I thought the story was well written. It opens well and pulls the reader in by revealing the world in bits and pieces. Decent distinction with the two characters presented. The flaw that caught me occurred in point of view, or head hopping. Flipping back forth between the two characters' thoughts and perspective felt jarring and took me out of the story.Read the story now
Fun story. It's like the author read several volumes on the future of wearables and other emerging technologies and crafted his tale around them. At some points, though, it felt more like he was unloading his research into the story, rather than allowing it to come organically.
Great narrative voice, very distinct. I didn't care for the dialog style as it muddied up the waters of who was speaking. There were a few instances of missing punctuation, wrong words and other minor mechanical errors.
Overall it was well worth my time. Good job.
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