quickly.
“I saw how they looked at us. I saw how they looked at you.”
“They’re jealous. Intimidated. I’ve reached heights in my career they never will.”
“It’s not because of your sexuality?”
“Maybe. I don’t care,” Gemma heard the coldness in her own voice and held her throat. She cared nothing about what they thought. She was going to live her life the way she was created to. “I love myself and women. That’s their problem.”
“What if you’re putting yourself in danger?”
“You really think these people will risk going to jail? They care too much. They want to look good in front of everyone. A prison record would make that impossible.”
Gemma thought of telling Candi that no one outside of town would dare speak of her sexuality in public because she had blackmail on every one of them.
Candi was unable to disagree. She took a sip of wine from the large glass in front of her. “What are you having?” Candi noticed a crack in her nail that extended from the tip to the cuticle. She tried to think of where she banged her nail between the car and taking her seat inside the restaurant.
Gemma took Candi’s hand. “I’ll take you to the place I go. The woman who does my nails is great. I’m good friends with the owner, so he’ll give you a good deal.”
“Thank you.”
“You didn’t think I was the type to care about these things. Did you?”
“I see how well you’re put together. I know you are.”
Candi took hold of Gemma’s hands and realized her nails were natural and long, before Gemma pulled her hand away.
“It’s not the time yet for hand holding,” spoke Gemma.
“What’re you having?”
“I’m not hungry. Have whatever you want. The steak’s good.”
“Salmon? Is the salmon good?”
“Never ate it here.”
“So, what’re you doing tomorrow?”
“Why?” Gemma had not meant to sound defensive, but the thought of tomorrow made her think of the briefings and contracts she needed to prepare. “I’m going to church. I’ll be there all day.” Gemma smiled. She had not been inside a church since pre-school.
“You’ll like my friend Stephen. He’s obsessed with Jesus.”
“You don’t go to church?”
“No. I don’t. Going to church for a gay person is like a black person joining the army. Why? It doesn’t serve you.”
“You need to tell that to Stephen.”
“I tell him all the time.”
Gemma took another sip of wine. Her mother was crazy because of religion which made her not care for it. Gemma had no issue with religion. She was not offended that most of their sacred text stated she was an abomination. She had no interest in altering religious law for modern context.
“What’s the name of the church you go to?”, Candi spoke.
“I don’t go to church.”
“You lied?”
“Yes, I lied.”
“Did you lie earlier?”
“Don’t you lie?”
Candi thought of every time she told a lie and realized she never lied casually. She worried Gemma’s lying would be the theme of their relationship. She took a sip of wine and leaned back in her seat.
“How many times do you lie a day?”, spoke Candi.
“Every chance I get. We all lie. We tell ourselves each day we’re better than other people. We deserve the best.”
“But is it necessary?”
“What’d you mean?”
“I get lying to save your life. Lying just because. I don’t get.”
Gemma thought of her mother and softly pressed her tongue into her top lip. She considered she could share a part of herself with Candi, without letting her know too much.
“I was raised to believe lying was a sin,” spoke Gemma.
“So, you do go to church?”
“No. Never. Haven’t since I was a toddler.”
“I’ve never been inside a church.”
“You’re lying?”
“No. My parents are atheists. I guess that’s why it was so easy for them to accept me.”
“Maybe.” Gemma thought of the different reactions between her mother and father when they found out she was gay. “You’re lucky then. My mother went to the church to pray for me after I told her.”
“I want to know what she’d have done for me.”
“The same.”
“Did she try to hurt you?”
“No. Never. We don’t talk. Actually. I don’t talk to her. She’s always on saying God this and God that. I don’t pay attention.” Gemma signaled for the waiter to change the topic. “Do you want to order?” She took a sip of wine and when the waiter came to the table she leaned forward. “I think I’m going to get the steak.”
“I’m going to have the blackened salmon and salad.” Candi handed her menu to the waiter. “And a slice of cheesecake for dessert.”
“Give me the German chocolate cake for dessert. Thank you.” Gemma placed her menu on the table. “Never know I might change my mind. She saw the waiter smile.
“Do you always?”
“Change my mind? Yes. It’s a woman’s right. We should go for a drive after dinner.”
“Does that mean the date is going well?”
“It’s too early to know. The last date I went on she got drunk and started vomiting in the middle of the date.”
“Did you bring her here?”
“No. I don’t think I can ever go back to that place. It was one of my favorite restaurants too.”
“I thought you didn’t care what other people think?”
“I don’t like exposure. With my money came fame. People are always looking for me to screw up. Its sucks.”
“You have a private life though?”
“This part of my life is. This is the reason I take my time to get to know anyone I’m dating. I don’t want to get screwed over.”
Candi understood Gemma was telling her to avoid making mistakes if they became exclusive. She thought of the most embarrassing decisions she made in the past and she realized there were two. The first was getting blackout drunk with her first boyfriend and posting the images online and the second was visiting a nude beach a few years back.
“What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?”, spoke Candi.
“I stripped in a club once. It wasn’t a dare. No one I knew was around. I don’t even know what possessed me. I just drove to a strip club. I went up on stage. I swirled around the pole and took my clothes off.”
Gemma stared directly into Candi’s eyes to see if she was judging her. Candi was not. Candi was concerned that her story was not going to be as intriguing.
“Did you feel empowered?”, spoke Candi.
“I don’t know. Never going to do that again.”
Gemma recalled during that time she had just broken up with her first girlfriend in college. She took another sip of wine. Gemma finally understood the reason she went to the club that night was to regain control of her body. She hated anyone telling her what to do, something her first college girlfriend was prone to doing. Gemma was unable to remember the girl’s name and considered she had blocked her out.
Candi decided to create an exaggerated story for Gemma. She felt awful for lying, but she believed her story needed to be more interesting:
“I got caught having sex with one of my boyfriends on the school lawn by a professor and Dean of my college. It wouldn’t be that bad, but they were giving potential donors a tour. I still can’t believe I didn’t drop out.” Candi noticed Gemma’s face reddening. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”
“Explain this to me. You like both men and women?”
“I’m attracted to you if that’s your question. And yes, I like both men and women. Not together. I only do one relationship at a time.”
“What happens when you find a man you like?”
“Don’t cheat and I won’t find another man or woman. Gemma if this is a problem for you. We can end the date.”
Gemma thought of Candi’s suggestion to end the date for a few minutes, then she realized there was something appealing about Candi. Candi’s deep chocolate skin reflected the soft light of the restaurant and Gemma longed to touch her.
“We don’t have to,” she spoke.
“Okay.” Candi reached for Gemma’s hand. “I want a woman. I think I want to be with you. I will know in time.”
Gemma wanted to know what would happen in a few years when Candi wanted a man. She had two friends who dated bi-sexual women and in both cases, they ended up with men. The thought of a man in her bed, soiling her sheets made Gemma want to throw up. Yet was she able to take this chance with Candi? She refused to believe Candi was the type to disrespect her by sleeping with a anyone besides her in her bed, except she did not know Candi well. She concluded to take time to get to know Candi. Gemma placed her hand on top of Candi’s.
“Okay,” spoke Gemma.
“So do you want to hang out tomorrow?”
“I can’t. I have work.”
“Are you blowing me off?”
“I start work at 8:00am. I’m going for a run in the morning. You can come with me.”
“Do you run every day?”
“Not every day.”
“Are you putting me up in a hotel?”
Gemma knew Candi was not a thief or murderer from her background check. She believed she could trust her.
“You can stay in my guest house,” she spoke.
“Once you’re comfortable.”
“I am.”
The waiter placed their food on the table. Candi sat up straight and took another sip of wine before she began eating.
“Is everything good?”, spoke Gemma.
“Yes.”
Gemma nodded. She was hoping everything would work out with Candi. Her last relationship was difficult, and she wanted something easy.
