Jackson stared at the phone he held in his hand, the light from the screen illuminating his face in the darkness of his room. His head rested on the pillow of his bed, the image on his phone reflecting in his eyes. He didn’t know how long he had been staring at it, the last message he had sent.
I just want you to be happy—best of luck.
His girlfriend--his ex-girlfriend--Viola, had responded with a similar message.
You too, I wish you the best.
Jackson knew there were no hard feelings. The two of them had felt like they had drifted apart. They had been spending less and less time together, and Viola had been spending more time with someone else, an old friend she had been reconnecting with. Jackson knew that she would be with his old friend even now.
‘No hard feelings,’ Jackson thought as he rolled over in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, resting his phone against his chest. The tightness in his chest and the churning in his stomach told him otherwise. There absolutely were still feelings, but nothing like anger or hate. He didn’t even know if he could hate Viola.
But he did hate how things ended over a text message. He wished they could’ve talked in person; maybe things would’ve turned out better.
‘Probably not,’ Jackson thought. They had never actually argued on anything, at least nothing significant enough that would’ve been enough for a breakup. The passion that they had just… wasn’t there anymore.
He remembered watching how the sunlight would hit her eyes and make them shine. He remembered her tiny smile and laugh that put butterflies in his stomach. He could still remember her arms around his waist, how she would lean her head against his shoulder.
He remembered giving her neck playful kisses whenever she would sit in his lap; the little giggles that always followed would make him smile.
Blip
He looked back at his phone. There was a new message from Viola.
We both need time to process things, but I don’t want to cut things off entirely. I’d still like to talk and hang out if possible.
Jackson quickly sat up in his bed, his fingers hovering over the keyboard on his phone. How should he respond? Should he respond? His chest tightened more. He didn’t know if he wanted to see her again. Would seeing her again make things worse? Make the feelings in him turn bitter?
His fingers still hovered over the keyboard.
Jackson sat his phone off to the side and folded his hands into his lap. He needed to think.
‘What if I just never see her again?’ Jackson thought, ‘Would that be easier?’
But if he never saw Viola again, going to the mall would be less fun. She always knew how to make going shopping fun; she could make going anywhere fun. Jackson remembered having fun at the lake, thanks to Viola Showing him how to skip stones across the water.
Viola was the one who introduced him to Marcus, and Marcus was the one who dragged him into Dungeons & Dragons. And it was at that first session that he met Belle and Simon. He’d never want to give them up or grow farther away from them.
All three of them had been there when his uncle died, ready to comfort him without a second thought.
Viola had gotten there before any of them, though. She was always the first one to show up when someone needed help. It didn’t matter who you were, how long Viola had known you, or how close you were to her. She would always be there if she could. Viola was always kind and sweet like that.
Jackson looked back at his phone. He picked it back up and typed a response.
Yeah, I’d like that. We’re not together anymore, but I don’t want to lose you. Still friends?
Blip
Of course! I don’t want to lose you either.
Jackson sat there for a moment. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. He typed back.
It hurts, but I think we’re gonna be OK.
