Pinkey Winkey

One year have already passed, yet my patience still as strong as ever. The temptation as well was throwing me left and right, just like a wrecked ship lost in a deep sea. Though I haven’t given up yet, not now…

Right above my head a wall exists, a wall where all my small achievements are hung, a calendar filled with marks and a dozen of pointless quotes to “keep me going” and “be strong”. Cute right?!, but here I ’am looking at the same ceiling, wrapping my head around the idea. It tells me; since I’m writer, than life is hiding something great for me one day. I was confident when I decided that picking writing is the struggle that I want to chase.

Like they say “misery loves company” and love is commitment after all.

Usually, I set my clock around 6am. I wake up with a dizzy head, aching from last night, marching towards the bathroom, doing what every person with decent hygiene do. I prepare my white Russian cocktail that I learned from the movie “The Big Lebowski”, then I sit on the same exact chair, take a first sip, crack up my fingers, then stare at this white screen for hours and hours… until my eyes begin to play tricks on me.

Well, when it comes to writing, I think one of the following two is true, either you come up with a name first, or the story first. The same old egg chicken paradox that I don’t even call a paradox anymore. I have cracked it years ago, it is actually simple, eggs came from chicken, chicken came from the dinosaurs and all of us came from a single cell organism, the thingy. Easy!

Chicken came first!... I got side tracked, where was I… ah! I choose naming first, for couple of reasons actually like…hum… Naming is more fun, rhythming words like “pool tool”, or “pinky Winkey” helps explore my creative side. I know they sound silly; I’m just making examples. Here I’m not going to name a story “pool tool” or “pinky Winkey”, but like I said, names are fun and they can help me imagine the whole story.

Right after naming is done, I take my time thinking what would the book cover look like. Having a preview would help me for sure to inspire the story. Hmm let’s see… making the cover pink is stupid right? It is! Well we can skip this for now…. Let’s get back to the title “Pinky Winkey”” for the sake of this example… it could be a tale of 2 brave friends who want to be inspired so they decided to travel the world, in order to discover their inner peace. Well come to think of it… teenagers won’t read this childish stuff… let me adjust it a bit … AHA! “Pinky Winkey”, a tale of 2 roommates who took shrooms on a Monday and embarked on a journey to find inspiration! That would definitely sell!!

Well, that was fast. Actually surprisingly fast, too fast to the point where I thought that it shouldn’t be this fast… I’ll give it more time, now what’s to be done… I didn’t know that writing my own thoughts would lead me to a new idea. I should do this more often…

Yes! The other thing I do to write is recording my own dreams and recreating them into a well-shaped story. I can’t admit that it worked out, but it is a work in progress. That way I will be able to dig deep into my inner thoughts like a lot of artists are doing, I would even connect with my own traumas to make a story more relatable.

I have been living on my own for a quite some time now, I don’t really enjoy it, but it is better than having someone nagging on me days and night. To this point, I have enough voices inside of my head. Hey! You want to hear a funny story? You actually know it already but here it is… back in fourth grade we wrote a story about two little pigs who decided to sacrifice themselves to the city king to prove that they were the tastiest ones in town, do you remember the ending? It was perfect! I still can’t believe that stupid teacher gave me an F back then…

Ah, who cares Mr. Stinson, I passed your class anyway and here I’m still writing to this day. But what if what Mr. Stinson did was right; what if I really don’t have what it takes to be a writer… I know that I can be whatever I believe I can. At least that’s what I have been told since I was a child, but now it hits differently. Being in my late 30’s with no major stories that are published, nor a clear career, have I made the wrong choices? Is life is punishing my disobedient ass? Or it’s worse than that? Has life already given up on me and now I became shadow, an outcast…not even worth being punished?

RED! The cover should be red! A powerful color with a lot of meanings, it draws a lot of attention. I bet readers will be rushing towards the book like bulls in Spain. Hmm… fighting bulls could be an interesting chapter in my story after all! The two trippy boys spoke with a spirit bull that took them to Spain. The spirit told them that in order to finish this trial and to acquire the strength, they have to continue. Bull is also a horoscope, I can use all of them as spiritual animals. “The 12 trials”! That’s an even greater name for my story! Catchy, easy to understand, has a sense of danger in it, I like it! But I need a villain; something that would create troubles for these young boys… My father would be a perfect example in a story like this. What an asshole.

Looking around the house made me realize that I didn’t change a thing about the furniture for a quite some time now. Same old dull vibe, I should consider adding more colors instead of this brown white stuff. He used to tell me “God has a brown voice…” I don’t know from where he has caught this, and I have always thought that it is stupid... voices do not have colors and especially God, in the first place he does not even exist, yet, I believed in it for a long time. I would’ve loved to open a debate with that old asshole about it, however, that would challenge his so-called authority which will lead me to more troubles.

He was both, a religious and a sinner, actually one step away from becoming a drunken pirate, yet there was something about him. It has always left me fascinated. He treated everyone like garbage, me, my two sisters, even mom, but never his dog. Nope, that dog was God in disguise for the old man. You can call that compassion to a certain degree… he was always standing tall, no matter how tired he might have been, his skin looked like a dry ocean, with a look that gives multiple emotions at once, anger, sadness… He is both, the calm before the storm and the hurricane… well fuck him… and, God bless his whinny soul.

So, the villain must be some authoritarian bastard, some kind of an omnipotent being who stole inspiration from humans in order to control their thoughts and motives, and our two heroes are the ones who took the forbidden fruit, heroes challenging a power beyond their understanding.

I really like where this is going, though, will I ever find an audience once this one is finished? Well first, I have to go through the pain of submitting it somewhere. Waiting for some bourgeois publisher to read it, and if it gets his attention, then maybe it might get published and that’s when an audience will have a look at it. However, what if that person did not like it? Maybe 100 of that exact same guy felt the same about it? Does that automatically make it a bad story? Not just this story, art in general, if an art curator does not like a piece of art, does that make it worthless? Do these guys really have the power to decide if an art is good or bad? Personally, I think it’s Bullshit. Nonetheless, that is how things are going and that is how profit is made. If I just look around and see what is trending in our society, what is selling and what is not, write about it, include some key elements about races, cultures, behaviors… then I will most definitely fit in the industry in a blink of an eye.

To hell with “Pinky Winkey”.