Audrey Dubois

Belleville

I'm an 18-year-old college freshman.

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I like it!

So I only read the first chapter and after what I read I'm hooked. I have a few suggestions though. First, this sentence "Ayers asks as he stands straight and his hands behind his back." The way it's worded doesn't flow well. Something like "Ayers asks standing straight with his hands behind his back" or "Ayers asks standing with his hands behind his back." Then the part where you say what type of gods they are should have commas after their names. EX: "Goros, the Chubby God of Food," I think "states with fear in his words" should be "states with fear". I champion failing should be is failing. "And Toby isn't ready." shouldn't be its own sentence. It should be a part of the previous one. The part where you talk about his shirt showing off his body is also worded weird. You should say "My shirt has so many holes in it, it's practically showing off my greek-statue figure. The part where he asks where they are should read, "I ask, getting ready to throw the blades." Then the next sentence should read "Kid, we can't tell you. Keep your voice down."

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