What is your opinion?
Forgotten Minds 2
"Great story, Find the plot and detail entertaining. Describes the toll that war takes on a soldiers mind and his struggle to endure "
Captivating
"For having English as your second language, the story is really well written. But as I have read only some few chapters I wouldn't jump to conclusions because there were some mistakes which an editor can easily look out for. Nevertheless, the story has a nice plot and the concept is really good."
The ending
"As a reader, i felt theast chapter did not quite explain how he felt post it as much as it desrcibed how he felt when hewas in it. The end felt abrupt and I wish it could have been more elaborate. But i loved the story. It was quite vivid and portrayed wonderfully his journey through the grueseome experience."
Forgotten Minds
"Whew. one telling his story, in the Bar, to his friend, who questions some circumstances that need clarity, The Confusion comes from a man, carrying his dead friend Chappies, while conversing with himself, and Chappies, and his alter ego......a broken mind, not yet forgotten.......... The Author was diligent in describing his friends death, odor of death, which is real if the reader has ever experienced what happens when the body is dying, then dies. His discussion in the field, with himself, his broken knee, and the loss of his friend, now has only a thread of sanity to carry him to safety, hide from the torches in the distance coming for him, with dogs smelling the flesh of death, to follow and find his hiding place. The language should be corrected, the story line is long, as would be memoirs. Plot? Where is the Plot, perhaps in later chapters that unfortunately, I could not attend too. This is a story of one who has experienced death, and shadows coming for him. Back to the Bar, Return to the field, Back to the Bar..............does work well................."
Powerful
"This is a tale that is all too familiar to South African readers having lived through a war era on our borders and beyond. It is obviously autobiographical as the mind under duress is so detailed and real. It has fantastic suspense if a bit disjointed - perhaps that is the fear and loneliness coming through. I do feel that the writing needs a hard edit and I generally find reading in the first person is hard going. It is one-dimensional and it takes the death knell suspense out of it, after all you are still alive to write the story. It is a powerful story, gives one plenty to think about and of course the reader is rooting for your protagonist all the way. This is a good job and any editor worth his salt would be able to polish it up. I do wish you well with the competition."
Interesting Perspective
"This novel has an interesting perspective on a broken mind that obviously the author took a lot of time into creating. The main protagonist is very fleshed out and complex, allowing the readers to root for and feel empathy towards him. There is enough in there to really give the reader an emotional rollercoaster, being realistic but not gruesome to the point where readers feel like they can't anymore. I feel this story has great potential and I can't wait to see it published one day. **Author notes in the comments. I hope I can help!"
Neat story
"I just looked at the beginning of your story, and I like it so far. I'm not sure that it's really my cup of tea, but I figured I would try to give you some feedback. The story is very interesting, with what I assume to be two war veterans talking about their experiences. The imagery in this is very vivid and evocative. I liked the way you handled the PTSD involved and his attitude toward his therapist. The story he tells is appropriately gruesome and well-handled. It was powerful without being gory. I thought your use of the voice in his head was very interesting. It made him seem more disconnected from the situation, like he was on autopilot or trying to help someone else through it. Your description of his feelings was really good. I thought that adding in the picture of Chappie's family was a stellar - and sad - touch. The writing was good but needs to be cleaned up. I ran across numerous grammatical errors and typos. I did enjoy reading this. I hope that it does well in the contest! Good work!"
Gem that needs strong polish
"I am an author first, but I still try to act as a reader. There was a lot for me to learn in reading what I've read of your story. Like the previous review, by Alex R., I really like how you've implemented a ruined mind in writing. I read the first chapter, then darted through the rest to watch how you continued to write and progress the plot forward. For me, I would find it easier to read if your technical skills were polished. That being said, I really, REALLY think this would be an amazing story for anyone if it were easier to consume. It doesn't have to be any less jarring and tough to follow because that's the point of it all. So, if this had a really hard edit to help it shine, I feel your story could give so many people a deep view on what it might be like to live in this man's shoes and behind his eyes."
