Taylor1004

Boulder, CO

20 year old college student writing for the hell of it. Sko Buffs! My Wattpad is sweeterthanfiction2

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Really Good!

I've never read a story like this before, I generally don't enjoy historical fiction (history was my least favorite subject in school and the only class I've ever gotten a C in lol), but I really enjoyed this story and thought it was a cool concept. I wish more development had been done regarding the characters being a little more concerned about how their actions in the past would affect the future (cause I feel like that would be a huge concern of mine if I were a time traveler, but then again not everyone is like me) However, I think the story still stands well without that development, but I think if you added some of that the story for me would go from four to five stars, just because I think that would add an extra, philosophical layer that would enhance the story. Other than that, great job. Your writing style is very impressive and there weren't any grammar/spelling mistakes that I noticed. Good job!

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Great!

I have to say, I usually don't read stories like these (ironically since the story I'm writing is a fantasy novel). I'm a pretty strict Stephen King style book reader, horror is my jam and if not horror then I like romances; so I don't know if I have much to comment about how this book compares to other fantasy novels since my experience reading this genre is the Twilight books.

I did like the plot though, albeit it is a bit complicated at times; it reminds me a bit of "It" in that sense that there is a lot going on, which some people might not like but I really enjoy.. I think the characters are well developed, although my criticism with that would be there are a LOT of characters. Like Game of Thrones level a lot of characters to the point where I have a really hard time keeping track of who is who and what they're doing because there's just a lot. I think perhaps taking out some characters that aren't as crucial to the story might be helpful? Story plots to me are like a river, you don't want to just have a straight river down the center with no current and no danger (cause what fun would that be?), but you also don't want raging rapids with thousands of twists and turns that the story is complete chaos. I'm not sure if that is a good analogy, but I think you know what I mean. Although, a lot of people like stories like this (Game of Thrones is one of the most popular book/TV franchises in history after all), so take this with a grain of salt I guess.

There were a few moments in the story where you used past tense verbs instead of present tense, but not enough for it to be a recurring problem (so just look out for that when you edit). I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes that were obvious, but a great way to check for those (since the human brain will correct them automatically without actively noticing them) is to use Grammarly, since the computer won't have that same human error we do. The basic version (which is free) should be enough to find the small mistakes with commas and spelling, but the premium version helps with passive voice and eliminating overused words (which I've been finding super helpful in my editing process, so figured I'd share with you)

All in all, I think as you've said this novel has already proven to be a success and so I think you have a lot to be proud of! I'll be happy to see this on New York Time's Bestseller one day or on the center table of a Barnes and Noble! Good luck and keep writing!

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Really Great!

I love the plot and the characters and the brewing love story. I think a lot of romances set in high school can be very cliche (no pun intended on the title haha) but this one has enough twists to that cookie cutter plot to make it an entirely different and unique story to tell. I would like to see a little more development for Naomi and Dimitri, even though they seem to be the villains of the story.

There are a few spelling/grammatical errors, and I'd recommend using Grammarly to help with that - it helps me a lot and makes the editing process much faster and catches things that the human eye might miss.

The other criticism I have is you write in the past tense when the story is happening in the present. For example, instead of saying "Was English class supposed to be this boring?" say "Is English class supposed to be this boring?" Another more generic example would be "I sit" instead of "I sat"

Hope this helps and you have a great story here, so you should be very proud!

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Really Great!

It is obvious that you put a lot of time/effort into imagining this new world. There are so many details that you add that make the world seem real. A lot of utopian/dystopian novels I read don't have that level of detail and specification which can make the new society seem less real, so I really celebrate you on that because I'm super impressed.

I like the characters, they're well developed and have a sufficient amount of trauma that it gives them depth but not too much that it becomes ludicrous. I'm excited for things to heat up!

One criticism I have is I don't think the glossary in the beginning is necessary, I think the readers should maybe figure that stuff out through the protagonist throughout the story rather than it being laid on thick in the first chapter. Maybe incorporate it in dialogue or just narration? It doesn't have to be one dump in the first chapter, but sprinkled throughout the story based on when it comes up. For example, explain what Finders are when they come up in the story rather than having them in the glossary. This is especially important with the characters because the reader should get to know the characters as the protagonist meets them (because you wouldn't know anything about someone till you meet them, right? So they should figure that out WITH the main character not before her), and they should learn these things about Acethea as the story goes on as well because we, as readers, and only now just meeting her and having that experience of figuring it out as we read I think is much more valuable/enjoyable than saying it in the beginning. It's all the showing vs. telling thing if that makes sense; I want to see more showing.

Other than that, I think the story is great! Good job!

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Needs Some Editing

Firstly, I do like the plot of this story, albeit it's a plot that used a lot in romance stories, but y'know if it ain't broke don't fix it. I like the characters, they certainly talk like college students (which a lot of writers who write young people totally miss and make them sound like grown ass adults rather than college students, so you got that nailed). There's just three main problems I have:

1) There is nothing more scary looking that writing that is just in one big block paragraph. I opened the first chapter and thought "dear lord". It's just not aesthetically pleasing, can make it hard to keep track of where you are in the paragraph/sentence, and can be overwhelming. You need to separate into smaller paragraphs and lines.

2) I saw a lot of grammar problems, mostly the use of "you're" vs "your" , and so I think some major editing from the grammar/spelling side of things needs to be done because people notice grammar errors and it delivers a bit of a "shock" if you will to the brain when we process those errors that jolts the reading experience, hence why it's really important to fix them.

3) A lot of writers struggle with showing vs. telling, and this story does a lot more "telling" rather than "showing". It's not as bad as some other ones I've seen, that's for sure, but it needs some work still. You want the reader to figure things out about characters themselves by leaving subtle hints or by an internal dialogue that's more true to what happens in life (our inner dialogue is very rarely so literal or so forthcoming, since we already know these things about ourselves so we wouldn't reiterate it in our mind). So I think that to grow as a writer that's something you need to look into style/plot wise. The other two are very easy fixes and just have to do with physical structure and grammar, which you can easily fix by using grammar/spell check websites. The showing vs. telling is something you're going to need to put more effort into though, but sooo many writers (myself included) struggle with that, so you're certainly not alone!

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Really Great!

I really enjoyed this story, the plot is good and the characters are interesting and I think there is just enough secrecy on what's going on to keep the reader interested but not too much that the reader is just flat out confused. Great job!

My only criticism is that this story hits on one of my pet peeves when I see writing on here: Writing the whole story in italics. It hurts my soul a little bit whenever I see this because as a psych major one of the things we learn about in cog psych is linguistics and how people process and produce verbal and written language. Most of the meaning we get from words/sentences doesn't come from the semantics but instead comes from prosody (which is how we say the words like cadence, sarcasm, stressing certain words, tone, etc). Because of the nature of written language, a lot of the meaning when someone is reading something has to come from the semantics because you aren't speaking it, which is why italics can be extremely useful in providing the reader with an idea of what something means, especially in dialogue, beyond the semantics. For example, take the sentence: "I didn't steal the purse." If I italicize "I" versus italicizing "steal" those two sentences have entirely different meanings and interpretations; thus is the power of including prosody in writing; hence why I die a little when writers don't take that opportunity by italicizing everything. So that'd be my only advice is use the italics to add even more depth to your story!

Beyond that, great job!

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Good Idea, but Needs Work

The plot is really great, but it was honestly quite the struggle for me to get into it because of all the grammar errors. Glaring errors like not add and an '-s' to plural things or using past tense verbs for the present etc make readers stop in their tracks as they read, making the overall read jerky and difficult to get past. Every time I read an error I have to fix it in my head before I can continue, and that makes it really hard to get into the plot and be interested in the characters. That's why I think you really need to go back and fix all these errors, because no matter how great the plot of the story is reader's won't be able to enjoy that plot unless they can have a pleasant reading experience. This story would probably be 5 stars if you could just fix those grammar mistakes! All in all, great job with the plot but some major editing is necessary.

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Spookyyy

I LOVE horror books, Stephen King is one of my all time favorite writers since I'm so obsessed with the horror genre. This book definitely gave me that good suspenseful, pit in your stomach feeling as I was reading. I really like the plot and the characters are relatable. Only two critiques: The dialogue is a little choppy and not natural, I feel like teenagers would be cussing/not speaking so formally. Also, there are huge paragraphs that I think you need to separate out just for aesthetic reasons. When people look at a page and just see huge paragraph after paragraph they can get overwhelmed and start skipping through, so to make sure readers read every line make sure you separate paragraphs (they shouldn't be more than maybe two three sentences per chunk, unless it's a monologue that you can't really separate). But that's only for aesthetic appeal. Besides those two things, great story!

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I Love the Idea

Alright, so you've got a great idea. I love that you're talking about an issue that does scare a lot of people and it's very relevant and I was immediately gravitated towards the plot since I can relate to it since I'm growing up in this "Trump America" dynamic. Although, I found the sentences a little choppy and not very descriptive. I could've used a little more backstory on the war and what happened and stuff like that. The dialogue is good and the characters are believable, I just found the writing choppy and I think it would help if you had less simple sentences and replaced them with compound/complex sentences to add more detail and so it flows more. Other than that, I like it!

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Awesome!

I loved this! It kind of reminded me of this book series I love (even though your plot was pretty different) but this is really great! Only thing I would add is a little more description on their looks (if you have trouble describing faces and body types I found this wiki how thing that walks you through all the steps so if you want I can send you the link cause I had a lot of trouble with describing the way people looked) though overall I love it :)

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Loved!

Hey! I really liked this story! I love the plot and I found myself able to relate to the character. Only criticism is I can tell that u write fanfiction (my writing is the same cuz I wrote a lot of fanfic) so it's structured a lot like a fanfiction which is good, but not as "professional" as a novel. Though I honestly really liked this! I love how you began every chapter with a quote, that's super unique :)

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Good!

I'm not sure what the plot of this book is going to be yet, since it's only chapter five as of this review, and I can't really tell where it's going. I think the characters are likable and I'm glad you didn't put in an almost recap of the last book in the second one through dialogue or narration (I see that a lot in sequels and always thinks it's strange since the characters don't know it's the sequel lol), so I appreciate that. I think there are some problems with slipping to past tense when you should be writing in the present tense, but that happens to everybody. There are a couple word choice and grammar mistakes that Grammarly would help you a lot with, so I'd recommend getting the basic version (it's free) or you can buy the premium version (I have that and it helps a lot with editing)

All in all, good job!

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Good Start

I can see where the plot is going, although this trope is used a lot in romance books so I'm hoping you add a twist to make it more unique/original; but since it's only five chapters in I can't really tell. The narration needs to be fixed a little, I think the narration is a little too casual, but then again everyone's inner dialogue sounds different, so it might work if you clean up the verb tenses a bit. You write in the past tense when the book occurs in the present, which makes it strange to read because it sounds like everything is happening in the past - So I think that's a really important thing to fix so the plot can be appreciated more.

Good work!

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Good!

I've never read a story like this, and I was pleasantly surprised with how much I enjoyed the plot. I think Algea is well developed and the plot is very interesting.

My main critique is that you use past tense verbs when the story is happening in the present. For example, instead of writing "I hated barbecue" it should be "I hate barbecue"; this way the story is more immersive because it's happening as the reader reads rather than in the past.

If you fix that then this story will be even better than it already is! Good job!

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Good Start!

I think the plot is a good idea, although somewhat overused in workplace romance stories. I like the incorporation of the Slavic language, but one thing I thought was strange is the characters are adult professionals in the workplace and they speak/think as if they are teenagers. I think the narration and the dialogue needs to be more true to the age of the characters and setting the conversations are taking place in, just to make it more realistic. That made it somewhat hard to read for me since I just couldn't get myself into it in that way.

Other than that, I did like the story I just think that part needs to be edited.

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Great Start!

I really like the plot, albeit it is a somewhat overused trope, but then again if it ain't broke don't fix it. I won't comment much on the grammatical/spelling issues since I'm sure you're already aware of those (and I'd recommend Grammarly to help you, I use it and it works AMAZING. I have the premium version, but the basic version that is free helps a lot with commas and spelling mistakes so that'll be good enough).

My only other criticism that I don't think I've seen from other people is that you write the entire story in past tense, even though stories occur in the present. To create an immersive experience, you need to make the reader feel like they're watching as the events are unfolding; hence why it's important to use the present tense. Obviously, if the character is thinking/talking about something that happened in the past then use the past tense, but for the rest of the story use present. (Ex: instead of "I sat in the chair" say "I sit in the chair")

Good luck and hope this helps!

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As of Right Now, I Enjoy

Okay, I'm writing this review as of chapter 6. I wasn't sure what to rate this story because technically speaking the writing is great. You're talented, and the plot is enthralling I just... Am having a bit of an issue.

I think someone already bought up in the comments that there seems to be a predatory/stomach-sickening relationship between the characters when he is making out with her as a teen while she is a child. Also, he raped her. He literally raped her. I've been raped and I know what it feels like to be around your abuser because I had to have classes with mine for the four years we were in high school together. I sat one seat away from him in chemistry class a little less than a year after it happened; it's traumatizing and it took me till even now to recover (albeit, the process is going to last me a lifetime - rape isn't something a person ever forgets). Hence why this plot and the way it can go worries me. I hate books that depict a woman falling in love with a man who rapes her. That's abuse not love, and I surely hope that's not where this is heading, because that's just a bad message to send to young victims and to young men. Romanticizing rape and abuse is never okay, and so I hope that's not where the story is headed, but since it's only six chapters in I can't exactly tell. If that is where you're planning on taking the story, I'd maybe reconsider - as writers we are accountable for the messages we send in our story, and sexualizing rapists/abusers isn't a good message to send; and that's coming from a victim. It hurts to see that kind of stuff out there because my experience was harrowing, not sexy, and women should be empowered to leave their abusers rather than think they should fall in love with them because they can "change them". I'm on a soap box right now, so I'll get off because I think you understand my point.

So, hopefully, a different love interest comes into play for Emmerson (although, falling in love with another man won't solve her problems; at the end of the day she needs to rescue herself, not a man rescuing her; which is another trope in books involving rape that makes my stomach twinge a little since I thought all my problems would be solved if I could just get a man to love me... Guess how that worked out? lol) Anyways, just keep that in mind. Survivors are important to keep in mind when writing about these things, so just be cognizant of the message you're sending and hopefully, that's the way this story is heading! As a survivor, I love seeing stories that have some representation of my story in them - But when it's told in the way it actually happens and gives a healthy depiction of recovery (and since realistically a lot of people do unhealthy things to solve their problems (like me when I initially tried to fix my abuser + stayed with him for months), then have those unhealthy things have the negative consequences (like me when he never changed and the abuse escalated) they have in real life; if that makes sense?) I'll stop now, so if you have any questions feel free to ask!

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Great!

I think the plot is excellent and I love the characters. I didn't notice any glaring grammatical errors, so good job with the editing! For future help in your writing with editing, I'd recommend using Grammarly - The basic version is free and it helps me a lot with catching little things (punctuation, spelling) that sometimes slip past during proofreading; and it just speeds the process up a whole lot.

A few things I think would be good to change: Firstly, some of your non-dialogue paragraphs are very long and should perhaps be shortened by either taking out unnecessary parts or splitting them into two. Just for aesthetic/readability reasons

On that same note, I think the dialogue should just be in one paragraph rather than split up, and I don't think the dialogue needs to be italicized. Italics are really helpful in adding emphasis in certain words, especially in dialogue, so I think wasting that tool by making the entire dialogue italic is a mistake just because most of the mean from words come from tone/body language/etc rather than just the words themselves; hence why using italics can be so helpful.

Other than that, I really enjoyed the read and think you're doing a great job, keep it up!

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Great Start!

I'm reviewing this at Chapter 1, so I'm not sure how the rest of the story/characters will develop. From what I read, you are a very talented writer who is great at action sequences. I was honestly a little confused as to what was going on with that trashcan, so maybe some more explanation is needed as to what was happening with all this futuristic technology, but perhaps you'll be explaining that in future chapters. The characters are interesting and I can sense perhaps a little romance brewing, but we shall see. I think this is a great start and if the story continues this way then this is a five star for sure!

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Good Start

I like the idea of the story, and I like that you've put enough of a twist on it to make the "mates don't like each other at first but then do" a unique idea; since a lot of werewolf stories I see like that don't have much else to the plot besides that. There were a couple of issues I noticed. Firstly, I think you should have actual chapter names rather than having them named after whose POV it is (you can just put that in bold at the top of the chapter when the POV switches), because having a chapter name is something that is important when publishing a book and for people to have just a little teaser of what that chapter will be about before they read it.

Also, as far as style goes, you write a lot in the past tense when the story is occurring in the present, so I think it'd be beneficial to go back and change those verbs to be present rather than past tense. Also, some of your paragraphs can get a little long, so it would be a good idea to break some of them up into two or just shorten a few of them of anything unnecessary just for aesthetic/readability purposes.

All in all, good work!

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Great Work!

I really like the plot, I think it's unique and not at all like other stories I've read in the past within the fantasy genre. I like that you include elements of other genres as well (romance, action, a bit of mystery/suspense. I think your characters are interesting + three dimensional. My only critique is the writing style needs a little bit of work. You write a lot in past tense when the story is happening in the present, so I think that'd be something worth going back and changing. I also think some of your paragraphs can get a little long, so separating them or just shortening them would be helpful just for aesthetic/readability reasons.

All in all, great job!

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Excellent!

This story was captivating and extremely well written. There weren't many grammatical errors or problems with style. My only pointer would be to try to write in present tense rather than past tense; you seem to slip in and out of it (I have the same problem, so I feel you on that, I think people tend to revert back to that because a lot of school writing is in the past tense)

I always get a little worried when rape and violence are in romance books, because as a victim of rape and intimate partner violence myself I hate seeing women fall in love/stay with men who rape or beat them; its not a good message to send. I also hate when romance books have a raped and abused women be saved by the hero love interest (cause that's not what happens in real life) and I think you've handled that topic very well. I like that the rape and violence is more of a peripheral plot point rather than directly within Grayson and Elenor's relationship, although they do allude to Grayson hitting her (but I guess that's just the time period, but as a writer its important to be cognizant of your audience and the message being sent when you're writing about relationships if that makes sense) but I think you're doing very well with the subject and have handled it well.

All in all, this is a great read and you should be very proud of your work!

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Enjoyable!

I think this plot is one that you see a lot, but if it ain't broke don't fix it - So I think it really works well, and you've added just enough uniqueness to make it so it's not like the rest of the stories with a similar plot. I like that you have a more modern setting rather than sticking with a medieval/old-timey type of setting. My only two criticisms would be that Elle almost seems too perfect. I think people always have flaws, there no such thing as a person who doesn't have some type of imperfection. Everyone can be annoying and everyone has personality traits that are less than favorable; so I think a little more development for her character needs to happen to show those flaws, but perhaps that will happen more later in the story.

Also, I think the chapters are pretty short at times, so maybe combining some chapters or adding to some of them would just make it not so quick.

All in all, I really liked this read and think with a little development it can go from being a good book to a great one!

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Editing Needed

I think the plot is good, but I am having a hard time immersing myself in the story because of the grammatical/punctuation errors. I'd recommend using Grammarly, it's a really fast and easy way to fix these kinds of issues and the basic version is free. Throughout reading the story I was a little confused as to whose POV is whose and what exactly was going on, but I caught on eventually - So maybe a little more clarity on that is needed?

Otherwise, I think the bones of this story is good, just some editing is needed so that readers can really appreciate the plot.

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Awesome!

I really like this story, it's super unique! It took me a while to get used to the Irish (since I'm an English speaker and only really have experience in French, Latin, and Spanish as far as foreign languages go) and your writing style is really unique. The style did take me a while to get used to and to understand, but once I did I really enjoyed it and thought it really adds to the story. I love that you're creating an LGBTQ+ love story, and I think you're writing that aspect of the story in a very interesting way!

My only criticism would be that you punctuate quotes using single quotation marks ' ' instead of double " " which is grammatically probably okay, but it leaves me a little confused as to when people are speaking vs thinking vs translating. So I think If you could change the dialogue to have the double quotes then it'd be a little easier to figure out which is which.

All in all, awesome job!

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Good, but Needs Editing

The main probelm this story has is the grammatical errors; they make it hard to read, but you premise the story stating you're working on it so it's good you have it under control. I'd recommend using Grammarly, the basic version will help make the editing process much quicker and easier for you, but I think the premium version would do a lot to help you with some of the formatting/sentence structure issues/fluency issues. Either version you choose, I think it'll help you a lot.

That being said, I think this plot for werewolf stories is common, so I'm hoping to see some twists that give the story some more originality. That being said, this type of plot is common in werewolf books for a reason; so if it ain't broke maybe don't fix it?

I think this story has the potential to be very good if you can fix the technical stuff, but every writer goes through an awkward transition from beginner to experienced, so don't give up!

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Good, but Needs Work

Since I'm reviewing this pretty early into the story, the plot hasn't been fully developed yet, but I can see some problems that are bound to arise. I think you have too many main characters. I used to write a lot of 5sos fanfiction when I was younger, so I'd have stories with eight characters and they're just so difficult to manage. I've learned through writing fanfiction that it's best to keep the main character list down to maybe two or three unless it's absolutely necessary (ex: The Stand by Stephen King; he had around I think 6 main characters in that book and it's because they were all in different spots throughout the country when a deadly plague broke out; that book was also 1100 pages long lol; longer than It), so I think maybe you should slim the character number down and really only focus on one person and have the other women as supporting characters and maybe get rid of two of them altogether. Too many characters can lead to a lot of characters written okay, but if you just focus on one or two then those one or two character will be written very well. Quality over quantity.

That's really my only criticism, but obviously that's just my opinion and you know your story best, but I'd take it into account because it can cause problems, deeper into the story especially.

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Plot Needs Work

Okay, I'm going to be completely honest. As a victim of sexual/physical abuse at the hands of a man myself, I really hate reading stories that depict victims as weak and in need of a man to rescue them; especially if that man is cold/callous and a borderline abuser themselves. It just puts out a really unhealthy narrative that I see a lot in werewolf stories that glorify abusive relationships and sexualizes victims. That being said, I think your heart is in the write place and you're not trying to glorify abuse/sexualize victims or anything like that. So, my advice would be twofold:

1) I want to see the female lead as a heroine, not a damsel in distress. Obviously, abuse breeds trauma so I wouldn't expect her to be totally fine at al - in fact, I really like the idea that she can't speak becuase a lot of victims of abuse to experience that. I would like to see some more aspects of PTSD in her character to really drive that through, but not in a "look how pathetic she is she needs the Alpha to save her", but more from the standpoint of she has survived something awful and now needs to find a way to find herself again; and rather the Alpha doing that for her, he needs to stand by her. I want to see a lot of growth with her that comes from within her. Obviously, she's going to not be strong at first (I certainly wasn't), but I also wasn't a damsel, and jumping right into a relationship after abuse is NEVER a good idea, but that reality can be suspended for the story.

2) I would change Caine's character a little bit. I think that the trope of "tough guy turns soft" is used a lot in werewolf stories, and that premise in and of itself can be good. There's a fine line though between "tough" and "abusive", and I think this story really teeters on that line, especially when the protagonist suffered severe trauma. I think maybe if Caine has his own trauma that also makes him more reserved and unfeeling, that's okay, but perhaps not aggressive? That way abuse isn't glorified or sexualized; and you should show him as seeking help for any borderline abusive behavior as he doesn't want to hurt his mate, sees he has a problem, and does something real to fix it.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but just from my perspective as a survivor of rape and intimate partner violence, stories like these really trigger that trauma for me, and makes me feel like I'm not being depicted in a good light. IDK if any of this makes sense, please let me know if you have any questions because I think the writing is amazing - you're very talented, that's for sure - I just think the plot/characters need to be changed.

Also, I'm a little confused as to why they blame her for her own parents' /packs' deaths? It seems like kind of a leap, so maybe make them mad at her for a different reason? But I guess a crazed Alpha who would abuse people like that it's super logical, so maybe make him make up a reason to the pack for them to hate her so they get on the hate train, even though it's not true and he's really just a sadistic weirdo.

Don't be discouraged by this please, I'm just being brutally honest from my point of view and you can of course disagree with everything I'm saying, because it is just my perspective and probably not everybody's.

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Really Good

I really love the plot and I love that the main character is a strong, confident female. A lot of werewolf stories depict the female character as feeble, broken and in need of saving by the strong Alpha, which is definitely not how this story is. I love that! My only problem, and the reason I gave this four instead of five stars, is that this story is written entirely in past tense. Even from third person, a story is happening in the present (unless you're talking about past events) and so it should be written in present tense. When an entire book is written in the past it doesn't feel as immersive; I want to feel like this is happening in front of me rather than behind me, if that makes sense? Also, when you write everything in past tense it's hard to distinguish what's really happening in the present and when you are explaining something that happened in the past for the characters. Lots of writers default to past tense and this is a super common problem I see, and thankfully it's easily fixed! If you fix that, this story will for sure be a five star!

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Awesome!

Okay, first of all, why couldn't I have had a really hot guy to have a pandemic romance with???? This is unfair, I'm suing 2020 because this year has been a dumpster fire and this book has reminded me just how single I am (as if the Bachelorette finale last night didn't do that already though, lol) So, with that being said, I love the plot. Way to turn this horrible year into something positive by channeling some creative energy; that's what I've been doing to keep sane during the pandemic, so I applaud you for that. I love your style, the dialogue is relatable, flirty, and fun. I will say the trope of the "untamable fuckboy" is used a lot (and in real life, never try to tame the fuckboy; been there done that it never works, but we can suspend reality for the book's sake), but because of the setting in lockdown that gives this story some uniqueness that it really needs since there are sooo many stories with similar plots, so again good job on that. Only criticism is you write a lot in past tense when the story is happening in the present. Also, I saw a lot of grammatical errors, but nothing that can't be fixed. Since the errors are pretty small ones, I'd recommend using Grammarly (the basic version is free and that's really all you need to fix the grammar stuff), but I have the premium version and that helps me a lot with the more complicated stuff. Anyways, great job and here's to hoping 2021 doesn't suck as much as 2020 did!

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Good Bones, but Needs Work

I think your idea is great. This reads to me like a dream/daydream you had and decided to turn into a book, which is honestly where some of the best ideas come from. Maybe you imagined just one scene from the book in your dream and were like "huh, that'd be kinda cool in a book" and I love that this book has that almost dream-like quality to it; but maybe that's just me.

Problem is, the grammar/style take away from that dream-like state. The dialogue is pretty robotic and not very human-sounding; which makes it a little hard to read. Especially for a romance book where romantic, eloquent language helps create that sort of tone. Also, you only write in past tense; if a book is happening in the present then write using the present tense. When everything is in past tense it sounds choppy and non-immersive.

So, all in all, I think you have one of the most important parts of the story writing process perfected; which is the idea (hence why the story has good bones), but I think some work needs to be put into making that idea a reality. Something that really helps me is Grammarly; I bought the premium version which helps with passive/active voice, word choice, tense, etc; but the basic version (which is free) is a great start that will help with punctuation and basic grammar and a little bit of word choice/vocabulary.

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Really Good!

I really like the plot, the characters, and the scenery description. I've never read a story like this, so I appreciate how unique it is. The problem I saw that made it somewhat hard for me to read was that a large portion of the story is written in passive voice. When writing, you want to use active voice. For example: instead of "I walked into the large room" you write "I walk into the large room". That way the reader has the experience of being in real time with the character; the events are happening as they read it. Obviously, it's okay to use passive voice if you're describing something that happened in the past; for example "yesterday, he walked in the large room" because you wouldn't really be able to write that in active voice, but when something is happening in the present, use active voice; it will improve your writing a lot and create a more immersive experience! Beyond that, great job!

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Awesome!

Hi, sorry it took me so long to review this, but it's finally here! I really enjoyed the plot and the characters and the story is very well written. I can tell you put a lot of thought into this story, which I love to see! My only criticism would be that stylistically your vocabulary is almost too large. Sometimes a simpler word is better than a fancy one; you need to have a good mix of both and I think you tend to lean more on the fancy, big word side which can alienate a lot of readers who may not have as large of a vocabulary. That would be my only criticism and I think that's something that can be very easily fixed. Beyond that, great job!

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Really Good!

I really like your style and there weren't many grammar or punctuation errors which is great! My only criticism is that with a lot of stories there's a struggle between when to start revealing the plot or certain secrets or have some sort of long awaited thing happen. With most books I read they do these things too fast and reveal too much too soon or have characters instantly fall in love. With this story I found it almost happening too slow... I'm a fan of a good build up, but I think that in order to keep readers interested you need to maybe speed things up a little bit cause I found myself wanting to skip chapters to get to "the good stuff" y'know? So I think maybe speeding it up a little bit would be beneficial. Otherwise, the story is great and I really love your style and the complexity of your characters!

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Amazing!

I love the plot and I am so excited to read what comes next! Only criticism is that there are a lot of grammar/word choice mistakes, but with some editing or a Beta Reader those can be easily fixed! Great job and I can't wait to see what happens!

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AMAZING

I made the mistake of reading this before bed... Looks like I'll have to watch some cute puppy videos now. The writing is amazing, the plot is intriguing, and the character seems to have depth and complexity. I'm really excited to see where things go!

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Really Great!

I really liked this book! It had a great plot and kept me interested the whole time and there weren't very many grammar or spelling errors! Only criticism is you use a lot of simple sentence starters and so it becomes somewhat monotonous, so I would have liked to see a little more variety in sentence structure. Besides that, great job!

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Amazing!

Wow! First of all, great plot! The writing is amazing and very captivating and the characters are likable and complex. Your style is great and kept me engaged through ever chapter. I can't wait to see what happens next! I've never read a story quite like this so I'm excited. Also, there weren't any grammar/spelling errors that I saw which is great! Keep up the good work!

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Great Plot!

I've really enjoyed what I've read so far! I do, however, wish that the dialogue wasn't italicized. To me italics are for adding emphasis on certain words so that you can shift what that sentence means, or for when you're indicating someone's inner voice etc, but I think when you just italicize all dialogue it doesn't add much and takes away the opportunity to use it for emphasis. That would really be my only critique. Otherwise, the plot is amazing and you can tell there was a lot of thought/love put into this! Great job :)

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Very Intrigued!

Hi! I have to say I really like the idea of this story and the first chapter really hooked me! I think if you went more into depth about the character's feelings then it'd be even better, and I was slightly confused as to why from Jax's POV it's always "the boy____" while when it's Oliver's POV it's "I____" but I kinda like the contrast :)

All in all, I think it's a really great story and definitely a great starting point!

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Review

Okay, well, this isn't really my genre (I'm 16, so if my parents found out I was reading erotica I'd be grounded for a year), though sometimes I read fanfiction smut (though they're usually pretty short even if some are graphic), so a whole book with a sort of 50 Shades feel was a little weird for me, but I'm sure for people who really like this kind of erotica this is really good! I like the plot, it's intriguing and I like how you added the twist of her past instead of just having the cliche submissive girl with dominant business guy.

All in all I thought it was good, just I had to skip some parts

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