This. Was. Freaking. BRILLIANT!
I don't know how I can sum up my love for this story in words. It's just...it's just so, so, good. I devoured the whole thing.
I love how the species pokes fun of humanity. Highlighting all of our flaws, observing our faults...and it's true, we have a lot of them. (Though I don't believe that makes up for faults of other species.
I want to call them monsters so much. I really do. Killing is inexcusable. But at the same time, if they need to do it to survive...well, I can't really comment.
The story was very clever in linking the feasting with missing children. And the fact that those things are all around us and we just can't see them...it's very clever. Oh, how I love clever.
Your writing style hooked me from the start. The sentences flowed extremely well, and there wasn't a single grammatical error. Well done!
So now, I only have one question for this species...what would you do if The Doctor found out you existed? ;)
Because honestly, I couldn't think of a better title. This story...was unlike anything I've ever read before. You've captured the very essence of death...the very essence of the underworld, even. This is...incredibly morbid. I have no idea what went through your mind when you wrote this...and honestly don't know if I should know. This feels like something that's just so...I don't even know how to describe it. Heck, you've left me speechless. And I'm never speechless when it comes to reviews.
''Engrave the pain of living onto my body." That line reminded me of something that was said in an anime called Black Butler. I have no idea if you've watched it or not, but it's certainly up your ally!
This flowed so well. Parts of it were like a poem, the others parts a chant. Different flows for different vibes. Very nice.
Keep up the amazing, mind-blowing work!
I'll start of by saying you made the story suspenseful. VERY, suspenseful. At some points I was at the edge of my seat, leaning in close to the computer. I was getting so worried for Joan. When she jumped, I jumped. And the whole idea of a figure standing in the doorway like that...creppy.
Now, getting down to technical aspects....this is where I feel you fell short. The sentences didn't flow all that well. At some points they were very choppy. And in one paragraph, you started every sentence with a word ending in "ing." It sort of distracted me from the story.
Also, the ending didn't feel very satisfying. Bushing it all off as dream just sort of seemed...anti-climatic. It would have been okay to end it like that, had you, let's say, made the mysterious mover come back one more time. Or maybe revealed to us that the set of keys was missing. You just needed something to make the reader at the end go "Oh, that definitely couldn't have been a dream."
Overall, the plot was really good. The story fell short in some areas, but I feel you have real potential as an author. Keep writing!
Wow! This was really neat! Short and to the point, but done in an artistic way. The way this was formatted reminded me of a poem. You managed to capture that desperate, fleeting feeling, as well as the ever approaching doom that awaits the main characters. Her depiction of hell is something that's realistic, yet very sinister. The overall flow was great too. Excellent work!Read the story now
THIS is a good story
Let me start off by saying this: Wow. This was a good story. Combining myth, legend, and religion all into one to make a beautiful masterpiece. Creative, creepy, and very well done.
I was quite intrigued by Cassandra. It was hard to imagine a child capable of such things...but the fact that she had an ancient soul...oh, that was good. And I loved how you managed to convey the fact that all the monsters and fears we've had as children were, well, real. But they weren't really hurting us, no. They were helping us. And compared to Cassandra, they weren't monsters at all!
The ending was quite satisfying too. Yes, there are many beasts in this world. I often say that, all monsters are human, but not all humans are monsters.
The writing flowed beautifully, and this just felt like a well-written, complete story. Excellent work! :)
Creepy, but in a good way
This story entertained me. I love concepts that deal with "imaginary friends" who turn out to be anything but imaginary. You put a very creative twist on that concept. Well done.
The creatures themselves sound absolutely terrifying. They can take lives without anyone finding out about them. The burden is on the main character. That's why I liked that you mention the possibility of suicide--it adds uncertainty, and a bit of mystery to the main character. It makes me want to know more about him.
I'd like to know more about the creatures as well. It seemed you summed it up very generally by saying they came from a portal in another dimension. In fact, my only critique is that you give them a more interesting backstory. Or, none at all. You could have just said that they grew up with the main character as his imaginary friends, that's it. (Or maybe even grew from a part of him. Of course, that's just my suggestion. This is your story, so you write what you envision. :)
The story flowed VERY nicely. I didn't even a spot one grammatical error! It shows that you put effort into this. I commend you on that. ^^
Overall, it was a satisfying, creepy little short. I enjoyed it.
Oohh I adored this story! Just the right amount of creepiness, mixed in with a few ''real life'' monsters. You had me hooked from the start! Childhood is often where our scariest monsters lie....
Getting to plot, I love, LOVED the twist at the end. That was great. I would have never guess a doll to be involved in all of this....or that their was a fourth member of the family. I'd like to think the monster was around to watch out for the boy, rather than hurt him. After all, brothers are supposed to watch out for each other.. And it seems the only real danger present to the boy was his father and the gun. Where the creature in the attic came, well...that's a different story.
Overall, I thought this story was fantastic. Aside from a few awkward sentences, your writing was splendid. Way to capture the horror vibe!
I liked this one a lot. The whole thing felt like more of a poem than a story...or should I say, a chant. The eerie rhymes, the unusual layout...it all worked to form quite a cohesive piece. This is the kind of story that makes you think...and think...and think. Anything that makes you think is something worth reading.
Perhaps I'll remember one day whatever it is I've forgotten to say...
Overall, very nice story. I enjoyed it very much.^^
This. Was. AMAZING! *_*
Oh my gosh...it's been a while since I read a short this good. It kept me on my toes, and after every words I was dying to read more. It had the allure of horror and mystery, and I just ate everything up. At first I wasn't sure what direction the story would take--but when parts of her started disappearing, I was like ''Ah, I see now."
I thought it was sad that her boyfriend and friend didn't seem to care about her much. One was always distracted by the computer, and the other was absorbed in her own personal life. Matt forgets about the mole, Jane cancels plans. At this point, they're already forgetting about her. And soon she starts forgetting about them.
I feel like this story begs the questions, "If we don't acknowledge something, does it exist? What is real and what isn't?" Questioning your existence can be a scary and thing, and you've most definitely captures that frightening feeling. Technical wise, I didn't spot a single grammatical error, and your style is one that I enjoy. Fantastic work!
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