Alan

Love reading, love writing!

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Solid Suspense

Good job. Probably the best crime/murder/suspense book I’ve read on here.

Pros:
- The plot was great. Stories about psychotic murderers can be played out, but when a game/“fun” is involved it can be entertaining, and that is what this does.
- The uniqueness of this story in that you get multiple perspectives, both the detective & the victim. Also the child in the story, Sam, makes for a good twist from your more classic “victim always by himself” type novel. That was good to see that character through his connection with somebody other than the killer.

Needs a little work:
- the detail is fantastic in some parts of the story, but can be a little short in others.
- sometimes the characters seem a little off. What I mean is that within a day the detective finds out his son is being kidnapped by a psycho, plays a game to save his life, and then just heads to a bar. I feel like if that were my son I would be up a wall crazy without an ounce of rest. Also, sometimes the characters can come off lacking some depth. The female victim is happy to see her father-in-law, and then mad at him, and then indifferent all within the same page without the father-in-law having done anything to affect her.

Altogether, good book, and one I will continue to read as edits and add-ons are done. Good job!

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Good job

The author has a way with words. You can see it early on. The first chapter is a great hook, albeit very short. Still the author creates a solid tone for the beginning of the book with solid word choice. It could be upped a little bit by making the chapters and the detail longer, maybe diving into the feeling and emotion of the characters a bit more. If the author used the same detail to describe the setting and emotions of the characters as they did in describing the physical appearance and action in chapter one, we would have a fantastic book.

Still this is a good read. A couple clean ups on the grammar/punctuation and you are doing an excellent job. Keep it up.

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Best Story on Inkitt!!!

Honestly, I try to give feedback that allows the author to improve the story and their writing, but I got nothin’. That was incredible. I’ve already added the author’s full book and very much look forward to it.

In all, this is a piece of writing that could truly be published outside the realm of online writing.

GREAT JOB!

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A Very Smooth Read

Not a huge mystery novel guy. Been awhile since I’ve read one, but this is a very pleasurable read.

I’m about halfway through the book so far, and the author does a good job of a couple things:
- writing in the first person, but not in the normal, boring, straightforward way. Instead the author gives us more about the main character in her narration than the actual story. Well done.
- writing without bogging down the story. Many authors, myself included at times, slow down stories talking about the setting that doesn’t matter while losing the actual plot. I’ve been able to fly through these short chapters in a short time and find the story interesting instead of bogged down in little details.

Great job.

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Very Good

Very good job here. The first chapter was an awesome start. A solid intro to the characters and the plot, but leaving more than a little mystery, and full of action that was really well told and beautifully described.

Personally I’m a characters kind of guy. I think if an author can figure out the characters they can create good work, and that is what you have done.

The main character is great, but I find myself to really enjoy Rue. He’s awesome. Witty, sarcastic, and almost flirtatious in an evil way. What’s not to like.

Great job. Keep writing.

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Good characters and interesting premise

Like the way you introduce the story. I feel that introducing a story by talking about the characters is important. And you have a solid short setup that I love. I like that it continues with the second chapter until the real hook.

Either way, I think a book is as good as it’s characters and you do a great job with Ethan and U in setting up a good story.

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Very well done!

I’m going to go ahead and state my ignorance of this type of book. I have never read anything like it. I usually stick to literary fiction, young adult fantasy, or even some upmarket fiction. This is the first LGBTQ+ romance I have ever read. And being that I am not necessarily in the LGBTQ+ community it is an interesting read for me. I love that this story gives me the first person perspective, which allows me to better grasp the emotions to which the narrator is going through. I also love that the relationship is so well built before the climax, allowing us to really feel for the main character because we knew how he felt when he loved him. It’s a great story that shows the difference between the love of families who are open minded and accepting and those who do not. It was well written. Great cliffhangers at the end of the chapters that made you want to read on. And very importantly, it showed but didn’t tell. Good characters, good relationships, good use of POV. Very good book.

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Not my cup of tea, but still a darn good cup of tea!

The story was very well done. There were very few grammatical issues, and that made it easy to read. The first chapter sucks you into a beautifully set up place that the author did an incredible job describing. Not too much detail, not too little, and showed without telling. Very good. The only part of this well done story that I had a hard time with was what some might call the conflict. I understand that it is an internal conflict of a young woman trying to find her way to trust men after what she has seen, but I feel that struggle is not strong enough to carry this story alone. Still, the setting, the artistic writing, along with the strong opening is enough for me to say that this is a good book, and the author shows a true talent for writing.

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Really like the story!

The plot, the characters, and the writing talent are there. However, the book is pulled in so many different directions with creatures, time travel, and a drop-off of women that this book really could be split into an entire saga. This is a Handmaid’s Tale meets Manifest meets the shapeshifting part of twilight. And that is a lot to cram into one story, so I feel that some parts were slightly rushed (the actual plane crash for example). Still the author did a good job of writing the MC. She has an attitude and a personality that are easy to get behind, and considering writing with a voice is so coveted now, I feel that this is huge. So bravo on writing a grand character, now it’s just about adding depth to a story that has many pieces and needs some nuance.

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Wow...so good!!!

Honestly, I read this book because of all the badges on the cover. Figured it had to be doing something right if it’s winning all of those awards. And...wow. It lived up to the hype and then some. If you’ve read this author’s work before then you know that she paints a picture with every word, but honestly scoping through the writing on here, each bit of phrasing and every piece of diction and syntax was perfect. It was like an example a professor would give you of great work, except it’s a bear 20 chapter example.

Really well done. Fighting The Harrowing for the top spot on Inkitt.

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Inteiguiging Fairy Tale

What do you have so far is very good. I’m not going to lie, I was slightly confused with the whole Oliver date kind of thing, but I see it was a set up for the friendship bond. After that, I feel like the story really took off.

I’m very interested to see how the two different storylines get woven in together. This could be a very interesting fairytale that is actually entertaining to read for adults. Great job and doing that.

And also, it’s very rare that I do not know where a fairytale is going, but you have managed to peak my interest and leave the reader questioning what will happen. Again, great work.

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Enjoyable & Unique

I must say, this is quite the interesting read. And I mean that in a good way. The short stories were different from any others I have heard and it made for an entertaining read. I’m adding this to my reading list for any updates and added stories because I enjoyed them so much.

McDornalds - read kinda like a super random story that was entertaining to the last drop...of poisonous ketchup. It reminded me of a mix of Songebob, Rick & Morty, and some random Adult Swim kinda stuff.

Antler - again entertaining. A lot more serious than the first story and well done throughout. Solid dialogue, characters, suspense, and action.

Carrots - short but still able to be deep and share a meaningful morale. Impressively written and impressively thought out for such a short piece.

Cow - Again very random. Like, very random. Was a little confused for part of it, but still was entertained.

Summary: enjoyable, random, and unique. I very much liked it and will continue looking for your additions to this collection.

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I can see the romance starting...

Overall it’s a pretty interesting read. I’ve never been one for the romance genre or the teenage girl as the main character kind of books, but this plays well.

I’m a fan of books that switch POV between characters as I think it can add a really good element to a story and offer depth about characters. This story does that decently well, although I wish the characters had a little more depth to them.

Right now, I would say just keep adding. The more you add, the more this story starts to come along and a plot will take form. Looking forward to the additions.

As for the grammar/punctuation, it just needs a little editing love. A once-over and this can be a 5* book. You got this!!!

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Just needs some editing and it will be great.

I must say, this story has potential. Right now there are only a couple of short chapters, but still the plot and the writing style are intriguing.

Good work on:
- the story. The premise and plot are still somewhat unknown, but it is good nonetheless. And that’s because...
- the main character is well written. Although there are only about 5 pages to this story at the time I read it, the character is very relatable. Maybe that is because I too am a smarta** with a mouth on me.
- the writing style is also great. I am jealous of the author’s ability to think of and choose the perfect word to describe what is happening or being described in the story. It’s fantastic.

Needs a little work:
- the formatting and the grammar can make this a somewhat tough read at times. Whether it be punctuation or grammar it stops the story from fully flowing and the reader from getting to good a grasp on the characters which is surprising given how good the word choice and diction of the writer are.

You are well on your way to a good write. Just needs a little cleaning up in editing.

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Well Done!

I like this. It is very good. The fact that you can tell a story from multiple perspectives is great. And the way you set the story up with the main character introducing the events but not giving away the detail...well done.

Overall, I enjoyed it. I’m not necessarily drawn to this genre per se, but you did well writing this and I could see a great story coming in the following chapters.

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Good story but a little work still needed

Overall I thought the story was entertaining, and that’s coming from a guy who usually doesn’t do the whole werewolf-love thing. The story was captive from the start with a good intro chapter that hooks the reader.

I feel like where the story could be improved is it’s depth. Although you do a good job of descriptive writing in the events and actions of the story, I can’t say that I know much of the characters. None of them seem deep enough to stand on their own as real parts of the story. Instead they seem to kind of merge together as though they mean little to this story. The same could be said for the world. The types of books that do well in fantasy/romance are the ones with unique worlds that immerse the reader in the author’s creativity and imagination. This world seemed to be a smaller piece of a story that resonated really around Steven and that seemed like it.

Otherwise, the story is good. Solid plot line, solid relationship between S & C. Overall it was an entertaining read.

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Opened my eyes to poetic narratives

I’m a poetry fan, however I rarely read ballads like this. Mostly I read free verse poetry, so this is new to me. And I Kia stay, I liked it.

Although the story could be hard to follow at times I enjoyed the trip the narrative took me on. The story was good. I don’t know if I could say the same for the rhyme scheme. It seemed like the syllable count was off which made me not realize it was a rhyming ABAB scheme until halfway through.

Still, this makes me want to peep on some more narrative poetry. Good stuff.

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Good job!

Overall this is a very good story. I’m not usually a sorcery kind of reader, but this plot intrigued me. Modern times are very rare for the setting of a story like this, so this makes for an intriguing read in the genre.

I also enjoyed the storytelling from the POV of multiple characters. I’ve always liked this style, and you did it well.

There were some odd word choices and details that I felt didn’t really flow in the story, but that didn’t stop the characters from being well told.

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Good character writing!

I absolutely loved the character writing. The way this is written really draws you into caring about the characters. The depth of feeling and background given to Ava is great. And so is the connection to the dog. Well done

The punctuation and grammar has some issues, but nothing that a little editing can’t correct. The writing style is good too, and the change of POV at the end of the chapter is a good touch to connect us more to the dog.

Overall, very well done.

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Very good.

Well done. This is very young adult fiction, or at least us that feel from the first couple chapters. The characters and the relationship between them is relatable and well written. Heck of a job. I already downloaded it and can’t wait to read more. Good work.

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Grammar aside, good start

I like the depth of the character through just a small chapter, as well as the split between points of view during the story. Well done, especially given that English isn’t your first language. Good work.

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