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A decent story
There were things you did great, and there were things that lacked in the story.
The writing style was great. I loved the descriptive words used. It was simple and refreshing. There were very minor punctuation errors but the writing made up for it.
There were things that I disliked. I didn't like the jump cuts, from 10 to 10.5 months, at all. It leaves a lot of gaps in the story. A lot of events that could potentially help in character development were missing. The story alone was too short. The use of asterisks made the layout of the story seem unprofessional as well,w which is a shame. Although there was a background context given, it wasn't enough for me to connect with the characters and feel more attached to them. The writing was beautiful, but the emotions that you were trying to convey were hindered by the lack of connection between the reader and the characters. The length of the story played a big part in this fault. I wish the story was longer so it gives more room for character development.
I did enjoy the story but it wasn't my favourite. Keep writing!
What a great read!
This story embodies the famous social hierarchy in high school. The plot of this story may seem overdone and cliche, but these types of things certainly does happen in high school. The writing was flawless. There were almost no grammar errors found, very minor ones. The writer gives a clear visual images of every scene, you know exactly where you are and what you are looking at. The voice is very clear and distinct as well. Although the pace was a little fast with the jump cuts through scenes, but I do understand that it is made on purpose in order to portray and symbolise the sudden death of a person. The writing style is what I like the most because the sentences are structured so coherently and smoothly; so professional. It's just so refreshing to read. Well done!
The story captures the characters' personalities extremely well with the use of dialogue. The dialogues were fluid, natural and smooth. Marvellous!
I think this story did well in the aspect of love, friendship and relationships. It is different from the rest. It doesn't show the positive side of love, but the negative aspect of it. Not everything ends with a expected happy ending and I like that. Although there was not a lot of happy-sappy romance per se, there are a lot strong emotions built in this story, and I admit that my emotions got stirred at the end there.
I would definitely recommend this story!
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