Bobbi Allen
@BobbieAllen
Hello: Most of us would luv our stories read by others, and perhaps one day become a production. To get there we writers require readers willing to point out how our stories could be better.
A Rogue's 1st tale
An amusing story, with hand-drawn illustrations, introducing one to a teenage adventurer and his communities. The dialog requiring editing still gives an idea to the characters in the story. The punctuation especially when communicating with Kyrston has too many commas. I know its to accent the fact both are speaking an unfamiliar language it could use a - or two or shorten/altered. Though a typical quest the situations Carr are thrust in are kept entertaining, from those met and basic history, the trek and poor companion horse to enacting his skills. The fights detailed within were written well enough one can almost envision it blow-by-blow. The artwork requires it own mention, maps that were picked up in Carr's prior ventures. Like the one of Monsteil that looks old an tattered The drawings done in a 1st person perspective are truly original solidifying the look to Carr\s world. Three of the drawings really captured the moment. A decent adventure that just requires an edit or two, more
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