Scarlett James

Easy/Fun Read

You did a really great job with this story! The plot is thorough and quite complex. I would say the best part of this story is the mother-son relationship you introduced between Olivia and her son. It makes the story feel real and allows the reader to immerse themselves into the role of the charters, especially for those who are parents themselves. In regards to your writing style, I thought the way you described the thoughts and feelings of your characters was pretty thorough. I also enjoyed the way you wrote the same scene from the perspective of another character. I think it allowed for a sense of creativity and uniqueness to your writing. There are some punctuation and grammar errors, but nothing too overwhelming. I suggest, maybe, running your story through websites like Grammarly (free to use) to help with that. Overall, good job! Keep writing!

Review

I think overall this was a great story and very well thought out. I love how you portrayed the main character and the sexual tension that is built between her and "Hey." There were times where I felt the story shifted a little bit, especially in some of the areas where you bounced back and forth between her thoughts and the main storyline. There were a few grammatical errors but not enough to leave the reader uninterested. I loved your style of writing, especially for this erotica-themed short story. As an erotica writer myself, I find it can be difficult sometimes to keep the reader engaged throughout the story without being redundant and repetitive with the sexual scenarios but you did an overall great job! Keep writing!