I have just recently started reading your work and it has come along way. The first story I read was a fandom about Narnia and it had quite a few hiccups, but seeing your most recent story compared to the first one you wrote.... wow! Your writing has improved quite a lot. The story was extremely detailed and you could feel the main character, Brianna's, emotions.
Read the story now
The reason I'm commenting mostly on the detail and emotion is because I find that these two concepts are what help the reader understand the story itself the same way the author felt as he or she wrote the story. The detail and the emotion are what draw you in. They make you want to see what happens next (I'm not saying that the other concepts are unimportant, I'm just hitting on these two at the moment)
Another reason why I'm discussing these two concepts is because the first story you wrote was lacking these concepts. I'm not saying that they weren't there, it's just that they didn't flow right and it sometimes didn't make sense.
Overall, this story is a major improvement on your part. Keep up the good work! And PLEASE write the sequel soon!!