CETurner

Great Start

This is a very good start to your story. You have managed to grab me quite quickly and leave me wondering what is about to happen next and in the future? It has the makings of a very good novel. I urge you to keep writing it and look forward to what comes next.

I found one mistake in chapter 6 where you meant to say quit and instead typed quite, I knew what you meant but it will be even better fixed. There are also some mistakes in your bio and blurb, they made me think twice about reading your work and could have that effect on others. So better to go have a quick look over it and make it as pretty as possible. I thought looking at blurb there would be more mistakes in the novel but I only found one. Please go redo your blurb the mistakes are misleading and it would make good GREAT!!!!!

Thought provoking

This is a rich outpouring of ones truth. Made me think about the situation you find yourself in. Right from the heart. Keep writing :-)

Good Read!

I thought this was interesting and entertaining. You are setting up a very good storyline and already I am wondering where it will go? Your characters a fresh and vivid and the interplay between them is very well done. I found the well edited parts the easiest to read, and encourage your to continue to fine tune it. Keep at it, your heading in the right direction. :-) CETurner

Great short story

This is a very well written story. It gets you in quickly and keeps a good pace throughout. Your main characters are strong, real and likable. It was also an ending I didn't see coming. Well done and keep writing.

Great Saga

This is a great story, it has loveable and real characters. It also moved at a good pace. My biggest problem was the mistakes that are sprinkled through your novel. They slowed it down as I needed to try to work out what you meant. This is an enjoyable read but would be better once it is polished up a bit. I urge you onwards with your writing.

Gripping short story.

This is a gripping short story that will enthral anyone. I urge this writer onto bigger things as there is a style shown in this writing that when developed will be amazing. I look forward to more from this author.

Good Beginning

I think this is a really good beginning to your story. There are some great twists and turns in the first ten chapters. I think your characters are well presented, likable and real. I urge you to continue on with this novel it has the makings of a very good book.
There were a few spelling and grammatical mistakes that would be easy fixed with another read through.

Good Beginning

This is a really good beginning to your story. I like your characters and want to know more about them... I am curious as to exactly how old they are? Also where did the money come to make such a purchase? Maybe the next chapter holds the answers? I urge this writer to continue on and finish this novel I am sure it will make a very interesting read.
There were a few spelling mistakes and a couple of missing words, nothing another read through wont fix. Wishing you all the best in your writing future.

Really Good Beginning

This is a really good beginning to your novel. I am quite caught up in the story and had there been more I would have read on. I really like your main character and she seems to be unfolding nicely. I am also intrigued by the Dragon King who I met properly in chapter 2. I think this will be a wonderful novel and look forward to more of this story. I urge this writer to not only finish this novel, but I look forward to more stories from this author.

In chapter 1 there is a line that is left unfinished. There were also a few missing words in both chapters. These can be easily fixed by another read through or two. Reading your work out loud helps in finding the pesky little buggers.

I wish you all the best with your current novel and those that come after :-)

Great mix of technology and fantasy

I found this story to be quite intriguing with its mix of technology and fantasy. I feel it has great potential but needs another read through to fix some errors. Your characters are likeable and believable. I think you have a good beginning and urge you to keep writing.

wow great beginning

I want more now!!!! I really enjoyed your beginning and I loved the concept of your novel. Your main character is strong and likeable. Keep going I look forward to more....

Good Story

This is a good story, I found your imagination delightful and in depth. Your characters were strong but I struggled mixing up Darius and Darian at times as their names are so close. I think you have a good story here but it needs a lot of editing. The many mistakes made it hard to read in places and left me guessing as to what you were saying? It made your story difficult to follow. I know when I first put up my work called Demon Dusted it didn't even have paragraphs along with many errors. I found some readers would not read it. So I am giving you a heads up that it needs your attention to be all it can be! I find reading my work out loud helps find the mistakes. Also asking a friend or family member to look it over for you. Fresh eyes often help see the mistakes we ourselves don't see. Editing is as big as creating the story in the first place every author needs to learn this, I myself still struggle but am learning by doing editing runs over and over again. I wish you all the best with this story, that I think will shine once the mistakes are taken care of.

Wow

For a short story this one really grabbed me and got me thinking. I wanted to know where Ai will go from here, and if there is a bigger story to come. I really enjoyed myself, the author has a poetic touch to her writing. Her descriptions of emotions and scenes came to life in my head. This little gem of a story has twists and turns I never saw coming. I urge this author to write, write, write!!! I look forward to more stories from them in the future.

Creepy Dark Intriguing

This book is dark witty and full of humour. I enjoyed reading it and felt empathy for this dark being that had powers beyond his control. I also liked your other supporting characters as well. It got me in quite quickly and kept me turning the pages. I recommend this to any who want a fresh walk on the darker side of things. Very well done!

Very Good Read!

First I love the title and it fits so well with the story. I was pulled in quite quickly and held till the end. I loved the twists and turns and the realness and likability of your characters. A definitely fresh take on romance. I urge any who love a good mix of romance. adventure, with a dash of fear splashed in there too, to give this book a go. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and recommend it to all.

Interesting 1st chapter

I thought this was well written and interesting but it didn't grab me in the first chapter. It sets up a good basis for the rest of the story but I felt I could have been told more than just the main characters inner feelings. I found no mistakes and it is easy to read. I wish you all the best with your writing.

Excellent Beginning

This is an excellent start to your novel. I am already hooked and want to know more. If there was more written I would have read on happily. I think you have done well in setting up your story. I liked your characters and the detail of your fight scenes. Though it is only the beginning I recommend this to all that love a good fantasy novel. I look forward to more for you, and finding out where this story goes. Good luck with your writing I see a bright future for you.

Great Beginning

This is definitely a very good beginning. It pulled me in quickly and held my attention. Lots of early action sets up for a great story to be told. I look forward to seeing where your characters go and how their journey unfolds. Great work keep it up! :-)

Heart Felt Poetry

You are brave to reveal such depths of the heart and I commend you for it. It took me back to earlier years and my own unrequited love. Keep coming from the heart. I wish you all the best for your poetic future.

Good Read

This is a good read dealing with sensitive subjects. The author does a great job in showing that love is love is love! There were a few little errors nothing that another editing run would not fix. Reading your work out loud helps you find those pesky errors. All is all a wonderful job. I urge you to keep writing and refining your talent.

Interesting Beginning

This is an interesting start. I like the premise of a world in darkness with hidden smiles. I enjoyed your main characters and thought they were well written. Keep writing and remember to edit your work also. Good luck!

Good Beginning

This is a good start to your story. I enjoyed a trip down memory lane as you took me back to school. Your characters are bright and feel real. As i am unsure where it is going i can't comment on the plot. You have given yourself a good diving board to continue from and build your story around. You are missing a few words here and there and sometimes have used the wrong word where something else would make your story clearer and more readable. Every writer has to edit edit edit, reading your work aloud will help you find those pesky mistakes. I have a good friend who reads over mine for me and then shows me the changes needed so i learn as i go. I encourage you to keep writing, there is a passion underlying your words that shines through.

Good story

This is a good story that was entertaining and informative. A must read for those that believe in God. Reading your work out loud helps catch those pesky mistakes. Keep writing! :-)

Beautiful

Beautiful and heartfelt, I enjoyed this poem very much. Keep writing!!! :-)

Interesting read

I enjoyed this book and its characters. Everyone wants to be young again and you deliver it to them in this book. Light hearted yet deep this book explores the second chance given to the main character. Keep up the good work :-)

Fabulous beginning

This is a very well written piece that will unfold into a fabulous book. I enjoyed your world and it is characters. Looking forward to where it is going... Keep up the good work :-)

Great Story

I really enjoyed your story and am wondering how it will all turn out. It is wonderful to see the story from both sides and different points of view. I loved your characters and I enjoyed the constant action. Keep writing this is a really good book in the making.

Great Beginning

This is a great start, I look forward to more. There are a few spelling mistakes but they are easy fixed, just give it a read through out loud and that will help you find them. I urge you to continue on with it as it could be a wonderful book. :-) CETurner

Great Beginning

This is a great beginning and I look forward to seeing where it goes and what is really happening behind the scenes. I like your main character she is strong and well rounded. Keep at it this could be a wonderful story. That if she over comes the bullying and can rise beyond it can help many people. CETurner

Wow

What a wonderful heartfelt beginning. I am completely enthralled and am very curious as to how this story will play out. It is such a tragic topic, but I see your work could help others in deep ways. Please continue on with it as it could affect people lives and their choices in life saving ways. CETurner.

Wow

I expected a good story but didn't expect for it to touch me in the ways it did. I feel I now have more compassion due to your story. I love Aaron and wanted to reach out and reassure him. Your story brought me to tears on a couple of occasions. I thoroughly enjoyed your style and flair. Keep going it is a story that will change hearts and minds, CETurner

Very Good Read

This is a very good story, it has a great pace and keeps you guessing as it evolves. I love your main character's they were likeable and seemed very real. Your nasty character was written really well and had me wishing for his downfall. I have to say this writer evoked tears in me a couple of time while describing the inner workings of Raiza's mind and her past. If there was more I would have read on... I urge this writer to continue on with her story as it has the makings of a great novel. I would recommend this to any who like a good fantasy story.

Good beginning

This is a good beginning to your story. I like your characters and the descriptions of the struggle that goes on behind bullying. It is a fresh take on werewolf stories. I think you need to read your work out loud and this will help you find those little mistakes. Or ask a friend or family member who is good at punctuation to look it over for you and help you out in that department. On the whole I think it is a very good start to your novel and I urge you to keep writing. I would have read on if there had been more!

Very good read!

This is a very good read, that got me in quickly. It had plenty of twists and turns to keep the reader entertained. The world building was very good and detailed helping one envision the story. The relationships between characters was strong and believable. I think it needs a quick read through to pick up a handful or errors before it is perfect. I urge this author onwards and upwards with their writing.

Good Read!

This is a very good read. It brings out your emotions and plays with your heart and your fears for its main character. The nasty ones are written well with great detail. It has good pace and lots of action to pull your forward through the story. I think it needs a once over as it has a sprinkling of little mistakes that take away from the power of your work. I urge this writer to continue with the story it has the makings of a great novel.

Great Read

This is a good paced story that is full of action and strong believable characters. That will hook you in and leave you wanting more. I recommend any who like fantasy give this one a read. I urge the writer onward and upward with their writing.

Love story

This is a good read for lovers of romance. Its pace is a little slow for my liking and because you show everything for all points of view. This can make it a little repetitive. Your characters were likable and their love from such an early age is rare. I urge this writer to keep up the good work.

A great adventure!

This story is a must for anyone that loves a great adventure. I found the first two chapters were a little jarring and overly full of details. Which I know set the world up but they didn't make me want to read on. I did however and was pleasantly surprised at how easily it flowed and that it had a good pace. I love both main characters and was dazzled by their high tech gadgets versus basic gut instincts, or maybe it is a mix of both. I thought you brought your world to life over a few chapters but once you had me in I needed to keep reading. I also recommend you do some editing runs on your work as some of the mistakes take away from the pace and elegance of your writing. I recommend this book to all. I urge this writer to not only polish their work but to keep on writing.

Excellent Story

This is a fabulous beginning to a story. I was hooked by end of first chapter and held tight till its end. I am going to follow this author so I can stay updated on this evolving novel. I loved the action and the details that came with every scene. I urge this writer to continue on with this work and quickly as I want to know more... :) This is an excellent story I urge everyone to give it a read.

Excellent Read

This book is a really good read. It got me in early and held me till its end. I wonder will there be more books to follow??? I recommend this book to all the supernatural lovers out there, you wont be disappointed. I urge you to keep writing and wish you all the best in your bright writing future.

Exciting Beginning

This is a fabulous beginning to your story. I found the first chapter a bit information heavy but by chapter two I was in its hold. It picked up pace as it weaved its way forward. If there was more to read I would have read on. There were a few errors that another read over will easily fix. I urge you onwards and upwards with this novel.

Exciting Read

I think this is an exciting read that anyone would enjoy! I love Devin and the unfolding off his character and circumstances. I found the school creepy and had good reasons too as the story revealed. I think this is well thought out and executed perfectly. I urge any who love a good read to pick up this novel. I look forward to more from this author.

Great Read!

As the blurb says it is not your average love story. It gets you in quickly and the grip tightens with each chapter read. I love your very real characters and the interpersonal interactions between the whole group. This story has many layers and lots of twists and turns to keep you on your toes. I recommend this to anyone who loves a REAL love story with a big dash of reality. I urge this writer to keep writing and wish them all the best in their writing future.

Good Read

I really enjoyed meeting your characters and the world you have set it in. I think this story is quite intriguing and gets you in quickly. I am keen to know how it will all turn out??? I look forward to more from this author, more on this story and others as well. I wish you all the best with your writing :-)

Very Interesting Read

I like the way you play with shadows in your novel. You do it in words and you do it in your storytelling. Only half telling the story but leaving us enough to want more... It is very skilful and tricky. I found your beginning and ending quite intriguing. I wonder if there is more of this to come??? I urge this writer to write! write! write! As it will only make you a better author. You already show lots of talent at a young age and a vivid imagination to go with it. Which in my opinion assures you have a bright writing future ahead. This is a good read I would recommend any who love a good story.

Intriging

I am quite intrigued by your story. I really wanted there to be more to read so I could know how things turned out. Which means you are on the right track when it comes to engaging your reader. This book had twists and turns I didn't see coming but just added an extra depth to your story. There were a few little errors and missing words but these are easy fixed with another editing run. I find, as do others, that reading your work aloud or having a friend with fresh eyes look it over are two good options for editing. Over all this is a good read, that I would say will be great, once it is finished. I urge you to continue your Story and wish you all the best with your writing future.

With work could be a 5 star book

This is one of the hardest reviews I have ever had to write. So lets start with the good bits.

The plot is strong and original. The twist of Indra was something I never saw coming but delighted me. I loved Kindle in her complexity and the many shades of her personality. Jared was another complex character and with him I had kind of a love hate relationship. I think your sex scenes were done exceptionally well and the bluntness suited Jared. I also like how it was different for Kindle when see was with Indra. I think your ending will leave many wanting more myself included. This book has serious potential to shine brightly and appeal to many readers.

Okay, your work is like a beautiful garden that has become over grow with weeds making me have to wade through it Though the weeds I talk of are mistakes. They range from little ones like in instead of on, or a missing letter or word, to whole sentences that have repeated lines in them. I am sorry to say they are in every chapter. Others might not read on once they find those mistakes marring your work. So like every writer it is up to you to go back and start finding the pesky little buggers. The more I write the more I learn that editing is bigger than the imagination part because if its not written properly no one will read it to see your amazing imagination. Also I wanted to know more about Kindle in the beginning. I was desperate to know how old she was I didn't know her age just that she was at school. I also wanted to know how she got the nickname Kindle, I kept hoping you would reveal it to me. This all goes to point to the fact that you got me into the story quickly and kept a hold on me till the end. I got the feeling that you write quite quickly and I am the same. It means we write trying to keep up with our imagination and it comes out so fast that there are missing words or misspelt words etc. I have just given my work to a friend to see if she can find my mistakes it is quite hard to edit your own work. I just did 3 read throughs on my work editing as I went. Reading your work out loud is a good way to find those little mistakes or punctuation problems. I wanted to tell you when I first put up my story I am embarrassed to say that I didn't even had paragraphs and some people baulked at reading it, and I don't want the same thing to happen for you. So roll up those sleeves and tend to the beautiful garden you have created and clear away the mistakes that are marring your work. I meant my heading this could be a 5 star story but it needs your love and care and attention to shine at its brightest.

Good Beginning

I think this is a good beginning to your story but I would love more details. I think there is room for a lot of expansion in your story telling. We as writers need to always remember that the art is to show not tell. I liked your characters and your premise, but again I wanted more details about them. What they were wearing, their facial expressions, and more detail in your fight scenes. So you got me in and I wanted to hear more of the story. So I think this shows lots of promise. It needs cleaning up as in editing, with some long sentences, missing punctuation, and wrong words. I use reading my work aloud to help me find my mistakes and also have a friend look it over with fresh eyes. The more you edit the more polished your work becomes and it adds another level to the sparkle.

Epic Romance Saga

This is definitely not your average romance novel. It got me in early and kept a firm hold all the way through. I loved how I never saw it coming, each decision or action and the consequences that followed. This book twisted and turned at ever chapter. Yes it was a little dark but it also had light moments too. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and recommend it to all who like a different take on romance and love.

Great Beginning

This is a great beginning to your story. I love how Australian flavoured it is and being an Aussie I smiled a lot at terms and references. I am really looking forward to where this goes and how your characters develop. It shows lots of promise. I urge you to not only finish this but write as much as you can to develop your already showing ability.

Good Read!!

I thought this was a good read and as it is only the beginning who knows what heights the story may go to! I was enthralled by Draven but i was very curious to know what he looked like. I think the castle is well set up and has many possibilities for limitless scenarios. I think like any good writer the key here is editing, there are missing words, extra words and some missing punctuation. Reading your work out loud is a good way of catching those pesky mistakes, and even better a friend with fresh eyes is a good source of editing too. I am still finding mistakes in my own work and i have edited it countless times and also had a friend look it over. So i wish you lots of luck in this and urge you to make the corrections so your work is easier to read and more polished. The story is good, the platforms are solid and your characters are very believable. All in all you have a pearl you just need to wash off the sand. Keep writing and good luck with this story, I look forward to more.

Very Enjoyable!

Here is a writer who has a wonderful way with words, easily painting pictures or imprinting emotions on you. The story is one that gets better with each page turned. I fell in love with the characters and was swept away into the imagination of the writers world. I recommend it to any who love a good story. I also believe that like fine wine this writer will only get better the more they write.. I look forward to the next installment of the story. Good luck and keep writing!!! :-)

Good Read

This was a good read. There were a couple of missing words in a few places but other than that it was very good. Try reading your work out loud and you should find your mistakes easily. Keep writing and good luck in the competition.

Great Read

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I would recommend it to all. The characters are bright and like able. I enjoyed your world and the politics that played throughout. I also loved how there were little messages in your story line. Little bits of wisdom. I look forward to more form this author. There were a few spelling mistakes and a couple of missing words which will be easy found if you read your work aloud. Keep writing and tell the dog i said thank you, he was correct! :-)

Interesting Beginning

I thought this was an interesting and good beginning. I look forward to seeing where it goes. There are a few mistakes to be fixed. Remember to always start a sentence with a capital letter. All writers need to learn to edit their own work, reading your story aloud will help you find those pesky mistakes. All in all i think it is a good beginning that with a little polish will flow beautifully. Keep up the good work :-)

Great Story

I thought this was a fresh edgy story that grabs you quickly and doesn't let go. I am looking forward to more from this author. Keep writing i think it has the makings of a brilliant book! :-)

Very Enjoyable Read

I thoroughly enjoyed this story from beginning to end. I thought it taught some good messages on the real truth of beauty, and recognizing real love begins with a deep friendship. The characters were fresh and appealing. The story flows. beautifully. Keep up the good work I look forward to more by this author.

Must Read

This book is a must read for those that love a good story. I found it to be a page turner and a gripping read that beckoned me onto the ending. I would love to read more!!!! Well done keep up the excellent work :-)

Saga in the making...

This story shows lots of promise and once its editing issue are solved you will have a very good story on your hands. You need to find a friend who is good at punctuation etc and ask them to read through it for you. Show you the mistakes you are making and ways to correct them. I also read my work out loud as it is a good way to discover mistakes. You also have issues with your ages, at one stage there are three years between Paul Jr and Lizzie. Then at a later date there is only a year between them. Also it says Jake Jr is twelve but that Lisa had been married to Paul for fifteen years. As the affair happened before she was married the age of Jake Jr does not add up properly. These are little things that are easy fixed. I thought your story moved at a good pace, and your characters were real and likable. Keep up the good work, with some editing your story will be heading in the right direction..

Fantastic Read

This book was not my normal read but i am so glad I read it. It is fresh and original. I loved your characters and their names. It was fast paced and highly entertaining. I look forward to the rest of your story. I would recommend this to all readers. Great work! Keep it up :-)

Good read

This is a good read, not my normal kind of read but i enjoyed it. Your characters were likeable and real. The pace was a little slow but picked up speed as the book progressed. A lot of thought has gone into this story and the results are wonderful. Keep writing and good luck!

Interesting beginning

This is an interesting story and a good beginning. Keep writing :-)

Interesting concept

Your story is based round the interesting concept of masks and different classes. I love Ink and Rebecca and how different, but how drawn to each other they are. You build a wonderful world and explain it in ways that make the reader see it clearly in their mind. Well done and good luck with your writing

Wonderful book

This is a wonderful book that I recommend to anyone that likes some mystery and adventure. Your characters are well rounded and likeable. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Good luck with your writing :-)

Great read

This book is a great read, its in depth characters are well rounded and likeable. The entanglement of the characters really sets the scene for an unfolding drama and makes it hard to choose a side. A great saga!

Very enjoyable

I am happy and pleased to say I really enjoyed your beginning. I love your main character and look forward to seeing how he pulls off his latest challenge. This is a really good start, please keep at it as it will be a wonderful book!

Excellent Beginning!

I really enjoyed and am hooked as in I want to know what is going to happen. Well done on doing that in just three short chapters. Really exciting prospects here. Keep it up your heading in a wonderful direction. CETurner

Wonderful start...

I really enjoyed looking into this world you have created. It is interesting and appealing. I look forward to reading more and finding out what happens. :-) Keep at it! CETurner

Wonderful Beginning

Hi Helen, What are great beginning, I am hooked already and am dying to know where it goes. I love your characters and your descriptions. I look forward to more. There were a couple of punctuation mistakes but nothing that cant be easily fixed. Keeping going it is really good! CETurner

good Read

I thought this was a good read. It is a little slow but picks up pace as it goes on. Keep on writing and good luck in the competition.