Ken

Hi Ken! I have a novel-in-progress, I’d like to share.

She walks in beauty like the night. A young teen betrayed by those who were supposed to love and protect her. Now she fights for her survival in ruthless Gotham City. Can Selena hang on to her purity and morals? Or will she eventually succumb to … the Cat Woman.

https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fanfiction/1217032

Hello, i looked at your story, and some of the comments. It seems to be well put together, however it seems like you’re focusing a lot on the other characters and not on what your character is thinking/feeling if that makes sense. Also, I could just not be the correct person to ask as I am an amateur writer myself and don’t have a whole lot of experience as of yet, but you could include some memories of the town that Zachariah remembers from his childhood, and go into a bit more backstory. Tbh, this isn’t entirely the type of story that I read, so do with this what you will though. Good job though, and keep it up. You’re doing great so far

Hey! So I was just going to ask before anything, my friend would probably really enjoy your book and I was wondering if you’d like me to ask her?

Hey! I was just wondering when will you update your story? I am waiting.

Hi! I’m Eman☺️
I would love some feedback on my very first novel, Beyond your sight.
Its about a girl whose homeland has been invaded and she’s forced to flee while also upholding the oath she made to a friend and fighting tooth and nail against all odds. Aliya finds that humans aren’t the only powerful beings on earth; that there are species not even myths can explain….
Its ongoing but it would mean a lot to me if you could spare some time for it🥰
Thank you! Have a nice day🙃
Read Beyond your sight for free on inkitt https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/943668?utm_source=shared_ios

That's a really fascinating concept you have for your story. I can tell that you and Ronin are clicking and he's giving you a lot to work with. Just a couple of things that jumped out at me: 1) In the beginning you mentioned bears and deer and highways which put things into kind of a... normal? world so it was a bit more jarring to have a completely different set of creatures show up- not necessarily something to change. 2) It's working to go from present tense to past tense, most of the time. There are a few instances where it doesn't seem to be used quite right, mainly in the beginning, and that makes it a little swirly to get through. 3) The dialogue. Some of it is really natural, most of Ronin's. Some of it, particularly Dexter and sometimes Luna, feels a little too bookish and a bit forced. You also might pull back on the exclamation points, lol. They start to lose their punch when everyone seems loud or excited about all kinds of things.

It's really creative and fun to read. Good job!