Ward

Life has always been unexpectedly dry. Growing up I believed objects were made out of fairy dust and clouds were collections of cotton candy swimming in a pool of blue Kool-Aid. Life seemed extraordinary. As I got older, It seemed as if my expectations failed me one after another. I realized clouds aren't made of cotton candy, fairies don't exist, the sky is only blue due to light rays bouncing off our retinas, and most importantly; not everyone has a heart of gold.

Although, learning those lessons on my own weren't necessarily a struggle; they weren't exactly a piece of cake either.

You see, I'm not broken, or damaged, or even defected. I was raised in your average American household. I had an older brother who would do anything for me, and two loving parents who've never had any complications in their marriage. I went to school everyday, I had some friends, I got mediocre grades, nothing seemed off about me.

I guess you could say, I was ordinary.

Nobody special would look my way or notice if I was missing from school one day. I was just a background character, and I liked it like that.

I can't recall being depressed, sure, I cried over a guy a few times but it was never serious. Sometimes I wouldn't leave my bed for two days but I was either on my period or sick. I've never talked to a shrink or got prescribed any medications regarding depression.

Life was simple, boring, dull. Nothing exciting ever happened besides weekends at the mall with my close friends.

I wanted a change. A new perspective. Not for a moment did I think it would be anything like this.

I flutter my eyes, drifting in and out of consciousness. Everything seems blurry, bright, bewildering. A hospital-like smell comes and goes, lingering in the atmosphere.

Where am I? What happened? Am I going to die?

A million thoughts flashed through my mind, until, there wasn't any left. It was silent. I couldn't even process an idea in the own chambers of my mind. It was peaceful. Nothing in the world mattered anymore.

Im free.

"Her heart's slowing, she's in Bradycardia! Press 0.5 cc of Atropine stat!" Dr. Stark demanded.

"There's no way I'm going to let you do that," exclaimed Dr. Anderson. "We still have no idea what she took!"

"So you're just going to let this young girl die while her family cries in the waiting room?" Dr. stark asked.

"No use bickering about it. She's still crashing. Paddles, now!" Pressed Dr. Anderson.

"Charging! Clear!"

What is this feeling -

"Charging! Clear!"

I feel like I'm -

"Charging! Clear!"

Alive.

"We got a pulse! stop the charge!"

But why do I still feel like -

"This is all your fault! If we gave her the Atropine she would've stabilized," Dr. Stark growled.

"It would've been unethical. We both know this. Without knowing what drug the patient took we have no idea how Atropine would react. It could have killed her-"

"It could have saved her," interrupted Dr. Stark.

I should have died today.