The Planet at the End of the Universe
Interpreted as what could be rewritten as a script for an actual televised episode of the television series Doctor Who, the story makes for a good shared tale from the Doctor Who universe.
Read the story now
My only recommendations would be descriptions for the Morestrans placed somewhere in the story, for those readers that may not be familiar with the Doctor Who universe in fiction.
Places in the manuscript, where one word stands as a sentence, These can be extended as a pause after the words, with a series of periods. There are also a couple of places where the writing could elaborate further on what is being shared in the story, by adding one or more words to the sentence.
Example: (from manuscript), "Her voice trailed off as the figure moved closer, pausing at the edges of their combined flashlight beams; Its head tilted quizzically, its features shrouded in shadow." In this sentence, as an edit; I placed the word its before the words: head tilted.
This work, by my educated opinion; is a good effort, and the writer is a good story teller. Proof-reading, to make sure the sentences read smoothly; so others can enjoy the writing, this is about the best advice any collaborator in writing today can offer.
Allowing other writers to proof- read the work, this too is a good way to get the best out of a drafted manuscript.