CLSerra

MNL, PH

A professional potato.

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

A Sweet Story

It's a good story over-all. There's a lot to improve but don't worry, it's part of the process. Don't give up on this. My only advice is this: Read. Read. Read. Learn from authors and how they word out. It took me over 500 books to develop my own writing style and it's still far from perfect. There's still a bunch I need to learn. So, don't give up. And did I mention, read more? LOL.

Don't worry, this is an interesting story. Keep it up!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Intense and a slowburn

The plot pacing is slow but you won't feel it that much because there is tension per chapter. The slangs are a nice addition to the over all lore of the story but you have to keep an alert mind to know what they really meant. There is a fog of mystery most of the time.

But for now, I'm having a hard time getting a good grasp of Mila due to her mysterious past. The swapping of the past and the present plus even the further past can be confusing for new readers. Not to mention then 10 year mysterious gap. So, some brain cells will surely burn to keep in track. Thought that's totally fine, too!

The downside of an early intense plot is the need to retain this pacing in the long run. If the plot pacing fell downwards for no reason, then it may upset the readers.

Keep this up. There is still improvements that are needed to be done in the writing style. It's not my piece of pizza since I am more into YA Fiction and Fantasy BUT I did enjoy the new taste. So far, I have like it and I had put my mid-way thoughts into the comments. I'll surely keep this in tab.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Has potential, but too early to tell.

I see the irony that you try to seemingly portray. But with two chapters out, it really is too early to tell. It takes build up and more than a few chapters to bring the plot to life. I imagine this is only an excerpt and there are a lot that can be improved here and there. However, the preview is quite convincing. Keep this up!

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