Falling for the Fighter
The one thing really holding this book together, is the plot. I like how the characters interact with each other and it does give you interest in what Andrea will do next as well as other characters. I really enjoy the dynamics with her friend and family. So good job on that.
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That being said, I think you suffer from common issues that many novice writers suffer from. I won’t get into grammatical errors because while your first few chapters contain quite a few, they are minor and can be easily fixed with a few rereads or an editor. What I’m really concerned about is how your characters can become boring because of how you oversimplify how they talk to the reader. For instance, in the first chapter alone, Andrea says she’s thinking about the meaning of her latest painting, and here comes that dreaded ‘because’, all her paintings have meanings. Why say something so obvious? Another time in the second chapter, she says she painted a space theme on the black BECAUSE it looks more realistic. I think this is a shining example of where “show don’t tell” comes into play. Instead you can describe HOW she makes it look more realistic? What colors does she use? How does she feel as she’s painting it? What kind of brush strokes does she use? You reinforce the fact that she’s a painter, but there nothing behind it besides her really saying “I made a painting.” Let the readers minds wander a little with some descriptions, you know? You don’t have to explain every action they do. I would have enjoyed the part where she pranked her brother with a fake spider more if you explained how he screamed, how he sounded. For example, was it a shrill scream, like a child? Did he flinch so hard the fake spider came flying off him? “He shrieked bloody murder” is okay, but can be described so much better. Work on your descriptions of how characters react to each other, there’s always a better way to reword something and have so much more feeling behind it instead of “she yelled, he cried, he sounded sad or unhappy” you spend to much time explaining instead of showing it through their actions. You have potential and you can definitely get better as a writer. Work on it!