Nsablo

New Jersey

26, I stick with dark and erotic work because I am here to push my limits to think outside the box. I hope you all enjoy and appreciate my work.

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Good Idea!

Hey!
I love the story concept and where you want to take it to the future. That is great! However, I would love for you to go back to the beginning to make it more impactful so the reader can be like...OMG...what's going to happen next. For example, when the asteroid hit in the first chapter, I felt that was a little rushed and I didn't get the details of what it looked like and how this impacted the characters emotionally/mentally. I wanted more details there, so I can feel for them. You know what I mean?

So here are some things to think about as you continue writing...What emotions do I want to pull from my readers? How is this impactful? How is life going to be different now?

I hope this helps! I can't wait to see how this develops in a masterpiece!

Happy Writing!

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Interesting Start

This is a good start for this draft. I am curious to see where this will lead and how he will find his mate at this point. I hope to see character development here too. My only advice here is to practice your dialogue so it can be a bit more meaningful. I have trouble with dialogue as well, it takes practice. But practice showing each character their personality with dialogue.

Keep Writing!

-Nsablo

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Interesting Start

I am curious about how this story is going to go. You have an interesting start and I will continue reading. I am curious about how the characters will develop as well! I just have one question. Is this a playwright or an actual novel? Because if it is a novel, I would suggest not writing the dialogue as a playwright. That's a big no-no but it can be easily fixed! I used to write my dialogue like that when I was younger and didn't know how novels were really written. That's the only suggestion I have so far! Keep writing!

-Nsablo

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Wow

Just by reading the first chapter alone, you are a gifted writer! I am already sucked in by the plot and love how the characters are settling in now! I don't really see a lot of werecat stories on here so I am curious to see how this goes!

Don't stop writing!

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I want the characters to grow

You are off to a good start here and I am glad that you have taken something that has been done before to use on your own. But I would love for you to take it to the next level and develop your characters more. What's really drawing the professor to her besides her looks? How does this make your characters grow? So far, I feel that your characters are a little flat and I would like to feel for your characters as if they are real people.

So I hope this helps! Continue writing!

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Wow

This story is horrifyingly good (if that's a word). I am only a few chapters in and I can't wait to finish the rest. I love the fact that is it is in the first person and written well with that too! Erotic, Scary and tanalizingly in a good combination! I can't wait to read the rest later today!

-Happy Writing

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Interesting

Hey love!
This is an interesting start but I am curious how this is going to go as time goes on. I am curious to see how your writing skills develop. I wish these two chapters were clear on setting the tone of the story and grasped my attention. I haven't gotten that yet. My advice to you is to plot out your chapters ahead of time and be clear on what you want to reveal to your readers as well as what emotions you want to put out. That is all for now! I can't wait to see what you can do!

Happy Writing!
-Nsablo

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Wow..I am interested

Hey!
So I am happy you took an old plot and decided to make it your own! I am actually worried about the kids, I am scared they might get hurt! But I am interested in what's the deal with this forest. I am curious. My advice to you is to work on your dialogue and make sure each personality of the character work in their speech. Otherwise, you are on the right track! Will keep an eye on this!

Happy Writing!
-Nsablo

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Alright Start

It is a decent start. I like where you are taking this story but I would love for the beginning of the story to be more enticing. I would love to yearn for more and think "oh my God, what's going to happen next?" I haven't gotten that in the first two chapters. Maybe really think about how you are going to pull your readers along? That's something I would love for you to think about. Push yourself. Why should my readers keep reading? How can I get them to care for my characters?

Just things for you to think about!

Keep Writing!
-Nsablo

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Interesting

Okay, I am at the beginning of the story and it seems good so far. I like the plot so far and I like where you are taking it but I would love for you to give me a setting. Where is this taking place? From my understanding, it may be in India somewhere? Maybe? I am not sure. But in any case, I would love to let me experience where you are as a reader, especially since I have never been. Also, I would like to know the characters more. Why should I want to take this journey with your character? Make me feel for her.

These are things you have to consider for the reader.

Just helpful tips! Happy Writing!

-Nsablo

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Wow very interesting spin

This a very interesting twist. I actually really like that you didn’t make the main character sweet and innocent. Making her a total bitch from the start really makes it interesting and it’s refreshing for me. Now, however, I am curious to see how you will create her character development. How will she change over time? What will make her change?

I am curious what you will do with it!

Keep writing!

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Good Start

This is a good start and curious to see more!

I can definitely feel for the main character and would love to see how this develops. Be mindful of your grammar and sentence structure but I can easily be fixed!

Keep Writing!
-Nsablo

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It has potential

From what I read so far, this story has potential. I like the twist you took for this story to make it different. But from reading the first few chapters, I feel like I don't know the characters too well. I don't mean spill everything about the character(s) in one sitting but reveal a little by little as the story goes on. This will make it easier to follow. Also, keep an eye on your grammar because this can make it hard to read but that can be easily fixed!

Keep writing! I can't wait to see how this develops!

-Nsablo

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Good Idea but I want more

I like the idea you took with the short story. I know it not supposed to be long but I felt that I didn't get all of the characters. They felt very flat and I wasn't sure about who they are as people as well as how important they are to the story. I had a hard time following the story because it didn't grab my interest like I would like it to.

I would advise rethinking this, flesh out your characters a bit more. But this is a good start!

Don't stop writing!

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Love the idea

I love the story idea and I love what you are trying to do with it. But I want you to push yourself further and really think about who are your characters (they seem pretty flat). Ask yourself, why should the readers follow your characters to the end? I read the first few chapters and I don't have a sense of who your characters are and how can I relate?

Just a few tips to help you think as you write and plot! Keep writing!

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I am intrigued

The first chapter is always the key hook to keep the reader interested. I think you have done that pretty well in the first chapter. The chapter left me wanting more and had an eerie feeling to it which I enjoyed. So good job with that!

My only critique so far is that I wish I has an eye what the main characters look like just a bit here. Not to get a full description but to sprinkle it here and there what they look like. I have an idea what the home looks like but I wanted to read a little more about the main female and male lead.

That is all! Good start! I will keep reading!

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