This seems to be becoming an interesting story. It moves at a fast pace which in itself is both good and bad; good because there is no time for the reader to wonder about wanting to read on but bad in the sense that not much space is left for describing the world around the central characters and I tend to think your story suffers from that lack. I think with a bit more descriptive language about the surroundings and the people you will have something really worth building on here. I look forward to the next chapters.
One other small thing to watch in terms of technical language is your tense. You are writing in the present tense which is a difficlut thing to do and I take my hat off to you for even attempting it but on a couple of occasions you have strayed into the past tense, using phrases like 'I thought' when the tense demands 'I think'....
Please feel free to come back to me for any more pointers etc if you have found my review helpful and please take a look at my own novel 'Deliverance'.
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