Suze Wilde

The Edge of the Worlds: The illusion of Normalcy

I've only read the first chapter, so my review is based entirely on that. You've created an intriguing world where beings from other dimensions have become part of everyday life. I like the idea of the Rifts and the agency responsible for monitoring them. There's plenty of imagination here, and the murder investigation introduces an interesting mystery. I found the opening chapter rather long, though, with quite a lot happening and a considerable amount of information to take in. The explanations interrupted the flow of the story, and I would have enjoyed discovering some of the background details more gradually as well as getting to know the characters through their interactions rather than being told so much about them. The mystery surrounding Kitty's death and Adam's suspicious behaviour made me curious. You've clearly put a lot of thought and imagination into creating this world, and there's an interesting story taking shape. The plot certainly has potential, although it's too early for me to judge how it will develop. These are just my personal impressions of the opening chapter, rather than a judgement of the novel as a whole. I wish you all the best with your story and your writing journey! ❤️

The secret of the fading sparks

This is such a sweet and imaginative children’s book. I read all six chapters and thoroughly enjoyed the world the author has created. The descriptions are wonderfully creative, and every character is introduced with thought and meaning. There’s a lovely sense of adventure and whimsy throughout, and I especially enjoyed all the little imaginative details woven into the story. A very cute and charming read.

Perspective

I only read eight chapters, but the premise is intriguing. One thing I noticed, though, is that the narration sometimes reinforces a point after it has already come through clearly in the scene. A character’s feelings, motivations or observations are shown through their actions but then explained again afterwards. There are also moments where the same character trait or idea is established several times across consecutive scenes. Chapter 8 is a good example. We already understand that Kabir feels responsible for what is about to happen, and the line, ‘Whatever happened on Sunday, some part of it would always belong to him,’ reinforces that perfectly. But this is then followed by further thoughts about his daughter, his mother and what the consequences might cost him before he finally makes the call. For me, the point had already landed. I also found the transition into Chapter 6 quite sudden. After spending the first five chapters predominantly with Sam and establishing his ordinary life, Chapter 6 abruptly shifts to Kabir. Although his introduction is interesting, it made me realise how long it had taken to reach the central premise of the story. By Chapters 7 and 8, there is still no sign of Sam, and he was the character I was immediately invested in. Kabir’s storyline is interesting and clearly important, particularly as this is where the larger Rudrakul/Yadivakul conflict finally begins to emerge, but spending three consecutive chapters away from Sam made the shift feel quite pronounced and highlighted how long it had taken to reach the central conflict.

Neah - The destined Luna

Easy to read with a nice flow and natural dialogue. The chemistry between the characters comes through strongly, and there’s plenty of tension to keep the story moving. Looking forward to seeing how everything develops.

The Sea hides Callides'Calls

Hello there, I saw you message and thought I would give it a quick read. Don't be offended but I got through the first half of Chapter 1 and stopped. It didn't hook me. It felt like an information dump. It is a narrative. There is nothing wrong with your writing style and vocabulary, I would just start the story off differently. Much love and Big HUGS

Ismene

Sweet, short story. The author has a wonderful ability to convey a scene with very few words, making excellent use of vocabulary. I would have liked a little more expansion on whose footprints were outside the window. Who was watching them? I was expecting a twist. Lovely ending. I could literally see it in my mind!

The Last Lamb of Swanson St

This is already strong. I’d just tighten a few sentences for flow and clarity: “As a fellow KDrama enthusiast, I really like the concept. The coin siphons luck, which begs the question: why didn’t it do so for Mr. Wu? I like your writing style and your metaphors are brilliant. Solid world building and descriptions as Maya moves through different locations. You can almost feel the grime and neglect in the dementia unit. Maya’s character is accepting but not defeatist, showing the backbone she’ll presumably need when dealing with Mr. Chen. (Did you base him on Arthur Chen?) Your first couple of chapters are quite long, so I would consider splitting them. I mentioned in one of the comments that you write in first person but occasionally have paragraphs that slip into third-person omniscient. I would either remove those paragraphs or fully commit to third-person omniscient. For aesthetics, I’d also try to keep paragraph sizes reasonably consistent, especially for readers on phones. All in all, a great start and I look forward to the next chapter.”

Arielle

You posted your story on Review Me, and to be honest, it was the book cover that pulled me in rather than the title. Your first sentence hooked me: “They came for her memories.” I only read the prologue, but your writing is compelling and cinematic. Writing goes hand in hand with portraying feeling, and yours comes through beautifully. Although the concept isn’t new, the mystery drew me in. No issues with grammar and punctuation. Your prologue is quite long, and I’d hesitate to give the reader that much information upfront. I would consider leaving out Carla and Carlos’s roles to build more tension. Keeping Carlos as a bystander—simply observing—could make the moment more impactful and preserve the mystery. For ease of reading, I would shorten some of the paragraphs (many followers read on phones). This is just my opinion. Other than that, I highly recommend it—well done!

Office Collar

Saw your post on Review me. The first chapter had me hooked. Very compelling and just enough detail to pull you in. Pacing and language were perfect. Margaret's emotions come through nicely. I recommend!

Bound by Moonlight

I saw your request on Review Me and read the first six chapters. You have a unique idea and a strong plot line, but it doesn’t fully come to the fore. You’re writing in first person, but your chapter POV is unclear. Introducing characters with a touch of background would make the reading smoother. I found myself going back and forth trying to figure out who was who. You introduce no fewer than six characters in the first three chapters, some with very similar names (Sera, Maya, Cara, Kael, Jax, Lena). The world-building is minimal. From chapter three onward, there are large spaces that disrupt the reading flow. In chapter four, Kael tears through his father’s study looking for hidden letters, but there’s no indication of how he knew they existed. Please don't be upset, I am not criticizing, just giving you an honest opinion. Rewritten this could hit the Galatea algorithm. Big hugs!