CHAPTER ONE
All The Lonely People
Teresa Halliday looks at herself in her full length bathroom mirror. What she sees is a much younger looking woman than her sixty-five years, tall, not much sag in her ample breasts, she cups them and lifts them to the level they once stood. Running her hands over her quite flat stomach, she trails them down to her hairless pubic area. Going Brazilian more than thirty years ago to please her husband, she has continued that theme finding it impresses a number of lovers since her marriage break down. Her short cropped hair style is dyed black, accentuating the classic lines of her face. “I may be getting older but I’m looking pretty good for an old chick,” she tells herself. Slipping into a brief pair of lacy black pants and matching front hooked bra she once again surveys herself. “May as well be prepared. If everything goes well tonight one never knows where one can end up.”
This is the first of her ventures into her new dating world through the ‘Women Looking for Men’ column in the ‘Seniority’ newspaper. The ad she placed three weeks earlier has brought a mountain of responses. According to the paper, the most ever for any ad in this section. They put this down to her honesty in mentioning the importance of physical contact. The replies come from men of ages ranging between thirty-five and eighty-five, some telling the most obviously outrageous lies about themselves. Discarding the ones requesting nude photographs, she replies to all others and eventually has it down to eight possible contenders. Tonight is the first ‘in person’ contact, a fifty-four year old retired IT consultant, Elliot Winks, divorced, father of two children. They are to meet at a bar in Balmain and he is sending a taxi to pick her up. Points to him immediately, her thoughts. The dress she chooses is black and low cut, not low cut so severely to shout ‘a bit tarty’ but low enough to pique interest. Black stiletto heels are the finishing touch. Her mantra of ‘if you’ve got it flaunt it’ hasn’t dimmed with age.
The sound of a car pulling into her driveway causes her to look out her front window. Daughters Magenta and Columbia are making their way to her door. Obviously named after two characters from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, they have never forgiven their parents for choosing those names. Very close in age, Magenta, who prefers to be called Madge, is thirty-seven, the taller of the two she is a striking brunette with long hair and a very slight build. Her sister, only one year younger, took more to her mother’s build, shorter, but where Magenta has missed out Columbia is over endowed with very large breasts and she has naturally blonde hair. “Damn, what the fuck do they want? Dressed ready to go out I feel another Spanish inquisition coming on.”
“ I’m always happy to see you two but how many times have I asked you to ring first?”
“Look at you, Jesus Mum, why don’t you just hang a sign around your neck telling every man he is welcome?”
“Welcome to what? Come on Columbia, spit it out, say what you mean.”
“You know what I mean, you aren’t going to make me say it, but you know. Act your age Mum, you are not thirty anymore.”
“No, I am sixty-five and more tuned to sex at that age than either of you have ever been. Fucking is not a private domain only available to the young. Probably would have saved your marriage if you had learned that, instead of forcing Ron to go looking elsewhere.”
“Oh, fine one you are to talk.” Magenta interjects, “ What sent Dad out looking if what you were providing at home was what he wanted?”
“Let me enlighten you two. Sex had nothing to do with our break up, ask your father. In fact we still have sex every now and then, it’s still something we enjoy together, we just cannot live together. Can either of you say the same about your ex-husbands? I very much doubt that. Anyway enough of my sex life. You didn’t come here unannounced to get lessons , what is it you want?”
“We’ve decided to pool our talents and go into business together.”
Stifling a laugh out loud, Teresa says, “Not to be too unkind, but what are these previously exceptionally well hidden talents? Neither of you have ever exhibited any that will propel you through the portals of the world of business and enable you to operate a business successfully?”
“We are serious, we have found a niche market in the dating business. We can use our experience to tap into it.”
“Jesus wept! Experience, what experience? The dating business relies on success in matching couples. You two boast a hundred percent failure rate.. You both picked losers even though your father and me warned you. Ron was only enamoured with your big tits Columbia. Those and a bit lower was where his interest lay. As for your George, Magenta, what an absolute waste of space, he couldn’t match a turnip for intelligence. So where is this expertise coming from, and what about the finance?........ Oh, oh …...how stupid am I? That’s where I come in isn’t it? The bottomless pit of finance. No way, niet, non, forget it.”
“We knew you would react that way. For once hear us out. We are not stupid. Columbia knows about IT, computers and stuff, I am good at dealing with people, they trust me. Sure we stuffed up with our own relationships, try to ignore that and have a look at what we are talking about. Every which way you turn you see ads for dating services. All are aimed at one demographic, under fifty. No-one is looking after your age group Mum. There are literally thousands of singles over fifty. Widows, widowers, divorcees, broken relationships. Who is looking out for them? What we need to complete the picture is someone with experience in that field to come on board as a partner. Someone like you.”
“My first reaction is to have you both certified, I’ve always known that dropping you on your heads as babies would come back to haunt me. Can either of you seriously consider being in business with me? We don’t get on, we constantly disagree and you are critical of my sex life. Discussing sex you find difficult. No, make that impossible, which puts you well behind the eight ball. Sex is a dominant part of putting relationships together. Probably more important to the particular demographic you are targeting. I will give you points for at least using such a big word in its right context though. Other than that, Columbia, you have difficulty in saying ‘fuck’ let alone talking about the various foreplay acts, sex toys, porn etc. How are you going to handle those discussions?”
“We are hoping you would handle that part, even teach us what we should say.”
“Really? Teach you to talk about sex? You remember our talk about sex, Columbia? I tried to tell you about all the things you will come across in life pertaining to you and the male species, ‘blow jobs’, masturbation, going down ,vibrators, orgasms. All you did was burst out crying and run out of the room. You were not any better Magenta, I worried you were still a virgin when you got married, would not surprise me if you still are. Talking to you about sex acts made as much sense as talking football to a camel. Anyway I don’t have the time to talk about this now, I can see my taxi is outside. On the dressing table next to my bed there is a bottle. See if you can find a use for it. Call me tomorrow, not early though, in case somebody gets lucky.”
Columbia comes out of Teresa’s bedroom holding a bottle.
“ What is it Col?”
“ A water based lubricant.”
“ Oh. Not even subtle these days is she?”
The sound of a car horn attracts their attention, another taxi is parked in Teresa’s driveway. Magenta goes to speak to the driver.
“ I think you might be a little late, Mum has gone in one of your cars about five minutes ago.”
“ Not possible, the job has only just come through. Are you sure it was one of ours?”
“ Didn’t take a great deal of notice. Are you sure your job is for Halliday?”
“ The name I have is Teresa at this address, going to Balmain.”
“ Right name but she has already gone. Sorry.”
