No published stories yet
Great read, a lot of potential
First of all if like the say that I loved this story, I stayed up until 2am reading it. While it's not without out it's faults I'm not going to critique them in detail here as others have already done so in far better words than I have energy to muster. All I will say is that the grammar was rather inconsistent as was some of the spelling: in fact I'm pretty sure that I saw the word 'kinv' somewhere which doesn't fall in line with the rest of the story.
The plot was by far my favourite part of this story, Gabriel was an outstanding character in terms of characterisation. The only thing I would like to see more of is Fairy and Chance, I feel that they could have played a less supporting roll and been mentioned more. Given the ending Fairy especially should have been detailed more. As a whole I would say that the whole plot went smoothly aside from one thing, the introduction of Michael. For a while I had trouble reading through the lines and work out that he wasn't actually Archangel and that Gabriel was. When it suddenly jumped between referring to both of them as Archangel I was very confused. For a moment I actually thought that Michael was his older famous brother or something.
The end of this story left me with a lot to think about. My brain is running wild thinking of what could be possible in a sequel which is a good thing. Vulture shooting, Kniv robbing, war resistance starting Gabriel is stuck in my head with Fairy tracking him down the whole time. The setting and vehicular tie-ins at the end actually gave me a kind of Mad Max vibe. You are planning on writing a sequel anyway right? I for one would love to see it, it's been a while since I've found properly good Sci fi.
If there are any mistakes or seeming rambling in this review then I apologise, I'm too sleep deprived to have have the presence of mind to accurately write or check over anything. Thanks for taking the time to write this story, hopefully I'll have the chance to drop another review on a future one of yours soon.
Wonderful in Every Aspect
This story was a joy to read from start to finish, which I did in a time that felt all to short by the way. The characterization was perfect, I really felt like I understood all of them on a very personal level. Noah and Spencer especially were beautifully written.
As for the plot, it was simple but oh so good. The humour was exactly what I love and the way that you turned McDonald's into something interesting is an achievement unto itself. The inclusion of Benji was an absolutely great idea and the blend of romantic implication and comedy was just right. The first person style and flair you put into the writing just played this up all the more.
I could go on for longer but I'm not great with reviews so I'll just day that I loved it. Really hoping for a sequel though because there are too many loose ends to clear up and I'm too invested to not see one.
No badges received yet