What is your opinion?
Lady In the Lake
"Hooked already. 💜 👏 Thx author 😌"
The Lady in the Lake
"Hi, I realize that the story is work in progress, however there's a few things that bothers me. First I have to say the story is interresting but it lacks detail. Tell the reader for instance what your charactors are wearing, what their hairstyle is. Tell them about the environment they find themselves in, in more detail. Tell them where the carractors find themselves. (Nothern Arizona, California or wherever. One can't leave everything up to the reader's imagination. That will also lengthen your story. It's too short because you get to the punch line too quicly. Some of your sentences I find a bit clumsy. Spend more time and make every sentence interresting to read. Every sentence must be built in such a way that your reader wants to carry on. Do not mix past and present. (was v is) Some small words are missing but I suppose it will be corrected during editing stage. Keep on writing you do have it, just concentrate."
