Chapter 1
As I sit here at the dinner table with my family on a casual Thursday night, I can’t stress but think of how to explain this to them. Cole and Emma are supposed to be here later this evening to help me with my assignment, my family hasn’t been a fan of me hanging out with Cole because he is an opposing gender, so the idea of him coming over for whatever reason will be difficult for them to accept.
I’m taking care of preparing the dinner table and my mom takes care of the food. My older brother and dad are screaming in the living room over a soccer match which I’m glad about because everyone seems to be in a good mood, until I ruin it when I tell them about Cole and Emma at least. I take the orange juice bottle from the fridge and pour some into a cup to dry up the thirst.
“Can you taste the soup to see if it needs more salt” My mom asks. She always worries about her food missing spices or salt which is fine because she’s not the only one I know that does this. “It tastes just perfect” I say as I drink my orange juice. We start putting the food on their proper plates and call for my brother and dad. We made fried shrimp with rice and a salad as well as tomato noodle soup, a weird combination however it is my dad’s favorite. We all take a seat and talk about different topics “When are you planning on retiring?” My mom asks as she mixes the salad with her rice. “I don’t know yet, not anytime soon I assume” My dad is almost sixty years old, we’ve been talking him into retirement for some time. I try to keep the subject away from me while texting Emma in the meantime.
“Did you tell them about me and Cole yet?”
“No, but I’m planning to, I just don’t know how to mention it”
“Just say it casually they’ll need to know eventually I don’t think Cole is going to be able to sneak from your window when he’s sick”
“I know, I’ll try my best and I’ll let you know, hope all goes well”
“Just breathe, take it easy”
Take it easy. I repeat that in my head. The problem with Emma is that she doesn’t understand the household I live in, most things she’s allowed to do I most likely cannot because of how my family thinks, if I had to describe her it would be a basic white American girl. I love her though.
I met Emma when I was nine, and she has seen me go through thick and thin with my family and life in general, and eleven years later we’ve never separated, and we have always been close. I take a bite from the shrimp and take a breath “My friends are coming over in a bit to help me with my assignment, I hope you don’t mind” I look around the table and no one seems to be bothered so far, “Who is coming?” My brother asks as he drinks his water. None of your business. I say this in my mind, but I wish I said it loudly. “Emma” my heart is beating to a level I have never experienced before, I hate it. “And?” My dad asks as he turns his attention to me instead of his plate. Shit. This is not going to end well. “Cole” I want the ground to open and swallow me whole. I want the day to be over already. I can feel the tension in the table already because everyone shifts their attention to me instead of their plates. “We talked about Cole, Sarah. He doesn’t have to come; I’m sure Emma is enough to help you” My dad says as his eyes widen up. Most of the time when the conversation is tense between me and any of them, my dad is usually the one that talks and the rest go quiet, even if it was between my brother and my dad. “He’s only going to help us with the assignment and leave, we’ll be sitting in the guests’ room so you have nothing to worry about” I say as I take a deep breath. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for them to accept it but maybe if I’m a mother one day I will understand. I just wish there was someone around the table that will help me convince them, it’s just me against three other people. “I told you that you cannot let boys into your life this easily, they will take advantage of you and ruin your life, you’re my diamond and I can’t let someone else break you” My dad says as he pours more water in his cup. I wonder if he realizes how passionate he is about not being passionate. “It’s just a project we’re working on I promise, plus, I don’t even like him the way you explained it, I understand you’re protective of me but I’m old enough to know right from wrong and he in particular is just a casual schoolmate” In particular? I could have worded that better, now they probably think there’s a boy I like. “Well, is there someone you like you’re not telling us about?” My dad asks as he stares at me. Everyone is staring me again now. “No, if there’s anyone I like I will tell you before anything or anyone, I only know Cole and like I said he’s a schoolmate.” Ugh. This is tough. Life is tough. I could have been born inside a treehouse in a jungle or in a household filled with basic white American people like Emma, but God decided this. “A no is a no. I don’t know who Cole is or anything about him, if you need help with your assignment your brother will help you” I don’t want my brother to help me, he’s impatient and he failed most of his classes without telling my parents. I walked into his room one day and saw his grades on his desk, I was surprised to say the least. “How do you expect to know him if you’re not willing to meet him? He’s not going to be here for long either” I say. Please just end this. I’ve had this conversation with them numerous times and it always ended without mutual agreement, so I expect this to be the same. “Emma is welcome anytime, but that’s all I can tell you. Your brother is also willing to help. End of conversation” I want to throw my plate across the room as hard as I can, punch the wall then run away for good. I sigh and stand up without finish my plate, but I heard my brother mumbling “Always here to help” he likes Emma, of course he’s willing to help her, which is also a reason I don’t want him around because his attention will be towards her and not the assignment. I hear him and immediately respond back “He asked to help with the assignment not Emma, but no thank you” I rush back to my room and lock the door. I immediately text Emma because she’s supposed to be on her way fifteen minutes ago.
“Apparently, you’re welcome anytime. As for Cole, I can’t say the same.”
“Why? What did they say?”
“The usual, I’m his diamond that he will not allow anyone else to break.”
“Weirdest phrase I’ve heard I swear. What are you going to do?”
“Unless you want Luke to ‘help’ with the assignment then you can come anytime, otherwise we have to figure out another way, maybe your place or Cole’s.”
“I have no interest in Luke helping, I get confused in whether he wants to help with the assignment or have a staring contest against himself over me. And you know my house will be full tonight with my brother’s friends.”
With everything that happened in the past 20 minutes I forgot her brother just got promoted in his workplace, so our only option for a meetup is Cole’s.
“Hey”
“Hi, can I come over now?”
“Not exactly, my parents said no. Emma’s house is full, can we come to yours?”
“Mine is as well, we can also go to a coffee shop for a meetup if that’s fine by you and Emma.”
As much as I like that better than my house, I also hate it. The possibilities of us running into Luke or any of his friends is very likely, I also don’t like coffee shops because of how loud they are. But it’s our only option if we want to get this assignment over and done with.
“I think that’s our only option.”
I get dressed and bring all my assignment tools with me. As I walk to the front door of the house, I hear my brother “Where are you going? Cole’s?” he says as he leans his back on the wall behind him. “None of your business, you should worry about yourself more” I say that as my dad passes by us from the hall. “Where are you going Sarah? You’re all dressed up.” My dad says as he stares at me. “Emma’s. I won’t be gone for long. Cole won’t be there either if that makes you feel better, he’s sick.” I know I lied but it’s the only way out of this misery. Also, Cole is technically sick. “Don’t be late, Love you.” My dad says as he goes back to the living room. I can see Luke’s face expression after my dad said that, filled with anger because he couldn’t see Emma, plus he probably knows I’m going to see Cole. I don’t get why they don’t like him, not even meet him even though I mentioned that I don’t like him. Is this how parenting is? Maybe.
The three of us meetup at the coffee shop and exchange notes. “You really need to sit with them and talk to them about this. You’re almost twenty-two and they’re having you in what sounds like jail because that’s how their brain works. It’s not 1960 anymore” Emma says as she scrolls through her laptop. “Trust me, I did, every conversation ends the same as the one before, I don’t know what else to add to it for them to be convinced” I say while sipping a little bit of my coffee. “Do they not like me?” Cole says. “It’s not that, they don’t like males in general around me, my dad keeps mentioning how I’m his diamond and he won’t allow anyone else to break it, which I understand but sometimes he needs to let the inner parent out of him because I’m not fifteen anymore, he doesn’t realize that, I’m sorry if you thought they don’t like you, it’s not that I promise” I hate how I even have to explain this to anyone, it shouldn’t even be the case. Imagine if I like a boy, how would that conversation go? I’d rather get married and have kids without telling them honestly. “You don’t have to apologize. I had a friend whose parents were the same, they eventually got over it” as much hope as that gives me, I still have no hope in my parents accepting a male in my life until the day I get married probably. “We should probably finish this assignment quickly because they expect me to be home early” I say that as I notice one of my brother’s friends enter from the front door. Shit. His friends are snitches, they will tell him if they see me in public, they’ve done it a couple times but never with Cole being here, so this might end up being from bad to worse. I slide my body a little more under the table so I can hide from them. “Why are you hiding?” Emma says as she looks around the coffee shop. “Oh” she notices who came in and try to hide the rest of my head with her laptop. “I should go, if we stay longer they will see me, and I can’t stay in this uncomfortable position while solving my assignment” Emma starts packing my stuff and we get up slowly and head towards the door. As we head outside, Luke taps my shoulder from behind. “I thought you were going to Emma’s” he says. Oh my god. As if my day couldn’t get any worse. Luke notices Cole and stares him down. “Please don’t start with his, we were solving the assignment and now we’re headed home. I’ll see you later” I say as we walk in the opposite direction. I can hear Luke yelling “Prepare for the conversation tomorrow” sigh. I don’t really want to go home but It’s probably going to be worse if I sleep somewhere else as they will think I’m at Cole’s. I head home anyways and rush to my room without noticing either of my parents. I lay in my bed and turn of the lights. Sometimes when I sit in the dark, I think better, I like to sit in my own thoughts. My room is the only place where I can be who I am, think of what I want, say what I need to say because no one else will hear me or object. I have a notepad on my dresser to write down my thoughts, I scroll through it and everything written there is about how controlling my parents are. I decide for once to write how grateful I am for myself on surviving this far.
Dear Sarah,
I hope you know how proud of you I am to stay alive this far despite having to see your enemies every day. Sometimes life hits you like a football, but you bounce back and stay stiff and strong. I want you to know that whatever happens tomorrow or a year from now, you will overcome it and face your fears. You need to stay strong to yourself, for yourself. If no one is here for you, you are here for you. You must move on, for better for worse, you heart is made of stone.
With Love,
Sarah.
I close the notepad and slide under the blanket. Tomorrow is either going to be hell or hell. I try my best to sleep however my mind is on tomorrow and how I will explain this to my parents. There’s no way. No way. Why can’t I have it? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with my parents? Can’t they just accept society the way it is? Candles need to be loved and supported to survive, same as humans. We depend on our parents to support us to keep us alive and shining. But if we’re not getting the support, we end up incapable of anything meaningful. My tears are coming down my eyes because I realize how everyone around me are living perfectly fine with most things I can’t have. Right now, I don’t feel like a Diamond, I feel like a plate that was thrown across the room, shattered and broken, in pieces, everywhere.
