Mark Terence Chapman

Central NC, USA

Mark Terence Chapman is the author of five published novels so far.. Go to http://MarkTerenceChapman.com for more info..

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Enjoyable story

The author certainly has a fanciful imagination! The story flowed well, and there was enough explanation of the technology involved and enough foreshadowing of the ending that it didn't come out of the blue. I enjoyed the story and the storytelling style.

I did have a few quibbles, however. Nothing major, but minor distracting things that took me out of the "reader's trance".

1) the story needs a thorough going over for typos and punctuation. There were several places where commas were needed, and at least one word with a letter missing at the end. (A spell-checker wouldn't catch it because the word was spelled correctly; it just wasn't the correct word for that sentence.)

2) ,It would help to replace some passive writing with a more active voice. For example, when the protagonist first meets the griffon, he thinks "I could feel the griffon's gaze on me.. "I could feel" is passive. Better would be "I felt". Better still would be "The griffon gazed at me".

3) The tense was uneven at the end, jumping back and forth between present tense and past tense. Pick one or the other. For example, the first three sentences of the last scene, which begins with "I woke up" is in past tense. But then the next two sentences were in present tense: "I can now see." It's permissible to switch tenses between scenes/chapters, but not within the same scene, or--as was done here--n the same paragraph.

Still, overall it was a good story. It just needs some polishing.

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