Elefthrine

Good Story

I liked the fantasy and adventure aspect of the story. It is really fast paced and takes you through various twists and turns. Truly an adventure. I love the dynamics between the trio. Looking forward for the updates.

PS: if you have time, please do checkout my story-Moon Curse.

Good writing

I loved your writing. The story was easy to take in and the prose was perfectly structured. However I do have concern for the omniscient POV. Not that it was bad, rather it was very well-written. But for many readers it could be a tricky read as the plot continues. So far, I did have some instances along the story where I had to read twice to comprehend the who was talking. Like the last para in the first chapter-here, he is referred to two characters. In my opinion, if you just managed to steer clear of head hopping, you are good to go. All the best.

PS:If you have time, please review, comment or like my story- Moon curse.

Great writing!!

This story is amazing. And I love theme and the writing style. The prose is well written too.
Odette jerked back... this para was a bit confusing. I think it was the mention of motive for Lilith
to use her power wasn't clear enough. I did not quite get why her emotions flared though. But the magik system seems to have its own creative origins. I get a sense that it a huge world with complex characters and themes, and your depictions have made it easy to understand it right away. The dialogues were perfect and gave good impression of the characters.

In the mind

Hi, good story, but would need some tweaking. The issues I found were:
*in the sentence structure
*word echos
*some punctuation mistakes here and there (mostly commas needed to break the sentence)
*passive voice.

Good things
*Setting and theme
*Prose (after you have worked on structuring it well of course, I see a potential)
*concept (from the summary)
Your summary was spot on, but the ease of flow is what is lacking in the chapter. I think it can be
corrected with some revision and you are good to go. All the best.