I've read through all the chapters and there are some things that I have noticed.
Read the story now
NARRATIVE READS ACROSS AS INCONSISTENT
I think this is what I am generally confused about because the narrative is not consistent. In the earlier chapters, the narrative reads off between a mix of: 80s fantasy narrative, high fantasy narrative, young adult fantasy narrative, and children's books narrative. However, in later chapters, the narrative only starts to get more consistent. Perhaps in your sequel book, start with a kind of narrative and go with it.
VERBIAGE IS ODD
Sometimes, you don't have to pick the "fanciest looking" or "most complicated-sounding" words to extrapolate what your characters are doing or saying. Sometimes the simplest word will do the trick for the story.
I can see how some paragraphs are longer than others. Some paragraphs are like 7-10 lines long whereas some are just 3-5 lines long. If the paragraphs get too long, you can split them up into 2 different paragraphs. It's okay to explain and extrapolate your story with multiple paragraphs as long as it doesn't take 1/2 the chapter describing something or someone.
LOVE THE STORYLINE
Although the storyline is a cliched one at that, I still enjoy your story immensely. Some people may not like repeated tropes and that's okay if they don't like it. I do. As long as the story connects well, I'm all for it.
Overall rating: 7/10