CLSerra

MNL, PH

A professional potato.

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A Sweet Story

It's a good story over-all. There's a lot to improve but don't worry, it's part of the process. Don't give up on this. My only advice is this: Read. Read. Read. Learn from authors and how they word out. It took me over 500 books to develop my own writing style and it's still far from perfect. There's still a bunch I need to learn. So, don't give up. And did I mention, read more? LOL.

Don't worry, this is an interesting story. Keep it up!

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High Quality Story

The writing style itself was superb and professional. It's very creative and vivid that it automatically plays in my head. There was no struggle in how I see it in my mind's eye. The usage of words and how to communicate it to readers so accurately is not a skill that isn't easily learned. It takes hundreds of books to learn from various authors and genre.

Characterization of the main character is played out well. Isaiah wasn't boring, at least for me. But I would love to see a dynamic that affects him deeply as a child later on. It's too early to tell for the first few chapters. Magic will always be dear to me that's why I read your story right away. And I only have one regret: I get to read this while it was still in progress. How I wish book one is done! Alas, I shall wait for more chapters.

The lore and world-building is awesome. I am quite curious what kind of world you are exposing us to!

The pacing of the plot is just fine. There isn't an element that overpowers the others to make it concise and clear while still giving way to show a creative side. There is that thrill of dropping piece by piece of information that entice readers and have them drawn towards the plot.

Although the sudden change of POV can be quite confusing for the average reader. This was also my problem back then that's why I decided to add another POV character to retain the first person POV. It is experimental which I would suggest to create a way how to flawlessly transition it for those chapters.

Honestly, there isn't much criticism I could think of aside from asking for more chapters. Lol. You really got me hooked. Now I have to look for other YA stories here of the same calibre (I can't seem to find where they are!). I really hope you'll be able to win in the contest! This is definitely one of my favorites here on this site.

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Intense and a slowburn

The plot pacing is slow but you won't feel it that much because there is tension per chapter. The slangs are a nice addition to the over all lore of the story but you have to keep an alert mind to know what they really meant. There is a fog of mystery most of the time.

But for now, I'm having a hard time getting a good grasp of Mila due to her mysterious past. The swapping of the past and the present plus even the further past can be confusing for new readers. Not to mention then 10 year mysterious gap. So, some brain cells will surely burn to keep in track. Thought that's totally fine, too!

The downside of an early intense plot is the need to retain this pacing in the long run. If the plot pacing fell downwards for no reason, then it may upset the readers.

Keep this up. There is still improvements that are needed to be done in the writing style. It's not my piece of pizza since I am more into YA Fiction and Fantasy BUT I did enjoy the new taste. So far, I have like it and I had put my mid-way thoughts into the comments. I'll surely keep this in tab.

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SciFi with Epic themes

Looks like you're off to a great start. The lore is being built step by step. There is foreshadowing here and there that you must have placed on purpose. The pacing speed is just right. I felt like it's a bit of a slow-burn and I like the part that politics and revenge is introduced early on. It seems that it is a major driving factor of the over-all plot. Since it's not yet done, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt since the first chapters are promising.

However, I'm not sure if it's just me but I have a challenge in connecting with Maya. Then again, it's too early to tell. I'll give it time before she's given the heroine personality. Or perhaps she's a different archetype altogether. Keep the chapters coming!

PS: The book cover is professionally done! It's looks awesome. Definitely en eye catcher!

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Has potential, but too early to tell.

I see the irony that you try to seemingly portray. But with two chapters out, it really is too early to tell. It takes build up and more than a few chapters to bring the plot to life. I imagine this is only an excerpt and there are a lot that can be improved here and there. However, the preview is quite convincing. Keep this up!

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