Amanda Krey

I'll take a little pause from FH

Am I meant to be alone?

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***

We met in July. It was a chance encounter. I hadn't even planned on hanging out with him; it just so happened that I drifted away from the group of friends and ended up on my own with him. I barely knew him. He was quite distant, shy, and quiet. At first, I thought he might be autistic. Turns out, he wasn't.

And yet, we found common ground. At first, I was too lazy to put effort into our communication because it was hard for me to get used to a new person, specifically him. Usually, I'm an extrovert. Usually, I'm Jay. But later, I started getting to know him better, and soon I actually enjoyed being around him. By the way, I forgot to introduce him — his name is Adam. A pretty sweet, handsome guy. But just completely antisocial. And it was honestly strange. From what I understood, he didn't have any friends or other close relationships, so he really wanted me to be his friend. I remember he was even surprised when I showed up for our first scheduled hangout — he thought I'd change my mind. Adam turned out to be a very comfortable, good person to be around.

Later, as we grew closer, I was the one acting distant, while he kept clinging to me. But I didn't want to stop talking to him. Adam trusted me. One night we were texting, and he told me that he really lacked warmth in his life, like everything felt cold. It was sad, but I decided to bring that warmth into his life. After that, we met up at my place; basically, we just watched some heartwarming movie all evening, ate snacks, and warmed up under a blanket. He tried to lean his head on my shoulder, but it didn't really work out, so I just put my arm around him and pulled him close. I don't know if that was enough warmth for him that evening, but it wasn't bad. During that same hangout, I suggested we go on a trip together that I'd been thinking about for a long time. And he agreed.

I think that trip was the turning point in our relationship. After that, there was no more distance or awkwardness; we became truly good friends and weren't shy around each other anymore.

But then I realized something. At first, I thought I was imagining things. But my suspicions were proven right more and more. Adam, it seemed, had fallen in love with me. I don't know for how long. But his eyes, his movements, his smile, his little phrases, and his hugs spoke for him. He was constantly trying to get closer to me than necessary. I didn't know how to react because I was straight. And I knew that sooner or later, he would confess to me. But I really didn't want to break his heart. And that's when an idea crossed my mind. I decided to try my hardest to fall in love with him. I know, it sounds crazy.

I looked up what I needed to do and tried to follow the plan without making it obvious. I tried to set up romantic moments for the two of us, held his hand, paid him compliments, talked about intimate topics with him, and so on. Weeks went by... Something started to awaken inside me. Some strange, unfamiliar feeling...

One day, we had a sleepover. Everything was going as usual, and we were already getting ready for bed. There was only one bed, but we didn't mind. I was the first to lie down on my side, covering myself with a blanket. He hugged me from behind. About 15 minutes later, I wasn't asleep yet, but Adam assumed I was already out. And so he whispered in my ear, "I love you. I love you so much. From the very first day we met." In that moment, my heart nearly stopped. It started beating so hard that even Adam noticed. I lay perfectly still, trying to figure out what to say.

But still, I gathered my strength and turned to face him. He looked at me, terrified. I just looked back at him without a word. And the next second, he kissed me on the lips. If I had doubted my feelings before, at that exact moment, all doubts vanished. I responded in kind. I love him even more.

After that night, we talked about our feelings and came to the conclusion that we wanted to date each other. From that moment on, my life changed. And I am insanely grateful to Adam for that. It was the most unusual love of my life. And as it turns out, I'm not straight at all.

The End

***

Maybe someday I'll be a writer again...

Guys, 930 reads & 96 reading lists on Multiverse About Love and 200 reads & 12 reading lists on Kissed by God!😭 Thank you so much!😭❤️ I couldn't even imagine that anyone would like it... I love you!!♡♡♡

Yeah, I, I, I
Hate that I made you love me
Sorry if I made me your type
Yeah, I, I hate that I made you love me
'Cause I barely tried
Yeah, I, I, I