Chapter 1
Hello! My name is Avalina Wilson, but you can call me Ava. I have had some hard times over the years, yet I still manage to put a smile on my face. How is that? well you’re about to find out.
In 2013 my mom was pregnant with a baby boy named Jonathan. One day she was walking back to her apartment and fell off a 15 foot retaining wall onto concrete and broke her back, left leg, and shattered her right heel into 13 pieces. She called 911 and went to the hospital. She called me after they had given her pain medicine and let me know she had fallen. I asked how the baby was and she told me that he was fine and he was dancing on the monitor I later found out he was not ok. He was writhing in pain. When they did the first surgery they found that the baby had died. They threw him away in medical waste as if he were nothing. My mom got an infection in her back from the surgery and almost died. My brother would be 3 years old right now if he would have survived. But he tried his best. My mom still has seizures to this day and still has the infection, it’s just dormant. That’s one of the hardest things i’ve ever gone through.
The summer of 2016, I was put in lutherans children’s hospital for depression and suicidal thoughts with actions. I felt empty, broken, useless, I felt like nothing. That feeling never went away it just lessened. They say i’m chronically depressed but I don’t believe that. I’m just a good kid in a bad situation. My mom is not exactly in my life, and my dad...well he’s a whole different thing . I’ve never really been happy but i’m not always sad. Thats one thing that really agitates me: everyone seems to think if you do anything that is even remotely human like smiling, laughing, you aren’t depressed. Onto another subject, this is how my day usually is.
I wake up way early and lay on the roof, the sunrise is always amazing to watch. Then I cut. Next I go to school, after that, I get made fun of. Then I cut. Finally, I go home and cut some more. I don't cut that much when I do, but does it really make a difference? That's what I thought.
