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Marlise_Ingorle
When the suns and stars lose their shine, When the night becomes too heavy, When reality becomes too painful, Remember that life has curves, It's never a straight line.
I genuinely love this story
When I started on chapter 1, I was immediately blown away by how well you can write. Your verbiage, narrative, choice of words are simple yet evoke tensional emotions. It pretty much shows readers that they don't need to use big, fancy words to tell a story with depth.
As the story progresses, I can see that there is a mix of long and short chapters. Having a mix of chapter lengths is what makes the book so exceptionally intense. It leads your emotions on and shows that with the right words and length of each chapter, you can draw attention easily.
Any chance for you to update this story any time soon?
I'm intrigued
I like stories with a tinge of psychological horror. Do update though as I'd like to see how this story unfolds later on.
Read the story nowMy review
I've read through all the chapters and there are some things that I have noticed.
NARRATIVE READS ACROSS AS INCONSISTENT
I think this is what I am generally confused about because the narrative is not consistent. In the earlier chapters, the narrative reads off between a mix of: 80s fantasy narrative, high fantasy narrative, young adult fantasy narrative, and children's books narrative. However, in later chapters, the narrative only starts to get more consistent. Perhaps in your sequel book, start with a kind of narrative and go with it.
VERBIAGE IS ODD
Sometimes, you don't have to pick the "fanciest looking" or "most complicated-sounding" words to extrapolate what your characters are doing or saying. Sometimes the simplest word will do the trick for the story.
INCONSISTENT PARAGRAPHS
I can see how some paragraphs are longer than others. Some paragraphs are like 7-10 lines long whereas some are just 3-5 lines long. If the paragraphs get too long, you can split them up into 2 different paragraphs. It's okay to explain and extrapolate your story with multiple paragraphs as long as it doesn't take 1/2 the chapter describing something or someone.
LOVE THE STORYLINE
Although the storyline is a cliched one at that, I still enjoy your story immensely. Some people may not like repeated tropes and that's okay if they don't like it. I do. As long as the story connects well, I'm all for it.
Overall rating: 7/10
