Thrilling
I really like your story so far! It starts off immediately which just makes you want to read more of it. I love how the different characters have their own unique personality, it brings more depth to the story. Also how we get to read the perspectives from different characters. I like how you don’t tell the whole history of the characters, leaving the reader wondering and wanting to read more to find out what has happened and the reasons to why certain things took place. I really love your writing style and the use of different adjectives and adverbs to describe the scene. But I noticed that you tend to use the word “she” a lot which can be confusing some times as several female characters interact with each other. Sometimes I don’t who’s doing what. I would recommend putting in the name of the character more often to clarify who you’re referring to. As I read I also noticed some minor grammar mistakes which can be fixed easily. I personally use Grammarly. I would also recommend copying your text into google translate and listen to it, it is a great way to find small mistakes. I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen next and keep up the good work! /Alma
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