Cricket Elleson

Nut or Not

Positive note, I loved that it had so much dialogue. So often stories lack in that department. From what I did manage to get through, a fair amount of dialogue was funny in content. I think that humor could be your genre. Don't give that up.
Now, the editing...eeps. You were anxious to get this story out, no doubt. If you could have had someone more familiar with editing read it before posting it, I would have given it more time. I really wanted to be able to see it go further, but the errors were too much and I did have to bail around chapter six. That being said, should you clean it up in that respect, I'd give it another go. My biggest pet peeve "your" vs. "you're".
Please don't take this review in a negative way. Writing is an ongoing learning process. Consider this the beginning of your journey, and please keep moving forward. You have a knack for humorous characters, and their conversations, that's a good jumping off point. I'm going to keep your story in my reading lists, and check back.

It's a Start

I'm going to be honest, I had a very difficult time reading this due to all the errors in basic writing skills. (capitalization, punctuation, formatting) I realize some writers are so eager to put there wonderful stories up, that they don't proof. It detracts so much from the story, which I think could be developed into something good, that it makes it hard to enjoy.

Please, do not let this deter you from creating. You have a story in you, and you obviously want it to be seen. Take the time to edit to the best of your ability, and do not be afraid to ask someone else to edit it as well. A second set of eyes is needed by every author, myself included.
I am going to keep this story in my TBR list, as I really believe it has potential. Good luck to you and please keep writing.

Glued

Other than a bit of polishing, I enjoyed this. I would have loved more details in certain areas, but overall it was a story that held my attention and had me hopeful for the HEA. Thanks for sharing it.

Intrigued

I have to say, I was pleased to be reading a story that has obviously been edited well before it was posted. I know how excited we all get to have our creations out there, and how hard t is to actually edit your own work, myself included. This author took the extra steps, and it doesn't escape the reader.
I am intrigued by the story in it's completed chapters, enough so that I will be waiting for more of this work to appear. In the first few chapters, I will admit, I though, "okay, it's going to be disturbing erotica, with a story laced behind the sex." I am so glad I was wrong. I have nothing against the genre, but if an author can pull out a decent story, so that the reader could actually retract the disturbing details and still have a story that someone wants to read, that makes a great writer and story. This author is fully capable.
I have no clue how it will develop any further, beyond what I myself would write, but some how I doubt my ideas will be the road that is traveled, and that makes me all the more intrigued to see what takes place. Please continue, your readership is on the edge of their seats.