The Greatest Good

As a principle, Julian didn’t hold the elevator for anyone. As the current Surgeon General of John F. Kennedy Memorial Hospital, Julian naturally felt that his time was more important than anybody else’s. To be fair, he could transplant any organ with a near-perfect success rate. With a swift scratch of his scalpel, Julian put people back together like Legos. So, Julian smiled through the closing elevator doors at a hustling nurse who would just have to wait. As the elevator rose, he turned his mind to the dreary day ahead. Despite Julian’s prowess in the operating room, he was losing patients daily due to a shortage of incoming organs. Julian was frustrated with the general population and their inability to die in an optimal way, rendering their organs useless to him.

Julian did his rounds, personally delivering the daily dose of bad news to all the unlucky souls strapped to a dialysis or lung machine. He would tell them that today wasn’t the day, and tomorrow might not be the day either. Julian tried to leave out the inescapable truth that for many, the day would never come. This truth berated Julian louder and louder as his shift went on.

The night was coming to an end, and Julian and his colleague August were unwinding after a six-hour heart transplant. The break room was bland, with white walls, white tables, you know, the modern style. The only color in the room came from the liquor bottles on the white counter. They were both standing by the wall-to-ceiling windows, staring out at the fog as it engulfed the city and its citizens below.

“You know, we haven’t had a good heart come in for over three weeks,” said August to Julian bleakly. Julian already knew this and just swirled his water, letting out a faint sigh.

“It’s just a shame.” August continued, “We’ve been short on everything compared to last year, 40% fewer lungs, 60% fewer kidneys. But hey, at least our operation success rate is rising.” Julian still didn’t respond, he just bit his tongue and stared deep out at the citizens below. August rose from his seat, grabbed a glass, and poured himself a generous amount of vodka. He gestured the bottle towards Julian, but Julian just shook his head. Julian didn’t like to turn his mind off, he believed it could always be working to make the world a better place. Even a couple of hours of intoxication might take some good out of the world. August took his first sip and shrugged, “At least I’m done for the night.”

August went out to a bar, but Julian stayed in the break room watching the fog continued to roll over the city. Julian was perched in a building full of problems, gazing out onto a city with millions of people filled with solutions. Julian turned around to collect his things and head home in defeat. But, as soon as he turned his back on the city he spun right back to it, and something inside of him awakened. Julian just had what he believed to be the greatest idea he’s ever had. He stared out at the fog for a second, letting his idea fully form, watching it play out in his head. There was no time to waste, Julian smiled and ran over to his notebook. He did some calculations via long division, using his own made-up equations. From there he stared earnestly at his idea, how amazing it could be. There was no time to waste, Julian would start making a difference tonight.

Julian burst out of the hospital into the fog and slid into his Uber LUX. Julian preferred not to drive, he liked to observe the people of the city. The uber slid through the depths of the city and Julian evaluated what was around him. Diners with pregnant waitresses, taxi drivers smoking cigarettes outside their vehicles, and policemen with their holsters. So many solutions, but each came with its own barrier.

These people were under Julian, in his mind everybody is. Some people such as August earned his respect, but he certainly wasn’t as good of a person as Julian. Julian viewed himself as Jesus and Julius, perfectly moral and an excellent leader. It’s fair to understand why too. He had a square jaw, a blonde mane atop his head, well-groomed stubble, beautiful green eyes, and muscles just begging to be freed from the chains of clothing. Julian’s hope began to dwindle with each useless person passed by, and he thought back to his prior equations. He pondered donating one of his kidneys, this would be a net positive for the world. This thought was considered for a moment but was quickly shaken away. There was no possible better use for both of his kidneys, nestled tightly into his Harvard-educated body, spending half of their time level with an operating table as the rest of his body saved lives every day. If he lost his remaining kidney after donating one, it would become an insurmountable net negative on the world.

Nearing the end of his journey, the uber approached a group of prostitutes and lost souls. Their broken but not useless bodies drifted through the night, fading in and out from below the streetlights. Julian felt a shock run through his body; he had found his solution.

“Pull over, pull over! Now!” Julian commanded the cab driver, his mane flowing uncontrollably.

“Sir, this is an Uber. I cannot pick up a prostitute” the uber driver sighed.

“Would you pull over for $300?” Julian sifted through his wallet and slapped three Benjamin Franklins on the driver’s shoulder. The driver obeyed.

Julian evaluated them closely like a frugal dad at a used car dealership, ready to check under the hood of each potential buy. His head oscillated at the group of prostitutes and his nose picked up cheap perfume and even cheaper makeup. His mouth crawled as he saw their prematurely aging skin and yellow teeth. Finally, Julian locked his green sight machines on his target.

“You, blue and yellow dress. How much?” Julian yelled out the back of the Uber.

She waltzed over, with excellent posture. Julian smirked at his accurate evaluation. “My name’s Cleo, and it’s $200 an hour.”

Julian evaluated her a bit more from a close range. He nodded in approval and looked back at her. “Okay, just a few more questions. Do you have any diseases? STDs? Family illnesses?”

Cleo looked back with rightful confusion plastered across her face. “No. All clean.”

Julian nodded and motioned her to the other side of the backseat. She slid into the middle seat and immediately began to work, pulling on Julian’s mane. Julian stared right ahead. The uber beelined to the better part of the city as Cleo continued to press herself into tonight’s customer. A car this nice meant whoever ordered it should be able to do whatever the hell they wanted in the backseat if they wanted. Cleo let her hand wander some more until Julian grabbed it with a grip tight enough to make her recoil and leave the rest of the ride contactless.

The car arrived in front of a downtown apartment building suitable for the General Surgeon. The rising glass stretched through the clouds and the ornate entrance suggested that you couldn’t stumble into this building without some sort of success. Cleo was impressed, but Julian never cared much for it, it did the job.

“How are you, Harold?” Julian said rhetorically as he passed the night doorman who gave the obligatory cheerful response. Harold didn’t inquire about the girl because that was his job, but he couldn’t help noticing the odd exception in Julian’s routine. Never had he seen Julian entertain anyone, much less a woman, and knee-high boots were a surprising attire choice for a date of Julian’s. But Harold got paid to be cheerful and for minding his own business.

Julian gave Harold one last smile before entering the elevator, but he couldn’t help but wonder about Harold’s organ donor status. The doorman was in good shape after all. The pair rose forty-four floors above the city until they reached Julian’s apartment. He let her in, and she gazed at the serene beauty of his apartment. It was all white. The rug, the table, the chairs, and the plants were white, even the sink was porcelain.

Cleo was now desperate to impress Julian, it was more than just a simple job, she could feel like a queen tonight. “So, where do you want to do it?” Cleo asked as she waltzed around the spacious apartment.

“Do you mind if we have a drink first, I’ve had a long day? The glasses are above the sink, can you get two?” Julian politely requested. Cleo did as she was told and blew the dust off the glasses. Julian then retrieved a thick, black granite bottle. He had bought it a few years ago at an auction, it resurfaced during Napoleon’s conquering of Rome and was almost two thousand years old.

“What’s in there, fancy wine?” Cleo inched closer to Julian. Julian looked at the floor and took a deep breath.

“Yes, just wine. I’m sorry I should have been more specific. Can you get the other glasses? They should be on the shelf above where you found those” Julian said in a soft, apologetic tone.

“Sure” Cleo touched his chin and turned around to fetch the other glasses. As soon as she did, Julian swung the granite bottle up above his holy head and drove it into the back of hers. Cleo hit the floor like a sack of organs and began bleeding profusely. Julian ran to get a towel so the blood wouldn’t reach his white rug. By the time he got back, she was dead. From here, the real work began. Julian retrieved his glasses and scalpel from his work bag and began to take Cleo apart, top to bottom. First came the trachea, then the lungs, then the heart, then her pancreas, and finally her kidneys.

He carefully doused the organs with preservation solution he swiped from the hospital and watched blankly as Cleo’s blood ran swiftly down the drain. Julian then packaged them in freezer-safe plastic bags and tossed them into the freezer. He looked down at Cleo’s body, his big brain hadn’t quite thought this far. For a moment the wheels of goodness seemed to approach their limits as he tried to find a solution. Then, he remembered he had a balcony with a firepit. May as well. Cleo was taken apart into more burnable pieces and dropped in the fire. Julian pat himself on the back as Cleo vanished from the world.

The next day, Julian woke up to the birds chirping. Of course, this was just his alarm. There are very few birds forty floors up and they certainly don’t chirp. He went through his morning routine of black coffee and dry toast, got dressed, and went to collect his assets from the freezer. Julian softly placed them into a cooler, sprinkled them with ice, and went to work.

The sun was only starting to rise, and this was by design. It would be suspicious if Julian came with so many organs in one container. But then again, who was going to question the most famous Surgeon General in the country? Julian snuck into the cold storage room and dropped them off while most of his coworkers were still sleeping.

Julian then slid out of the room like a kid coming downstairs on Christmas. He almost pranced to his locker with a smile as he imagined the joy of his patients. Julian got changed and started his rounds with much more enthusiasm than the day before. Julian peeked into the first patient’s room and crept in, careful to not wake up his patient yet. Julian wanted his face to be the first thing Mr. Ramirez saw today.

“Mr. Ramirez, it’s me. Doctor Julian” whispered Julian as he touched Mr. Ramirez’s arm with his gentle fingers.

“Oh, hello” grunted Mr. Ramirez as he rolled over.

“I have a great surprise for you. We received an extra lung late last night. Your operation is at 2pm if you are still ready.” Julian’s soul filled with warmth, and he affirmed his moral excellence as the words jumped out of his mouth with joy.

“Yes! Yes please!” Mr. Ramirez’s eyes filled with life for the first time in weeks.

Julian smiled and left the room. The rest of the rounds were equally joyous, and Julian received a dopamine hit with each smile. At the end of the day, all of the organs had been put towards successful surgeries to save multiple lives.

As Julian sat in the break room at the end of the night, he watched over the foggy city alone, thinking of all the successful life arbitrage he had just successfully completed. Surely, the world was a better place. Julian swirled a glass of water and let his eyes look out further. He had done good, but there was much more to do. Out in the search of increasing his morality score, Julian went again into the night.

Julian was successful in his hunt once again, saving more lives the next day. The same occurred the next day. A week went by, and Julian was walking on an arbitrage-induced cloud of happiness. Julian even became so confident in his abilities that he began to take down two at once. He was already twice as moral! Julian did some calculations and wondered if anybody in history had a life as valuable as his. It was really just simple math.

The following Sunday, Julian found himself exhausted from a lack of sleep and decided it would be useful to take a day off. He imagined himself making a mistake on the hunt from fatigue and the loss of future lives that would come from his absence. Julian let himself sleep in and felt well-rested when he rose. He noticed that his fridge was devoid of anything other than eggs and decided to take a trip down to the grocery store. He greeted Harold on the way out and made his way onto the city streets. Julian strolled through the residential area, smiling at children and parents enjoying their Saturdays. Julian thought of all the family time he had given to his patients in the last week. He was overjoyed as he walked into the grocery store.

Steak was Julian’s preference for the night, and he walked over to the butcher’s station. He rubbed his stubble as his eyes glazed across the different cuts in the station, filet, T-bone, and ribeye. He decided on a filet and walked up to the butcher, but before he could he was stopped.

“Excuse me, sorry to bother you, can you help me pick out a cut?” A young woman no more than thirty tapped Julian's shoulder. “I’m supposed to know which one to buy, my mom used to handle groceries for my family before she passed.”

Julian turned around and looked at the young woman’s worn-out face, noticing her oily blonde hair and acne-ridden skin. He shivered at her white gums, and her yellow teeth, he even thought he noticed some jaundice in her eyes. She would not do, too many potential health risks.

“Is there something wrong with you? I just need some help.” The younger woman nipped at him while he stared through her, frozen in thought. She scoffed and walked up to somebody else, Julian’s eyes followed her. Julian's eyes drifted around the grocery store, evaluating each and every customer. Wondering about their status, judging their health, questioning what organs would be healthy by guessing their age. Julian could not stop, his brow began to sweat, and his hands tingled. Julian tried to walk away but his feet became heavier with each step. He stumbled around the grocery store like a zombie, desperately searching for the exit. His vision was too blurred to read the signs, he was struggling to breathe. He tried to turn a corner and fell into a shelf of tomato sauce, spilling it all over himself and the floor. An old man came to help Julian up, but he just slapped his hand and scurried out of the store half-dead.

Julian dashed into his apartment and immediately chugged a glass of water. His heart rate slowed down and he began to let his thoughts run freely. He asked himself what happened, why he couldn’t stop evaluating the people, and why he couldn’t have a simple interaction. Julian wondered if being plagued with guilt but also the desire to arbitrage more lives was worth it. His notebook was set out on the table, and he opened it to check his tally. Julian ran through his equations and calculated his score. He had arbitraged 39 lives already. He smiled and quickly felt normal again, deciding to treat himself to a nice delivery meal tonight, he deserved it.

Julian woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, although he didn’t have any organs to distribute. Yet, he walked into the hospital with a smile on his face. Although he couldn’t tell his patients he had an organ for them, he could assure them it would be coming soon. And this is exactly what he did, he let each patient know that it would all be over soon. This didn’t give the same dopamine high as usual, but he decided it was a fair price to pay for rest. Julian finished his rounds and went to his office to take a quick breather before surgery. He opened up his phone and went to the front page of the news. “Remains of missing 15-year-old girl are yet to be found as police continue to search”. Julian’s holy green eyes began to twitch, his knuckles whitened as he gripped the phone. He unknowingly held his breath. Julian was staring into a face he had seen before. “Cleo” he whispered under his breath. Julian could not look away, her face burning into his eyes. He immediately grabbed his notebook to check his tally. Taken: 8, Saved: 39. He let out his breath. His hands ran across the notebook as he tried to convince himself that it made sense, but they would not stop shaking. He rationalized that he was a net positive, that what he did truly made the world a better place. But whenever he made an ounce of progress, Cleo’s eyes flashed behind his. Julian shook as he grabbed a glass of water and dumped it. He filled the glass with vodka all the way to the top. He had one glass, then two, then three, taking them all down in seconds. Finally, he picked up his scalpel with his ever-holy hands.

Elsewhere, August was waiting for Julian to join him in the operating room. He was never late, and almost a half hour had passed. Finally, he decided he would go get him, maybe he fell asleep. August checked his watch as the elevator rose, trying to avoid small talk with one of the nurses, she never stopped talking about her kids. He let out a sigh of relief as he got out of the elevator silently and strolled down the hallway to Julian’s door. He greeted a much more friendly, and attractive nurse before reaching Julian’s door. August knocked, and when he got no response, he turned the doorknob.

The lights were off, but the light from the windows shone down upon a lifeless Julian, a scalpel sticking out of his throat. Blood covered the awards Julian had on his desk; his white rug was tarnished. August rushed closer to Julian but quickly saw there was nothing left behind his beautiful eyes. He reached out to check his pulse, but as he expected, Julian had no more life to give. August noticed Julian’s phone was still on, open to some article. Next to the phone, he saw a note. It was doused in blood and barely legible. August held it up under the light behind Julian. It read:

I did it for the greater good.