What is your opinion?
Clean story
"I am so happy to read this story and glad is a clean romance. I do not see the bookYOU’RE IN MY LIFE. Looking forward to it. Thank you for sharing."
Impossible to Forget About You
"Great story felt it was written from the heart. Sometimes life takes twists and turns that are unexpected but true love will always shine through "
Impossible to forget about you
"It's a wonderful story one of the most interesting I have read always keeps me on my toes and surprises me, but the grammer is very hard to read and I have trouble comprehending the content. The spelling could use some work too but, in total super fun. Thank you!"
Need Development
"Okay, before I begin, let me start by saying that writing a book in an of itself is insanely difficult, so kudos to you for getting this much on paper (or I guess screen? I'm not sure) and publishing it. Everything I'm going to say is meant to help, so bear with me. Firstly, my main thing is the technical aspects. The dialogue methodology is strange to me, which I commented on one of the chapters. It is incredibly difficult to keep track of who is speaking with that method. You also have chapters where there is like pages and pages of just dialogue and no text or tags to break it up. Are they just standing there still with flat-affect delivering this speech? Are they not moving or reacting the whole time? Those are things you can include in dialogue tags. Such as: I gasp, taken aback by what I just heard. "How could you say that?" I reply, my voice breaking by the last word, a tear threatening to spill from my eye. See how that is much more effective than just - How could you say that. I think fixing that alone would do a lot to enhance this story and you could really layer in a lot more emotion and movement because right now all the dialogue feels static and hard to follow. Secondly, there is a lot of telling instead of showing. What guy is just going to admit to this girl's friends that he is in love with her? Show us that he is still in love: Maybe his eyes are trailing after her and her friends notice and catch on. There are a lot of good resources out there to help with this since it's a common problem in writing. Lastly, the plot is a little hard for me. If she's graduating college, she's 22, and if all this went down eight years ago that means she was 14.... Meaning it was a middle school romance. I find it extremely hard to believe that an adult would still be mad about something that happened in middle school as children. Yes, you may still be upset about it and have scars since it does suck, but it's honestly a little immature for her to keep holding this against him when he was also literally 14! My suggestion to make this more believable: Bump up the age and decrease the time between when this happened. For example, maybe he starts working at her same job when they are 26 and this all went down in college 5 years ago? That would make a lot more sense why she would still hate him. Also, I think the plot needs a bit more spicing up: There needs to be a secondary storyline going on besides just them getting back together and having a few roadblocks along the way. I've read a thousand stories like that - so what sets yours apart? I think that's something you'll need to search for because there is a good plot here and there is a lot you can do with it, but it needs something else to really make it unique. I do really like the characters though, her friends are very funny and I think the plot (if developed a bit more) could be very compelling. Keep it up!"
Good plot
"Loved the plot "
