PerryNormal

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The Rage Within

Wow. I am so disappointed. The story was, up until the termination point, phenomenal. Certainly worthy of a professional writer. I even recommended it to someone that is very hard to please when it comes to amateur literature. Sadly, now I shall have to catch them, apologize and advise them that I was wrong and not to waste their time. Your "ending" was akin to taking the flyover at sixty miles per hour and then discovering that the road ended in midair. No answers, no resolutions. From the age of the posting, I take it that there will not be a book 2?

PN

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Hey Partwolf!

I see that you didn't carry over your Were Universe from your last story. So, the public doesn't know and the FBI is clueless. Don't I remember Agent Lockwood from the last story? Oh well, great work as always. PN

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Has Potential....

I'm only on the third chapter, but I am torn as to whether to continue on. You seem to have a very original story and one that has great potential to be a five star story, but... This is the part that no new writer likes to hear. I know, because I have been there. Clearly, English in not your native language. While the imagination that conceives a story, usually, transcends language and culture, idioms and colloquial expressions, often, do not.

There two paths that you could follow. One, write your story in you native language and ask a true speaker of the language that you wish to publish in to translate the story. Work with them to make sure that it is still your story; the one you intended to write. The other path that could help you is to avoid idioms and colloquial expressions to the extent that it is possible. If you must use one, to provide color to your story, then research that phrase very carefully before including it. Having fewer "colorful phrases", but having those that you do use be "spot on" will serve you better.
PerryNormal

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