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Lyra's Fire

Amazing! This was one of the best stories here on Inkitt. Lyra appealed to me instantly. Her charm and strength shone through right from the moment she coldly regarded Minsor's ordeal in the bedroom. Her witty exchanges with John were funny, and I was convinced that she would not leave him. The action was wonderfully described, and there was a great flow in the narrative. Rena and Janus seemed a little typical, with Janus being bold and Rena being smart. Their loyalty to John shone through, and it was their arrival which ultimately saved John. The magi and goblins were both dark creatures but the differences between them were interesting to note. The magi's magic elevated them to a higher level than the goblins who were degraded repeatedly as being "imps". The magi's weakness was perhaps a little surprising - their magic was easily defeated by the physical attacks of the Dragonians. The part about John "enjoying the taste of her [Lyra's] strawberry" was a little too obscene given the context of the story. Lyra's sadness at her life shone through when she contemplated her choice between her father, Minsor and of course our own John. John's arrogance was most sexy, and it had me feeling a lot like Lyra. I could totally understand her falling for him in the end. Lyra's feminism was inspiring. Us women need to show the world that we do not need saving. The damsel saved herself from Minsor without any interference from the all-too-eager John. It was a wonderful take on fantasy. Good job.

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Intricately Created

The story was vivid and highly interesting. It immediately grabbed my attention and I read all the 10 chapters in one go. There was a lot of depth given to each character and their transformation made perfect sense, thanks to the boastful explanation provided by Josh in the final chapter. My suspect was Liz because she seemed to be the main protagonist of the story, and her being evil would be a cool twist. But the reveal of Josh as the perpetrator was also very shocking. Josh seemed to be the most honest of the lost, driven to righteous anger by Sophie's transformation. Edward's victory was sweet and dramatic - I did not expect the story to take such a turn that the butler would take revenge on his master. The part which was most gut-wrenching was poor Liz and Scott. The two were so cute together, and so awkward when Josh made fun of them. Barry turned out to be a bad person, which was perhaps hinted at by his unusual guilt over Darren's predicament. And finally, Bobby becoming the hot vixen was just so hilarious! His attempt to seduce the unwitting Edward, his booze-induced craziness really helped to bring the character to life. The grammar and punctuation was terrible. There were frequent changes in tense, and numerous misspellings. I would request you to kindly review your work before posting it on a public forum. The story was fun to read, funny yet terrifying at the same time and incredibly fast-paced. It was a wonderful effort by you, and I have become an ardent fan!

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A Question of Morality

The question posed here was most beautifully answered by the wolf, but not so well by the man. The wolf was able to tell us his point of view. He is immortal and cursed, and yet he feels like he died a long time ago. He does not give due credit to immortality and emphasizes the importance of dying at the right time. Death is nothing to be afraid of. "It is the next big adventure" to put it in the words of kooky Albus Dumbledore. The man, on the other hand, is human and lives for one day. His point of view isn't very clear. I did not fully understand what he meant by "My time is far ahead of now". Did he mean the time of his death? If that was the case, then his tragic demise at the hands of the wolf was beyond ironic. Did he mean the time of his mental state? That he was so far gone into something beautiful and deep, he wasn't fit to comment about living for one day. It was a good moral question which left me grappling for an answer myself. In the end, I would disagree with the wolf, and quite hypocritically chose the option of being immortal and cursed. Life, in whatever form, is beautiful. Death is a whole big expanse of ... nothing.

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Ethereal Messages

The story dangerously tottered on the edge of incomprehensibility but it managed to pull away at the very last moment, so that the overall effect had me in awe. Poisedon's gentleness and beauty were able to augment the feeling of her being a god. Her wisdom shone through and managed to part the clouds of confusion reigning in the man's head. The idea about the river, the ocean and the clouds was enchantingly simple, and its relevance to human beings was not lost on me. The man realizes that he has a purpose to fulfil in life, and neglecting to do is pure selfishness, a terrible thing which can destroy everything else. I was a little saddened too, come to think of it. Does man have no choice? If his staying in the river is so disastrous for everything around him, what is the point of free will? It wasn't very clear what ordeal the man had gone through. He was obviously suffering from some mental illness and scared of the social workers, but what had he done? It was difficult, if not tedious, to decipher the analogy about his lungs being filled with water. I would love to have a long talk with you about god and religion and the purpose of life. You seem to have great wisdom, as reflected by Poisedon's choicest phrases. Good job!

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Funny!

The story was well-written and highly amusing, delivering on the promises made in the summary. I took an immediate liking to the Wizard whose antics seemed all too familiar. There was great enjoyment in watching the plot unfold neatly and reach its timely conclusion. The Wizard's attempts at magic were hilarious and Reginald's statement to call the Jungleman back spoke of just how exasperated he was at the Wizard's lack of skill. The introduction to the Wizard was beautifully done, the best part of the story. We were able to understand the Wizard and his role in society extremely well, thanks to the vivid examples provided. The humour was outstanding and I laughed out loud many times. I wish to read more of this! The grammar and punctuation was not up to the mark. There were many instances in which a word seemed to have been missed, I suggest proof-reading the entire narrative at least once before posting it. All in all, it was a great story and I wish to read more! The Wizard may very well be Inkitt's very own Harry Potter!

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Intriguing

The story had a lot of potential and I will eagerly await the next chapters. There was a lot of humour interspersed between the action, such as "used to trap over-zealous foes" and Sir Vigilance's incredulity at the bag of platinum coins. The thing which struck me most about naming most people after abstract things was how simple it made understanding the characters. In the same spirits, Swiftrod elicited an unruly giggle from me. Charles' devotion to his father was commendable, and quite atypical. Normally, young boys are more than willing to exile their fathers so that they may become king. There were certain things which I did not like. Top of the list was the terrible grammar and punctuation. There was an abrupt transition into script writing style at the end. Sir Swiftrod seems to have authority greater than the king, which seems ludicrous now given that the other knights were forced to do such a silly thing by the king. Who exactly has the power here? The exchange between Vigilance and Charles was a huge mess. Charles' frankness seemed to imply that Vigilance had often conducted clandestine surveillance for the royal family, and yet Vigilance had not been sent by Chancellor to scout the area around Overlooked Fall. Vigilance's tone is too informal for a medieval setting. Charles' plan to bring Chancellor back seems to have no purpose. What difference does it make if Chancellor lives in Westbrook or Overlook Road? He will not be able to interact with people in both cases, though I suppose Charles can visit him more frequently in Westbrook. On the whole, I enjoyed your story. Keep up the good work, and I'll be sure to return for the next chapter.

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Daphne's Ordeal Becomes Mine

The story was well written and engaging. It was long, but didn't feel nearly as long as others often do. I loved Daphne inside and out. She represented the quintessential young woman of the future, unsure of where she fit in during informal gatherings and absorbed in her career. She reminded me of myself, and all that I hope to be in life. Garrett was the one who seemed to be aloof, blundering along the journey with no mind of his own. The events at the Fortunate Lady were crazy and fun to read. The slowly increasing terror was piqued by Daphne's shyness and self-consciousness. The ending was gut-wrenching. Daphne's ordeal leaves her indistinguishable from the prostitutes, who were subtly described as having "the oldest profession". The line which stood out most was "Each shop she entered was like a cell in a bee hive; each revealed a new cache of nectar." On the other hand, there were serious issues in grammar and punctuation. Often prepositions were missed and there were completely absurd tense changes during Daphne's recount. There was a lot implied about the Radcliffes which never really panned out. The concept of the Dome wasn't very clear. The summary of the story provided hinted at something like adult level "Keeping up with the Jones" but this was something totally different. The concept was merely mentioned in passing, and the main focus was on the eccentricities of the Fortunate Lady. And of course, writing about eccentricities is convenient because one never has to justify them. On the whole, it was a good attempt. I would encourage you to write more here on Inkitt.

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