Chapter 1
My mind can never shake how much you loved this water. This salty sea of many blues was your sanctuary. You especially loved Heart Rock. This giant miracle that sat one mile out into the sea modelled what many people chase after, a heart. It reaches all the way to the sandy bottom of the water, or who knows it may float because it could be infused with magic.
I wish I could have swam to Heart Rock with you, watching you propel yourself through the water as you inhaled bliss. I feel a pit in my stomach when I think about your absence and for a while it inspired me to die. This obsession with death consumed me after your demise. Now I’ve been able to tame it but it will never leave. Sometimes I breathe this obsession as I sleep and it’s vine grows around my brain.
I miss you the most on this island, but it won’t let me leave, especially as Heart Rock calls to me. Sitting on this beach as the Sun threatens to set me ablaze, I watch the water asking any one who cares to listen why you were taken so soon.
A seagull flies down from the sky and lands, it’s orange feet digging into the sand. It might have been false hope but I turned to the bird.
“Elia?” I ask thinking it could have been you. I don’t know why in the afterlife you would ask for wings, you most certainly would have asked for gills and fins so you could dive into the depths. This bird could not be you. This thing looked at me probably asking, what does he have that vase for?
The awkward winged creature laughed at me with it’s horrendous squawk, so I picked up a pebble and chucked it at the thing. It flew off, still laughing, ready to tell it’s friends the tale about a despondent human, who could swim as good as a twig, getting ready to swim to Heart Rock. Even the best swimmers were considered crazy swimming out there, but you would swim out there every Saturday.
I can still smell the aroma of your breakfast, the same one you ate every morning. Oatmeal boiled in milk, a tablespoon of peanut butter, a teaspoon of honey, and maple syrup measured by the heart. You’d spoon this into your mouth quickly, and I would sit there sipping coffee watching you, taking in all the essence of your beauty.
“I’m off for my swim,” you’d say as you bounded through the door. My eyes would follow you as you ran down to the shore and became one with the water. Sometimes I’d get my binoculars and watch you swim all the way to Heart Rock.
You didn’t know this but I would see you dance upon that rock as you celebrated this triumph. This was the moment you could drink up the elation of your passion. I was content just watching you and drinking coffee that had gone cold.
Heart Rock was your top of the world. You were mine, and with you gone, it seems there is nothing for me to climb.
Once I knocked myself out of my dream of still being able to watch you, I went to the water's edge and let it wash over my toes, holding the vase tight. Shuffling my feet through muddy sand, I made my way into the water. Its hands were all over me. I thought I would sink to the bottom and be consumed, but Heart Rock still called me.
I began my swim once my feet left the ground. My sugar-glazed grief was telling me that I would rather die than turn back. I would surrender to the ocean before I returned to land. That is how much I miss you.
My arms and legs cramped as I struggled through the water, but what hurt the most was my heart as it struggled about in my chest. It didn’t help that the vase obstructed me, but I couldn’t let you go. We would make this swim together.
After about twenty minutes I decided to float, letting the water take control. When I dared to lift my head, I saw that a flash riptide had caught us and brought us closer to Heart Rock. The ocean water guided me, and after over an hour of struggle, I climbed onto Heart Rock.
I held the vase tightly, and for a moment it felt like I was in your embrace. Opening the vase, you made your way to the ocean where you belong.
“Elia?” I asked once more. That’s when you came, you breached the water and blew water into the air, showing yourself to me. Look at you out there, swimming. “So you chose a whale?” Down you went, but you returned once more, leaping out of the water, putting on a lovely show. The misplaced water shot into the air and showered me. You departed and went back into the depths. I leaned down and waved my hand in the water. “See you out there, Elia. Know that you are still in my heart.”
And from there, I bathed in your soul on Heart Rock.
