Smiles_Killjoy

Just a girl with stories in her head ✍🏻 ✨Please don’t self promote your stories on my page, I consider that spam and delete them.✨

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Constructive criticism review! Not trying to bring you down at all, just giving feedback

I can’t tell if this is written by a sexually inexperienced person, a juvenile, or if they’re simply uncomfortable with using erotic terms. But if you are advertising your story to be an “erotic adult story” then you should get used to using erotic words.
“My thing” “her bosom” ...
As annoying as the broken English is, I’m not going to get hung up on it, because I’m assuming the author does not speak English fluently; hence the 2 star on grammar and punctuation.
I suggest that maybe you run your chapters through google translate or use a grammar editing site to help you out and to help you achieve more readers and more positive reviews.
Don’t take my review as being mean, I mean only to give constructive feedback to help you grow as a writer.
Overall, this isn’t going to be something I add to my bookshelf, or continue reading as broken English is something that really bothers me, but I’m sure you’ll gain readers.
Don’t be afraid to get more detailed descriptions; what they look like, ie. brown hair etc., what the scene is and where it takes place, who the POV is coming from. It was hard to understand right off if it was from a male perspective or a female. Try picturing it in your head like a movie, and then write what you see.
Don’t give up, and keep writing, I think you’ll get there, you just need to fine-tune your style and writing skills.
🙂

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

His Little Toy

This isn’t the kind of story I generally read, but I am totally loving it.
The story is almost addictive. I love the characters, and really hope Raelyn gets some sort of revenge when it comes to Lucius.
I’m so hoping he ends up falling in love with her and that she breaks free and leaves him heartbroken! That would be the absolute best kind of revenge imo.
I can’t wait for updates on it. I’m only reading a handful of stories and this by far is the one that I’m the most excited for when it comes to updates.
I’m not sure why the reviews and stars are so low for it, or why people are butt-hurt about it being a dark story when it says before you start reading that it’s a dark story.
Kudos to the author, because this is an absolutely fantastic read.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

The Loan Shark’s Prisoner

I read this within a span of 3 days, and it started off really strong, but it started getting ridiculous toward the end. It was a little confusing, and definitely didn’t make sense as to why the main character would choose to be with a man so hateful and abusive other than Stockholm syndrome. I dunno, I have so many unanswered questions with this book which is incredibly frustrating, and is also why I rated it at a 3 star overall.
It seems the author may have forgotten what was going on in the story at parts, since the timeline got disjointed toward the end.
As a writer, I can appreciate that the author is attempting to re-write the story as stated at the end of the book, and I completely understand that things get mistaken or forgotten; however, if you’re going to make such drastic changes, such as completely re-writing and taking in a direction where they all know each other before the events of the story, I think it should be taken down and re-written instead of leaving it up to confuse people.
Overall, I actually did really enjoy this story, the plot was strong, the characters were well rounded, but I just wish that it came together and flowed easier in the second half, and that the ending wasn’t so abrupt, and left me confused, almost as though it wasn’t really the end, but that the author just stopped writing.
I will definitely check out other works by the author, because I enjoyed the writing style of the story, and I do hope that once you’ve re-written it as stated that it will have more body and more explanation as to certain events and characteristics in the story.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Alpha Kane

This started out super strong, with a great plot! I agree with some of the reviews though, it seemed rushed and there wasn’t a whole lot of description with scenes that really needed it.
I enjoyed reading it, although there were quite a few spots where it was confusing trying to decipher what exactly was going on, and there is a section in the last chapter I believe where it seems a huge chunk is completely missing, or needs clarification on what is happening. This is one of those stories that has good bones, and I think once you have the time to, you should go through and re-read it, making notes and refine it. Add in descriptions, settings, characters. Fix the grammar/spelling and proof read it to make sure it flows before uploading it.
Overall, it was a pretty decent read, and I hope you do go over and proof read it and add in those extra details that will really make it pop.
Keep writing, and I’m looking forward to reading it again if/when you go through and make some adjustments, as well as giving your other works a read as well!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good story

Lots of spelling and grammar errors makes it hard trying to decipher what the author is trying to get across, but I’m liking the story so far

Read the story now

No reading lists yet

Followed Reading Lists

No badges received yet

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.