Anthony Pennyfeather

This is a decent start

I like to form my reviews by listing what I liked, followed by what can be improved, and finishing with my final thoughts. What I liked : 1. The darker tone of the plot so far sets the stage for a story with a heavy handed theme. 2. This world feels bigger than life and it seems as though we are only shown a fraction of it. 3. The Characters seem to have well defined goals and roles within this world (basically they know where they are going and what they are doing and have the motiviation they need to continue.) What can be improved? 1. There were numerous instances of missing articles (an article being a word to define a noun i.e. The, A, An, etc...) 2. There were also a few instances where there were missing quotations to show the beginning or ending of some speech. 3. The scenes were described well and left plenty of room for the readers imagination to breathe, but don't be afraid to give more details to things of importance. 4. The pacing. You introduced a wide cast of characters very early in the first few chapters especially without spending much time on the Focal point characters i.e. I am not sure if the daughter or the mother in the first chapter are intended to be the focal point. Having a large cast of characters is perfectly fine but it helps to establish a relationship between the reader and the key characters so that their names and personalities can be imprinted into the readers mind. When you introduce a character say "Mudders" for example I as a reader want to be familiar enough withthem by the end of that chapter so that 3 or 4 chapters down the road when their name is mentioned I remember the character and know what to sort of expect with them. Final thoughts, this is a wonderful story so far and it seems that there is a much grander story hidden within your imagination. There seem to be som many details large and small that you have in mind for this world, and its characters, and the story itself that they are just impatiently trying to burst through onto the page! This is a great thing and is always exciting as a writer but I think it would help you quite a lot to develop an outline of sorts to help put all of your intricate details, characters, places, and plot points onto a page so that you can take some time to refine each of them. Excellent start and don't let criticisms discourage you, you have the potential to be a phenomenal writer!

This was really impressive!

This was really well written and had me on the edge of my seat throughout! The twist at the end was expertly done as well! For just being a short story there was alot of passion in the writing and it was very evident from the start. This could very well have been a full novel! It felt reminiscent of the "Goosebumps" books for me. There were some small errors throughout but these had no impact on the writing itself. Really well done! Keep up the great work!

This is incredibly well done!

I write my reviews by giving points of what I liked, followed by what I feel can be improved, and then finishing with my final thoughts. Things I liked : 1. The characters are very well fleshed out. They feel complete and real which can be surprisingly difficult to accomplish. 2. Your imagery was incredible. I was able to imagine the scenes as they were laid out with pretty vivid detail! 3. The plot was compelling, and suspenseful this felt rather professional. What can be improved? I only have one note here really which is just that you missed a few letters on some words throughout, and there were a few missing pieces of punctuation. (This is to be expected thoughespecially in a first draft) Final thoughts: This type of story isn't actually something I would typically read (that takes nothing away from this however) I am not a huge fan of werewolves and vampires. That being said this work is amazing I am very highly impressed with the work you have done here! Keep at it this has phenomenal potential!

WOW!

I like to write my reviews by pointing out things I of writing I aspire to by things to improve and finishing with my final thoughts. So things I liked ; 1. This is expertly written! I mean I am in awe this is the level of writing I aspire to! 2. Excellent details of environment and descriptors it paints enough of a picture to allow my imagination to fill the gaps and breathe! 3. The suspense that is being built is incredible I could feel the fear right along with the character! For what can be improved ; 1. Chapters are a bit short which is perfectly fine but I really only complain because I would love to read lengthier chapters with your writing style! 2. You have allowed a ton of room for imagination to breathe but adding a few more details wouldn't hurt but as I am sure you know too much detail can be suffocating and stifle the story. I don't really have anything more to give in ways of improvement. I am honestly in awe and very impressed with your writing here. Keep it up this has the potential to become an incredible work!

I loved the book.

The story was excellent. It was full of drama and plenty of twists that kept me pretty well in suspense! So, I want to write a review in the format where I list the things that I loved and then the things that could use improvement, and finally give my overall thoughts. So, as for what I loved 1. Kal's character was well fleshed out and had a good amount of growth and transformation throughout the book. 2. Telling the story through multiple perspectives following each of the key characters throughout their journey. 3. The reveal in the final chapter left a good closing note to the story and left it open for a followup. As for the thigs that could have used improvement, 1. The introductory chapter could gave used a bit more work when setting the stage, just in the sense that itfelt a little rushed and there was kind of a sporadic nature to it that made it a bit difficult to read and process. 2. Sometimes less is more, it is always great to be descriptive, but you should always leaves plenty of room for the readers imagination to breathe. 3. Some minor grammatical and spelling errors, I am not perfect and make plenty of those myself. This is also to be expected in the first draft of a story so just a bit of cleanup work. Finally my thoughts overall. You have a great talent as a writer and I can tell this was a passion project for you. It was really well written and I think with a bit more work this could easily be an excellent novel. Don't give up and don't let negative reviews and comments color your opionion of your work. Take criticism with a grain of salt and if there is some critcism that bothers you don't be discouraged, use it constructively to build on what you already have. Great story and a fun read and I look forward to seeing you grow as a writer. If I may ask at this point. I would greatly appreciate if you could take the time to read some of my work and give me some feedback as well. Wish you well and hope you have a great day! -Kenneth Carr