Overall, Pretty Good!
While it definitely wasn't any professional story, it was amazing for a first! There were a couple of things I would have changed in the aspect of grammar and punctuation, but most of that stuff was pretty great. The plot was very entertaining and kept me reading, even if I managed to find a couple of plot holes; there weren't many, only one or two minor ones! As for the writing style, while it could use some work, it was very good for a new author. I recommend that you just keep on writing and read a lot to find how you like to write!
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Overall, it was an amazing story!
*Edit: I didn't even realize that this was my own flipping book! I don't really pay attention to the author's username, and I'm really new to this site, and I wrote this specific one-shot a while back. My god this makes me feel so much more confident in my writing, to see that this is what I would have thought about my own stories; especially the first ones!
I am aware of how ludicrous that sounds, so please don't comment on it. I'm legit just an absolute idiot and don't even recognize my own work sometimes.
I'm honestly confused as to why you're allowed to review your own book! It seems very weird to me.