Interesting and Alluring
It's an interesting concept you're working with! Your writing style is flowery and draws in the reader. However, in the fairytale-like style, it's easy to forget grammar and punctuation rules. I found typos and errors along the way, but none of it is too big to not favorite the story. You have my vote!
Read the story nowA Beautiful Find
As I read this, I could actually see it all. While I loved the story-line and how you executed it, it could use some polishing up. I found typos and shifts in the writing tense, but those can be corrected or skipped over. I loved this story and its pace, as Ben is slowly introduced to the Dark Side, and how you made his and Rey's relationship. I sympathized greatly for Ben in the first scene where his feelings were a discord of anger and disbelief. You made the characters as they are supposed to be; very human!
Thank you for publishing such a wonderful story! I loved it all the way through!
