GarethN

An interesting idea struggling to get out

The underlying theme of this novel - creatures of light (elves and fairies) and creatures of dark (vampires and werewolves) contending in what, I think, is supposed to be a contemporary society - has enormous potential. However, it is let down by lack of attention to detail.

The leading characters are also well developed. I feel I know them and enjoy their interactions. However, I was not able to keep track of all the secondary characters.

The world building confused me. Most descriptions pointed towards a modern day society (mobile phones, nightclubs etc.) and yet the main character works in a village blacksmith’s. I did, however, appreciate the detail of using fireballs to operate the furnace.

The political structures of the two domains need to be developed further. Here, the ideas seemed to be invented as they were needed rather than being introduced gradually.

And, finally, the whole work needs thorough editing. There are far too many basic grammar, language and consistency errors.

- GN -

Brett!

Interesting opening chapter but needs a bit of polishing :
You always need a punctuation mark inside the closing quotation mark of quoted speech.:

“Hello,” she said.

“Goodbye.” She walked out of the room.
The words ‘I’ is always capitalised.
I don’t find some of your dialogue convincing. Either read it out loud or get an app to read your stuff back to you.
But keep going.

Here today, gone tomorrow

An amusing little yarn, well written with a light, slightly cynical eye.. More of a short story than a novel for there is no significant plot or character development.
- GN -

Yorkshire Walker

A fascinating and original plot. In places I got slightly lost with the changes in points of view and the flashbacks and there were occasional irritating technical errors but overall I thoroughly enjoyed the book.
- GN -