When Promises Don't Deliver
This story is in desperate need of an editor. I honestly could not get past the first chapter because it's painstakingly repetitive and poorly written. The other problem I have is that the story starts with not only one, but two dream sequences. This is one of the biggest signs of an amateur writer. So much confusing stuff happens so early on, I found it hard to connect with the characters and even harder to care because I don't know why any of it matters. All of it just felt really contrived. It was like reading how a person who watches a lot of anime thinks an anime related novel would be written.
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