Sun Hunter & Kit Take Over
Hey Jayfeatherrulesgirl, I have a suggestion for your ideas. I was thinking, why don't you make when the guardians mate and have kits, the kits are born with a necklace of some birthstone. and that's their name, but when the kit becomes a year old the original guardian of that birthstone retires and then the kit takes over the job, the original guardian of that stone will mentor that kit. So if you like the idea respond.
Secondly, When a guardian dies it goes up to something like StarClan, but can you call it Sun Hunter, like silverpelt but a constellation that follows the sun around, Well, I think you should call it the Sun Hunter. They should meet the living guardians in their dreams. And lastly please explain what you mean by 'Real Brea'
Love, the Great Haidenracer :)
P.S I LOVE THIS STORY AND HAD DREAMS ABOUT IT ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! No srsly I did.
Interesting and Insperational
I found this short story very inspirational, congrats! You have talent and I bet if you continue it will grow. I did find some punctuation and grammar issues but nothing a quick edit couldn't fix. I liked how you incorporated the silver lining in the story and different metaphors to explain the message you were trying to get across.
Good job. I cannot wait to read more :-)
This story has a great hook in the beginning and I couldn't stop reading. The character Daniel is AWESOME. Although everything is spectacular, there is one problem. When you do dialogue, you keep forgetting to add punctuation for example: (What not to do) "My name is Haiden" (What to do) "My name is Haiden."
Do you see the difference? One Has a period before the second set of quotation marks and the other doesn't.
Then again, this is an amazing book. Great plot, setting and writing style. Their all similar to mine. :) Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward for chapter 5.
And If your interested, search the book 'Rebel Of The Pride' and please leave a review.
Couldn't stop reading
This story was so interesting to read and I may have made the mistake of reading it in school, I almost got no work done because I just kept reading it. Your writing style was really awesome and as said in another review, everything flowed together. I hope that you write more short stories like this one, it was so interesting!Read the story now
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