Daphne's Ordeal Becomes Mine
The story was well written and engaging. It was long, but didn't feel nearly as long as others often do. I loved Daphne inside and out. She represented the quintessential young woman of the future, unsure of where she fit in during informal gatherings and absorbed in her career. She reminded me of myself, and all that I hope to be in life. Garrett was the one who seemed to be aloof, blundering along the journey with no mind of his own. The events at the Fortunate Lady were crazy and fun to read. The slowly increasing terror was piqued by Daphne's shyness and self-consciousness. The ending was gut-wrenching. Daphne's ordeal leaves her indistinguishable from the prostitutes, who were subtly described as having "the oldest profession". The line which stood out most was "Each shop she entered was like a cell in a bee hive; each revealed a new cache of nectar." On the other hand, there were serious issues in grammar and punctuation. Often prepositions were missed and there were completely absurd tense changes during Daphne's recount. There was a lot implied about the Radcliffes which never really panned out. The concept of the Dome wasn't very clear. The summary of the story provided hinted at something like adult level "Keeping up with the Jones" but this was something totally different. The concept was merely mentioned in passing, and the main focus was on the eccentricities of the Fortunate Lady. And of course, writing about eccentricities is convenient because one never has to justify them. On the whole, it was a good attempt. I would encourage you to write more here on Inkitt.
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